Any mover will tell you: we always have more than we think. That goes for just about everything except time and cash. And there’s nothing like moving to come to the conclusion that our life no longer fits in a pickup box and that it invariably takes longer and more expensive than we expected.
Personally, I don’t understand how I was able to fill 25 boxes of books after having repeatedly purified, skimmed and stripped my business.
For Christmas, I treated myself to movers. Anyway, at the age I am, friends all have pieces replaced by 3D printer. At best, they ask you for your new address, at worst, they ignore you. There is one exception: my colleague from Duty Marco. Him, he asks you for the day and the hour and he shows up with his girlfriend, Candice, even the day after.
I pulled out my moving invoice from ten years ago (I have the soul of an archivist, I know): same company, same length of truck, same time, all that for double the price. It’s called 100% inflation, or the arm crisis.
I nevertheless recommend them to you, professionals, efficient, narrated and in a good mood. But next time, guys, you plan a pickup and you take me straight to the cemetery on my recliner. Twenty-eight feet of coffin is way too big, I’m shrinking anyway.
I ask, for my part, to be taken to the cemetery in a moving car
My mother gave me a priceless Christmas gift: three men for one day to pack my personal belongings and my office (hence the 25 boxes), for my entire life. A day of intimacy with three strangers, the same ones who moved me the next day. When I was younger, I would have hesitated about the instructions. So much testosterone at my disposal! Not anymore. I’m practical: we start with the kitchen. For the rest, there is Tinder MILF section.
Samuel (the boss), Éric (with his lumbar dislocation) and Paco (young França) did everything, even the conversation. But two weeks later, I’m still looking for my book on tarot (advice to Paco: WHERE did you take it? With the sex toys ? In the dressing room ? Do you know that I also practice Wicca and Voodoo?), I no longer have nutmeg, I have too many stockings and faded lace. Unless it’s me who is.
Ordinary minimalism
It must be said that they gave me “madam” throughout, that doesn’t make anyone any younger. But when Eric came across my collection of erotic books, he wasn’t sure if he should still visit me. “There are a lot of books about sex!! » Pornhub is more discreet; the books always denounce you.
Paco, 24, living in Quebec for four months, studied literature in Tours. He took his time (and my last coffee) to pack my Colette, the poetry and the enlightened Buddhist section. When he tackled my own books, he asked me for my novel My (young) French lover. I remained neutral in the dedication, a sentence containing the words sex”, “drugs” and “swing”. I know how to hold back.
I learned from them that there are fewer and fewer books in homes and more gigantic TV screens. “Is there no TV here?” ! ” Well no. For five years, I have lived without it. Eric concluded: “You, breakdowns, no problem, a book, a candle…” And, I would add, the vibrator works despite everything. Fuck Hydro.
The three guys and I casually chatted about Baudelaire, feminism, vegetarianism, hair (after 30, guys are obsessed with alopecia) while I packed the bathroom. I learned that Eric is vegetarian, eats collagen and dances the jive, that Paco date a French photographer in Quebec. There was no point in moving so far away to find a French girl, that said. #just saying
Samuel, saturated by the orgy of objects, has become minimalist. “If one goes in, one goes out. » He told me about this couple from Westmount who had a pantry as big as my dining room. And this lady who emptied her house to go to RPA, without having sorted it out. Two trucks were needed, and the movers had to stack the furniture on top of each other when it arrived at its destination. Hours of fun. Not to mention this other customer and her 200 boxes of books…
We are sick of our possessions. On a desert island, I leave with my tweezers (it’s queer and it’s busy) and a mover. They still know what to do when the toaster is packed.
Scatology and hugs
We laughed about the writing on the boxes. “Cagibi” became “KGB”, and Eric wrote “poo” on the box that contained my 14 books on shit, from anthropology to Henry Miller’s book Read in the offices. “Are there any books about THIS?!” » After “that”, he called me Josée. Nowadays, all tastes are in nature. And we must not confuse scatology and coprology. Shit is the future, more and more people are into it even if it doesn’t smell like anything.
At the very end, I picked up a very small book that was lying around, escaped from the lot, A poet among pickup breeders, by Michel X Côté. “Give this to Samuel, he has a pickup!” »
Far or not far, it doesn’t matter, just emptying the place does the trick
I kept the book and discovered, while waiting for the truck to fill, a prose of Abitibian poet who understands the essential: “Of course, they want us to believe that pickup breeders have no thought for art and poetry. »
Listen to this, guys: “Since day one, we’ve been disappearing. Kindness does not run on lithium batteries. My entire life would fit in the box of a pickup truck, with nothing sticking out, flush with the edge, not even room for a dog, going back and forth from nowhere to nowhere else. »
My movers drove six miles out of nowhere with my boxes. In addition to the tip, the semi-old lady gave each of them a big hug as they left. Way Infoman on December 31, hug will become very trendy this year: it’s free, it’s reassuring and there’s always more than we think.
PS – Ah! Eric! I gave away half my poop books. The world is constipated anyway. I wish us a year 2024 where we will get rid of the superfluous, but not mutual aid, nor good humor. Otherwise, it’s just annoying.