In Quebec, some 23,000 families must experience the mourning of a deceased newborn every year. About one in 10 women will experience the painful ordeal of having a miscarriage during pregnancy. However, the subject remains taboo.
Posted at 12:00 p.m.
I decided to talk about it on the occasion of World Perinatal Bereavement Awareness Day because we are among families who are grieving: that of losing a baby during pregnancy.
I will never be able to fully grasp the immensity of the grief of my wife, Christiane, who twice lost the child she was carrying during the first 20 weeks of her pregnancy. It was only the first trimester, but I didn’t need more to get carried away, daydream and order some beautiful pajamas. Of course, I too was devastated.
But I was especially upset for my sweet Christiane who seemed inconsolable. I felt helpless in the face of the painful feeling of false guilt that clung to her bed, in the face of the feeling of injustice of being part, twice rather than once, of the damned statistic of women to whom this happens, in the face of the reminders painful that his body made him daily…
That cruel feeling of going to the birthing unit of the hospital only to come out empty-handed and with a heavy heart.
Sometimes, when it comes to miscarriage, the use of the word “mourning” makes people react. As if the ordeal was less trying because the parents hadn’t had the feeling of holding their newborn in their arms. Grief is also often minimized when the miscarriage occurs early. However, as soon as a couple decides to conceive a child, the process begins: we think of the baby’s room, we imagine the job he will practice… When the adventure ends overnight, c is a real trauma.
Rigid and unsympathetic policies
In Quebec, to quote the CNESST, “if a termination of pregnancy occurs before the start of the 20e week of pregnancy, the worker has the right to be absent for up to three weeks, without pay. It is important to note that the law does not provide any leave for the other parent and that it does not apply to all workers, including the self-employed.
The Canada Labor Code does not provide bereavement leave specifically for miscarriages.
For both levels of government, it seems to me that the least we could do would be to offer paid bereavement leave for all parents who have to go through this ordeal… This bereavement can only be a luxury reserved for the wealthiest in our society. .
Over time, Quebec and Canada have often distinguished themselves by their humanity and empathy. This time, since it is a terribly taboo subject, it seems that we have forgotten about these bereaved parents.
Let’s take advantage of today to talk about it and hope that at the next edition of World Perinatal Grief Awareness Day, our laws will show a little more compassion.