Posted at 10:15 a.m.
Q: Why this injunction to benevolence?
A: I wrote this essay to free myself from a certain pressure of benevolence, because this word is on everyone’s lips. If it comes back in force, it’s because we needed it, society needed it. Many people take benevolence and use it to gain more power or more money. But true benevolence is disinterested. I speak of an injunction, because benevolence became so omnipresent that the pressure became an injunction. There’s benevolent parenting, benevolent management, benevolent politics, self-benevolence… The working title of my book was “The Tyranny of Benevolence”, but it lacked nuance, because there are positive spin-offs to the kindness. I don’t want to discredit it or question it, because I try to apply it in my life and I believe in its benefits.
Q: Should we be wary of this omnipresent benevolence?
A: Benevolence can be instrumentalized because it can be profitable. There is a benevolence that accelerates productivity. Benevolent management is very good. We are all in favor of being able to work in the best conditions, with empathy and recognition. But when you see books whose title is Benevolent management, performance accelerator Where Managing human is profitable, we say to ourselves that there is a strategy aimed at productivity and profit. There are obviously sincere managers who are benevolent and who see to the well-being of employees without a second thought, of course, but we can also have a mistrust that is legitimate.
Q: Marina Orsini is for you the embodiment of benevolence?
A: Yes! I invented a word: affectionate. For me, an affectionate is in emotion, feeling, in open-mindedness, kindness, a positive leader. And Marina Orsini, that’s all! He is a real, transparent, committed person. She has panache, she is authentic, generous, she has a big heart and she is selfless, a real caring person! When I finished writing this essay, I didn’t know her personally, but I worked with her very recently as her book editor and I’m not disappointed!
Q: You also talk about caring parenting that builds confident, empathetic, outgoing, and socially adept children. But are there drifts towards perfect parenthood?
A: I have young children, I am an informed person, but during early childhood I always felt like what I was doing was never optimal. We are in a spiral of guilt all the time. We aim for benevolence, but the reality is that a parent sleeps little, works, has intense days and also has the right to be tired and not be perfect. Because even if we apply constructive educational methods, there are always parents who attack other parents on certain educational practices different from theirs. You have to accept the differences. It seems cliché to say it, but it is surprisingly necessary to remember it. For me, it is incidental to know if the child was breastfed or not, if he co-slept or not. I do not understand why we continue to have guilt-ridden speeches about the education of children. Some parents peddle caring parenting the wrong way.
Q: Are we really benevolent?
A: I am optimistic. I believe that we are capable of solidarity, even if we keep saying that we are individualists. American social scientist Brené Brown talks about the importance of having difficult conversations. It’s simple, yet transformative. For her, what is clear is benevolent, what is imprecise is not. She explains that avoiding directness for the sake of kindness is actually unfair and mean. We live in a more benevolent world than before, even if we have the impression of the opposite when we look at the news. When I see, for example, that a little girl has sold lemonade to be able to buy school supplies for children in her class who cannot afford them, we think that this kind of initiative is wonderful. At the same time, we tell ourselves that it is not the responsibility of a 7-year-old girl to provide school supplies and that there is a problem somewhere in our system.
Sweet Bitter, Who benefits from our benevolence?
Veronique Alarie
Editions Quebec America
110 pages