When we talk about the actors of the culture of rape, we cannot ignore the major institutions which are a priori supposed to protect the population, such as justice! Of course ! Using the “presumption of innocence”, “beyond a reasonable doubt” or even “burden of proof”, including a “sincere but mistaken belief in communicated consent”, these institutions too often resort to magic terms in the name of legal truth to justify and trivialize the sexual violence committed within our society. Verdict? These institutions thus become accomplices in perpetuating the culture of rape.
Surprise ! This is also the case of humans like you and me, with a similar continuum of social skills, but who, out of cowardice, ignorance or, even worse, under the reassuring cover of academic expertise, will exercise an authority , that of knowing, to conclude coldly, faced with the confidences of their victim/survivor friends, that what they experienced was simply not a sexual assault. Some people will even sometimes decree this by advocating a feminist approach. Often, these are the same people who decide to support abusers when it comes to a friend or a past relationship. Verdict? Double stab, double punishment!
I allow myself an aside to clarify that I use the masculine voluntarily when I speak of the aggressors since they are in the majority. However, I do not deny that women do the same thing. This term describes human beings like others, who are distinguished by the fact that they have committed sexual assaults.
Rather than supporting the victim/survivor, these individuals will allow themselves to assess credibility as interpreters in court would. It’s sadly ordinary. And as if the trauma itself were not enough, some will even go so far as to offer non-violent communication workshops. Beneath this falsely benevolent mask, taking refuge in their ivory tower of knowledge, these people believe they are invincible and inspired. What inconsistency, what irony! Verdict? They too, yes, perpetuate the culture of rape.
Ditto for people who decide not to say anything to the protectors of the aggressors, to the detriment of the story of the victims/survivors. Verdict? Their silence, too, fuels rape culture.
The power of impunity
And families in all this? There are those who endorse the actions of their members by not reacting despite the suffering generated, whether by their silence or their denial. There are those who decide not to believe the stories of their own children. Then there are those who educate and encourage young people to adopt (and perform) a compartmentalized, restrictive and binary gender, thereby nourishing the beginnings of unequal, unhealthy and inequitable relationships between human beings. And there are the families who decide to relieve the aggressors of responsibility by minimizing their attitudes, preferring to speak of gestures that are “a little insistent” or deemed “consentful” on the part of the victim/survivor. Whether she is 8, 12, 32, 45, 60 or 80 years old, in their eyes, she will always be the culprit. Verdict? Some families, too, are complicit in rape culture.
All these voices, in a way, authorize the aggressors to enjoy their power with complete impunity and even encourage them to widen their range of sexual assault practices. Why would the aggressors change their attitude? How can they even care about their behaviors or want to make a meaningful change if no one ever questions them? Their acts are perpetually and constantly validated by the rape culture actors around them! These supports — whether visible or invisible, stemming from recognized or unrecognized biases, motivated by denials and justifications to perpetuate this belief, which may be sincere but erroneous as to the merits of their actions — are not no less devastating.
These human beings may not have committed aggression as such, and they probably wish to extricate themselves from it, but in doing so they bear the responsibility of refusing to see and to say. In doing so, they can cause immense harm, and most certainly add to the distress of victims/survivors. And as a result, it must be said: they endorse the violence of the aggressors while accepting the distress of the victims/survivors.
Because yes, the lack of benevolence and empathetic support is not without disastrous repercussions for the victims/survivors. Whether or not one identifies with the identity of victim/survivor or that of perpetrator, the violence and the pain that results from it are intolerable and unacceptable. Validating the perpetrators rather than the victims is fundamentally ethically problematic.
Cultivate a know-how
However, we cannot depart from ethics, it is the key to life skills in our society. Of course, not everything is split between black and white. There are nuances. We are deeply complex and diverse beings. We make mistakes. Our actions have consequences. We can experience a variety of emotions even when we are the protagonist who has caused the suffering of others. We are human beings, after all. But that does not mean that we have animal impulses that dictate our actions. Our socialization does not excuse violence. We cannot act with impunity.
Collectively, we certainly do not want a world filled with sexual violence. The next step is to cut short the promotion of rape culture. What if we could take better care of each other? To ensure the well-being of others? Be less individualistic? Connecting to the experience of others? Be a little more candid? Adopt a firmly benevolent approach in our actions? Carry out an introspection instead of endlessly finding justifications and excuses? Cultivate skills, values and true ethics? Deconstruct our own biases and recognize the suffering that such biases can generate?
Better, can we finally take responsibility for our actions? Excuse us? Validate and recognize the experience of others even when it confronts us with our certainties and makes us uncomfortable? I want to believe that yes, it is possible.
What if, together, allies and allies, we build a new paradigm, all accomplices, but this time, to deconstruct the culture of rape? I believe in it. Do you believe it too?