Polarization is everywhere. How to discuss divisive topics without breaking the party? Expert advice.
The holidays mark the joyful return of family feasts. But who says family sometimes says verbal jousts where the words, more than the stew of meatballs, fall on your stomach. If the thought of bumping into a Liberty Convoy supporter or cooking with your anti-speciesist cousin gives you pimples, or your ears bleed with every valve unsheathed against your immigrant neighbor, here’s a little self-defense guide to get through more serenely from potential explosive discussions.
As we know, the era is one of polarization. And family get-togethers are no exception. As proof, the day after Donald Trump’s election in 2016, Thanksgiving meals were shortened by 30 to 50 minutes, due to polarization.
Gender identity, wokism, n-words, banana peels to slip on are legion during an extended table. Grandpa fears a global conspiracy? Antivax brother-in-law? Climatosceptic cousin? Sometimes you have to play the tightrope walker to get through a family reunion without collateral damage. The duty offers you here 24 subjects with thorny potential… and how to deal with them.
A matter of attitude
Because disagreement is manageable.
“Consensus is not a prerequisite for sharing or connecting with someone, insists Sarah-Jane Turcot, psychosociologist of labor relations. But consideration and recognition of the other are essential. »
Regardless of the subject, she believes, the interlocutors must sharpen their sense of listening, even with regard to opinions to which they are diametrically opposed. “Let people explain themselves, ask questions rather than hammering home a point of view,” she says.
From the outset, forget the expressions of the type, “I do not agree”, “You are wrong”, in favor of “I have a different point of view”. Too often, it is the form of the debate that ignites the spirits, more than the substance, judges this expert in mediation. “Interrupting, sighing are signs of not listening. We cannot regulate the emotions of others, but we can regulate ourselves. »
First rule: choose your battles, and their moment. New Year’s Eve may not be the time to gossip about veganism to Grandma and note that her meat pie contributes to global warming. “Always ask yourself who benefits from such a discussion. If you’re the only one concerned, think about it. The loss [émotives] are sometimes greater than the gains,” insists Sarah-Jane Turcot.
“Guilting or accusing speeches lead nowhere,” adds Colleen Thorpe, director of Équiterre, an environmental organization called upon to constantly adjust the scope of its messages to the public. Self-mockery, she says, is a good way to broach delicate subjects. Often, generational conflicts arise when a message is carried in a radical way. “Find allies, parents for example, who will speak more moderately to pave the way. »
Biting the brakes
Should we be chomping at the bit and playing the nice guy at all costs?
No, but the personal attack always draws a blank, insists Sarah-Jane Turcot. “Any human being attacked personally closes himself to any logical argument. “Freedom!” “, does that remind you of something ?
“We call it reactance. It is the psychological reaction of people who feel above all victims and it prevents any form of listening, or any change, ”she explains.
Remember that thorny discussions are an extreme sport, so you don’t get into it overnight. “If we never talk as a family, it’s dangerous to get started in a vigil. We must strengthen communication with our loved ones before even diving into delicate subjects. Build muscle, what, before moving on to the intellectual clean and jerk on a beautiful Christmas evening.
Never forget that conflicts are part of life, insists Sarah-Jane Turcot. A slight verbal skirmish has never killed anyone, and is worth a few sparks, which will be laughed at one day, than a soporific New Year’s Eve. “Discussions are drivers of innovation in a society. Avoiding them at all costs would be a mistake. Nobody wins. This is not necessarily the correct solution. »
With that, Happy Holidays!