April is Autism Month. Since 2020, since I learned that my youngest has autism, the month of April takes on a new color. A few days ago, I learned that I too had the autism spectrum. April then takes on a new appearance.
At 42, mother of two teenagers, in love for more than 20 years with the same wonderful man, self-employed in the field of health, having always felt a little on the fringes, a little different, but entering again and again into the mold, meeting social norms, I learn – sorry – I understand why it was so.
My easy exhaustion, certain challenges, my fears in the face of the unknown, my colourful, spontaneous, even candid side, come under autism. My phenomenal memory, my sixth sense, my thinking in images are finally explained. The extraterrestrial in me finds its place, its way, its reason.
Many people around me will be surprised to learn this. Others don’t. Autism, especially in women, brings with it the ability to become a chameleon: to blend into environments, without making waves, to quickly conform to the rules and functioning of different social circles. In short, to look “normal” to others.
And autism, in women, is underdiagnosed for these same reasons. Autism is often associated with rigidity, the cold side, devoid of emotions and empathy, the implacable logic and the antisocial side. But, mainly in women, it is not always so.
The diagnosis doesn’t change who I am. Don’t change my job. Nor my friends. But it will allow me to highlight myself, to name what gives me trouble in my daily life and to give me the right to bring my methods of self-regulation to feel more comfortable in society and in my environment.
It is no coincidence that I learned that I have autism during Autism Month. It’s a gift. Because I feel like naming it, in full transparency. So that I finally embrace who I am in my weaknesses, but also, in my great strengths which have allowed me to have the happiest functioning in society. Happy Autism Month!