Is the cinema screen the mirror of the soul of the filmmakers, or of the spectators? Probably a little of both, and this is why the films reveal as much about the values, torments and passions of artisans as about those of the society from which they emerge. As part of the summer series In Therapy: Quebec Cinema, The duty gives the opportunity to eight psychologists to lend themselves to the game of the therapeutic session, with a local film of their choice for the patient. This week, Ricardo Trogi’s both tender and scathing gaze on overparenting in The Perfect Family Guide (2021).
Parents are at their wit’s end, and children are at their wit’s end, many observers say, and it’s not all down to the pandemic. This not so new phenomenon feeds on several sources: those of economic insecurity, urban sprawl (talk to patience to those caught two hours a day in traffic jams), a certain social conformism , and a desire to impress neighbours, colleagues and friends, even if it means paying later. And what about the excessive ambitions of some parents placed on the frail shoulders of their children, including all those dreams that they themselves have never realized?
We quickly understand that Martin (Louis Morissette) belongs to this category, especially in view of the jaded expression of his eldest daughter, Rose (Émilie Bierre), his “champion”, a teenager who loses her breath between dance lessons, hockey games and private English lessons, to the point of running out of air. But her father does not leave her alone, monitoring her school results like others the stock market indices, himself entangled in a complex schedule, between his work, his youngest son, born of a second union with Marie-Soleil (Catherine Chabot), while accusing Caroline (Isabelle Guérard), Rose’s mother, of favoring her career as a dancer over her role as a mother.
In the middle of this whirlwind, is there still a place for children so that they can be what they are before becoming adults? Consumed by performance anxiety, the fear of displeasing, and the obsession with their image on social networks, the offspring of these exemplary families drag with them the evils of our time. This X-ray of the director of the films Clock organic (2005) and The Mirage (2015), other scratches on the vicissitudes of the middle class, is analyzed by Amélie Seidah, clinical psychologist specializing in anxiety and mood disorders, co-author with Isabelle Geninet of Anxiety tamed. Turn your stress into a positive resource (Editions Trecarré).
How did you feel when you first watched this film?
It quickly piqued my curiosity, both professionally and personally, since I am a mother of two teenagers. I thought about watching it as a family, but I had a feeling that it was going to question me as a parent; I saved myself a little embarrassment… and I did well! Let’s say that after the first viewing, I was a little stunned.
As they say, he struck a chord?
I am particularly interested in anxiety disorders, performance anxiety, as well as exhaustion, not to mention my books on the subject. When I write them, I don’t want them to become guides saying: if you follow this advice, you will be protected from such a situation. Some postures can help, others can hurt, but being a parent does not come with a guide, and even with knowledge, our child will not be safe from a difficult moment, and we, spared from all kinds of emotions. I shared the humanity of the characters, and I think the film conveys it perfectly.
Did you quickly detect Martin’s? It sometimes seems well hidden!
I felt a lot of anxiety and fear, visible from the start, with his medications, his rigid rules, and his little compulsive checks that did not escape my eye as a clinical psychologist! Behind his authoritarian facade, I felt his vulnerability, and his concern. Human beings tend to run away from discomfort, we are programmed that way; some will check everything, control everything, and others practice a certain harshness. All this because parents are afraid that their child will look like X, Y, or Z, that he will have no future, or that he will end up as a convenience store cashier. That’s what Martin keeps telling Rose.
On the other hand, Martin’s parentsembodied by Louise Portal and Gilles Renaud, offer a very different vision, they who have left a lot of freedom to their children, and who are not very keen on the guidelines of Canada’s Food Guide!
They are benevolent, but frank, whereas today, with overparenting, we no longer dare to say the real things. Because behind the “You’re good, you’re capable”, there is this refusal to admit that our child cannot be good at everything. We even hear it in the film: “Is it possible that my child is… ordinary? My answer: yes, and that’s correct! The important thing for everyone is to know where our strengths and weaknesses are. As a parent, it is not doing your child a favor to deny it.
If you had been asked to act here as a script advisor, what would you have changed?
The dynamics and personality of the characters were embodied with great subtlety. I wouldn’t say the same about the psychologist; we are rarely played well! His message is intense, brutal, intended to brew Rose’s parents. But if a real psychologist had spoken like that, he would have really lacked clinical finesse. Because it is rare for a parent to get up in the morning with malicious intent towards their child. Sometimes they don’t know how to do it, and it’s their fears that explain their behavior, like Rose’s mother, who prefers to be “chummy-chummy” with her daughter rather than lose her connection with her. In the context of the film, the idea was surely to make the viewers think; in real life, there would be a risk of robbing the parents.
Would you recommend your patients a film like The Perfect Family Guide ?
I would suggest it more to parents than to young people, even if many of them will recognize themselves in the character of Rose. But the patient must initiate a reflection on the subject, because as a psychologist, I must listen to what he brings me, what is difficult for him, and what he wants. It’s not up to me to judge what behavior he needs to change. But it must be understood that beyond performance, the real success of a parent remains his relationship with his child. We all want them to be fulfilled and happy in their choices; Martin is not taking the right path to achieve this. We raise our children based on our parental values, and we also have to be flexible. For in rigidity there is suffering. Success is one thing, but relational value must take precedence. Without relationship, there is nothing.
The Perfect Family Guide is available on Netflix.