A detail of the decor attracts attention when you sit at the counter of Pastel Rita, on Saint-Laurent Boulevard. On a shelf behind the bar, four silicone penises stand upright among the bottles.
These dildos (dildos) come from the Afterglo boutique, a Montreal company owned by friends of Jocelyn Despres, co-owner of Pastel Rita. “Some people find it funny and it bothers others,” he said. We’re trying to defuse that, open the conversation, normalize it. »
“The idea,” he continues, “is to take sexuality out of the taboo and bring it into everyday life. » Her café-bar offers drinks and food “for pleasure,” says Jocelyn Despres, so integrating objects intended for sexual pleasure is part of this philosophy.
That an establishment includes sex toys in its decor indicates that they are less taboo than before. We are far from the time when we found an oblong-shaped object modestly described as a “personal massager” in the Consumer Distribution catalog. Some sex toys are today presented as technological marvels and praised by public figures.
British singer Lily Allen dared in 2020 by teaming up with the manufacturer of the Womanizer, a clitoral stimulator. Actress Dakota Johnson, wellness guru Gwyneth Paltrow and singer Demi Lovato followed with their own collections. Closer to us, the actress and businesswoman Caroline Néron has been offering hers since 2022.
Dare to get started
Just because there are entire walls of vibrators in erotic stores doesn’t mean it’s easier to put your name on such a product. “I hesitated,” admits Caroline Néron. She feared that her teenage daughter would be the subject of ridicule and she did not want to face criticism as she emerged from a media turmoil due to bankruptcy.
PHOTO DOMINIC GOUIN, PROVIDED BY CAROLINE NÉRON
Caroline Néron launched a range of vibrators in 2022.
At the same time, I think it’s important to democratize sex toys. I’ve had it since quite a young age and I’ve always had open conversations with my friends about it.
Caroline Néron
Caroline Néron tested the waters using humorous capsules intended for social networks. “If I had gone really sexy, I probably would have gotten another round of bad press,” she muses. People’s reactions convinced her of the validity of her choice. “I realized that I was doing good for a lot of women. Some told me that it was their first vibrator, others that they were almost discovering orgasm. I liked that. »
A growing market
By displaying dildos in his café, Jocelyn Despres did not think of selling it. “Finally, we sell some,” he is surprised. Perhaps he shouldn’t be surprised: this market is in turmoil. The pandemic years were marked by record sales, confirm representatives of the Lelo and We Vibe brands.
Amandine Ranson, representative of Lelo France, argues that this peak in sales stems, among other things, from strict confinements which, by forcing a slowdown in daily life, have encouraged people to want to do good and refocus on pleasure.
A kind of bubble exploded because before, it was a niche market.
Amandine Ranson, representative of Lelo France
Social networks have also played an important role in the democratization of sex toys, believes Stephanie Keating, marketing director at We Vibe, a Canadian company that distributes the Womanizer and Arcwave brands. “There is now a place to talk about it,” she emphasizes.
She is not only talking about exchanges between users, but also about the possibility of advertising these products. “There are a lot of restrictions on sex toy advertising, so it was difficult to let people know,” she says. We are not interested in something we do not know exists. » The advent of the Internet has helped to draw attention to these objects and to destigmatize them.
The end of the taboo?
That we talk more freely about sex toys does not mean that the subject is no longer taboo at all. “We are so immersed in a community that is so comfortable with that that we have to step out of it a little to realize that, yes, it is better accepted than 10 or 15 years ago, but that there is still a lot a long way to go,” adds Catherine Chevrier-Lord, from the Minuit Tendre online store.
PHOTO JOSIE DESMARAIS, THE PRESS
Sexologist Gwendoline Luthi
We cannot make generalizations. When I talk about it to clients, some may be resistant.
Gwendoline Luthi, sexologist
It is not so much the object itself that poses a problem, but the fear of offending the sensitivity of one’s partner by proposing to introduce it into their intimate games. “Many men still see sex toys as a competitor,” emphasizes Amandine Ranson.
The supply of sex toys is in fact dominated by those intended for the female anatomy. A reality that several speakers explain by the existence of an orgasmic gap, that is to say the fact that men reach orgasm more often and more easily than women in a heterosexual relationship.
Read the text “Sex toys: Orgasms and dissatisfaction”
The rise of masturbators for men is recent. It is perhaps also limited by a cultural factor: men rarely talk about their intimacy and sexuality with each other. “My friends and I talk about it when we try something new,” says Sébastien*, 33 years old. Then, he changes his mind: “I talk about it, they listen to me…”
Most of the women interviewed say they approach their intimate relationships and the use they make or not of vibrators more freely. “I had this conversation with quite a few of my friends,” assures Émilie, 32, who tested it at the request of The Press (see other text). Same thing for Natacha, 50 years old. Only Andrée does not share her privacy. “It’s none of their business,” said the 80-year-old lady.
Mark your privacy
We must not forget, despite the olé olé speeches praising this suction object or another with pulsations, that the sex toy “comes to play in the intimacy of the relationship” when we are in a relationship, underlines Gwendoline Luthi. It can be a source of stimulation if you communicate well, adds Mariane Gilbert, also a sexologist, but can also cause insecurity.
PHOTO FRANÇOIS ROY, THE PRESS
The sexologist Marianne Gilbert
“Masturbating when you are in a relationship can suggest a form of dissatisfaction or loneliness. It’s not necessarily that, but it can mean many things, she notes. It requires significant openness and vulnerability in communication to integrate sex toys into your intimate life. »
“We don’t all have the same expectations or the same needs. Talking about it around an object can help facilitate this conversation,” thinks the sexologist. Bringing the idea of toys to a couple is also, according to her, an opportunity to remember that sexuality is also a game.
Fictitious names to preserve anonymity