I’m not a government employee, so I don’t have a duty of care, so put on your hats! My handsome, tall 13 year old boy is high functioning autistic and has ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder without the H). As he is considered a mild case, we worked hard with the administration so that he could receive services at school. I spare you the struggles that were ours in elementary school, which resemble the burden of all parents of atypical children.
We’ll call him Tim. Tim no longer goes to class, the school educates him remotely. His high school has dedicated teachers of all ages, and the specialist staff who help Tim are brilliant. Tim started the 1D secondary in robotics, but he would have needed more assistance in the laboratory. He could not continue this concentration in 2e high school because his grades were close to failing.
When you have an autism spectrum disorder (ASD), you get stuck when a piece is missing from your learning pyramid. When we also have an attention problem, noise distracts us. Hence my son’s difficulties at the robotics lab in 1D secondary. We learned that things weren’t going too well after the first bulletin—there were only two bulletins that year—and it was therefore difficult to correct things.
In 2e high school, Tim is admitted to the regular program. He tells me that his class is worse! He sits in front to manage to hear the teacher, but he receives all kinds of projectiles. Most teachers don’t really have control over this class. Being tall and strong, Tim is not a victim of physical aggression, but noise attacks him. He is not given the right to protect himself with a hoodie or headphones. The days are exhausting for him and, in addition, he has to face the hubbub on the bus on the way back.
From time to time, Tim throws a tantrum in class, and then we get a call asking us to pick him up. I ask for references for a shrink at school, without success. Tim does all his tests and assignments in the specialized services room and goes to class only when the teacher is teaching. Nothing to do, the situation is deteriorating. I finally manage to get him to talk and I think he is depressed.
My tall boy, 5ft 8, is grieving his life. We see the doctor quickly (yes, there are doctors like that), who diagnoses a post-traumatic disorder because of the bullying suffered in elementary school. We had the shrink, in the private sector, and the school at a distance. This is possible in our case because one of us works remotely full time.
My boy’s condition brought me to my knees and I had to quit a job that I love. I needed a little break to redo my armor, so much his story echoes mine. Seeing, powerless, my guy tumble before my eyes, it’s hard, even more so because I’m so atypical and I suffered the same fate as Tim at school.
The school may offer help, but I wonder how it can hope to be able to integrate a child in difficulty and who has an ASD into a group of young people who have not been able to follow a concentration program, therefore who often have low notes. I have the group averages that prove it. For example, in math, tests often come close to failing. It’s a downward spiral. Tim is brilliant, but he doesn’t get good grades because of depression.
My boy needs to find the taste of school, but he picks up alone in a class with a high concentration of dunces. How can we really help him in this situation? What to do so that our “Tims” go up the slope and do not let their interest drop? This is an important question: believe me, there are a lot of “Tims” since COVID-19.
Why not go back to electives rather than concentrations? I had an optional physics course in 4e high school, with a lot of laboratory work, and that really made me appreciate science, without having to follow a concentration program, without having to be in an enriched group. Tim returned to school this week and managed to attend one lesson a day before the exam session.
Thanks to the efforts of management and Tim, and with distance learning, we still hope to be able to save his year. We — his parents — have regained some energy thanks to the holidays. Tim can’t change groups, because it’s full. We are going to help him as much as possible while trying to preserve ourselves as well.