This morning, I feel ugly, it’s painful, I’m invaded by sadness and the fear of dying too quickly.
Posted at 11:00 a.m.
I’m crying. My name is Diane and I am undergoing chemo for breast cancer with bone metastases. I am terrified of living my new life with cancer. I feel so helpless and dependent on a healthcare system that also has cancer.
On my first date, I sit in this chair that, before me, was someone else’s. The silence is reassuring. I live a moment of intimacy as soon as the first drops of solute are infused in me. A rhythm sets in, the tempo marked by the beeps of the devices. The nurses waltz, they follow the rhythm, passing from one patient to another.
Their welcome is warm, their voice soft and reassuring. It’s as if they understood the intensity of the moment.
The nurse is part of my healing process, I include her in my army of warriors who support me. The nurse is brave, strong and dedicated. She agrees to share the life story of her patients. She shares difficult life moments: some patients will be there for years.
I hope she too has an army supporting her. She too must need to ventilate. It’s not easy working with us cancer patients. Well, I admit, I hate this term. Let’s say: people living with cancer. We are intense and vulnerable.
They must also adapt to each patient, they are confronted with their own mortality and the fragility of life.
As a nurse and now an oncology patient, I witnessed their kindness and compassion.
As a new patient, my intention is to accept this treatment, to accept the smile of these generous nurses who choose to treat me like a living person who has fears and doubts. Their smile and kindness give me hope.
Thank you to all the staff of the Cancer Center of the Gatineau Hospital.