Leaving her spouse did not bring Ève* the serenity she so desired: with children, there is no way to break ties for good. This spring, she explained to a judge that communications with her ex-husband, which were supposed to be limited to the needs of the two little ones, became so many occasions for countless calls and emails, filled with reproaches and insults — which damaged her psychologically and even made her physically ill.
The duty followed Ève in court this spring to see how this type of case, in which psychological violence is mentioned, is handled by the legal system.
In her forties, Eve told the judge the following: “He was yelling at me a few centimeters from my face” and had seizures that lasted for days. When she tried to extricate herself from a situation where aggression was present, he prevented her from leaving the room and followed her if she left the house. “I forgot to close a cupboard door and he said I was disrespecting him,” she says. Financially comfortable, Ève left her husband after eight years of relationship.
Quickly, she was inundated: he wrote everywhere – for example, more than 150 emails in eight months – called everywhere, even at work, she reports in a soft voice.
“He repeatedly accused me of not taking care of the children and of parental alienation. It lowered my self-esteem, my parenting skills. »
Psychological safety
At the end of 2020, a judgment rendered indicates that “the credibility of the gentleman is severely tested when he denies having problems with violence while his exchanges of text messages with the plaintiff and the letters he wrote to her clearly demonstrate the opposite “.
Ève also reports to the judge sentences from her ex-spouse that made her panic for days, like this one: “I’m going with the children but I don’t tell you where. »
The mother of the family says that she has become hypervigilant and that she is preparing for all the scenarios in her head: “I can’t regain my strength, he still has control over my life. “The work stoppages accumulate, the doses of medication for anxiety too. She sees her family doctor and a psychologist and goes to a support center for women victims of domestic violence. Exhausted, she says she fears for her psychological safety.
The mere sight of an email from her ex-husband put her in all her states: “I was shaking all over my body. She started having anxiety attacks.
No “810”, yet requested
In the spring, she tried to obtain a protective order under section 810 of the Criminal Code. However, the procedure is not a criminal prosecution: rather, it aims to prevent the commission of an offense (here, criminal harassment). The person concerned then signs a “peace and peace bond” before the judge, who can impose conditions.
Even if the ex-spouse said he had respected the communication framework in recent months (neutral exchanges and collaborators), Eve’s lawyer insisted on obtaining “810”. He argued that there had been lulls in the past, but it had started again: “It is the essence of domestic violence. With each incident, you relive everything. »
Eve found going to court in the spring difficult. With a pale face and red eyes, she listened to her ex-husband’s lawyer tell the judge: “It may be psychotherapy [qu’elle] needs, not an 810” […] “Maybe she should consult to be stronger. »
According to the judge, the evidence showed that the man had not respected in the past the framework established for communications with his ex-spouse: “His tone is brittle, the exchanges are frequent, unnecessarily long and accusatory. »
However, he believes that in recent months he has changed the way he communicates. “He seems to have understood,” said the judge, who therefore saw no “imminent danger” for Eve. He therefore did not grant the 810 protection order.
*A fictitious first name is used to protect the identity of the woman testifying.