Prepare a little, a lot or passionately?
PHOTO MARCO CAMPANOZZI, THE PRESS
Louis-David Mercier and Mathilde Couture with Henri, their 4-month-old son
Mathilde Couture was convinced that she had prepared well for the arrival of her first child. “Pregnant, I read so much, I listened to so many podcasts. I took free training given by organizations. I was ready,” recalls the teacher. However, since she gave birth to little Henri four months ago, nothing has gone as she had imagined. “Mathilde wanted to give birth naturally, in the end it was a caesarean section. She wanted to breastfeed, finally, it’s the breast pump. We wanted to try washable diapers, but, in the end, the baby has eczema and it may not be ideal, ”lists her spouse, Louis-David Mercier. What the couple would have liked to know before becoming parents? “There’s no point in spending too much time planning everything, because you can’t predict what’s going to happen,” sums up the father.
Psychoeducator Mélanie Bilodeau agrees: “We have no control over anything. No baby is the same,” she says, pointing out that new parents often have unrealistic expectations. For some, getting the facts can take away some anxiety, she notes. But rather than reading all the information available on childbirth or breastfeeding, for example, the author of the book Be your baby’s expert invites future parents to prepare for their baby by reflecting on their strengths and challenges as co-parents. “If we know that we already have communication challenges, it may be that after childbirth, with fatigue and hormones, it becomes even more of a challenge. […] We can try to find codes and ways of doing things in advance so as not to fall on the tomato,” she suggests.
The challenge of dropping out when you are a business leader
PHOTO PROVIDED BY SOPHIE APOLLON-AUGUSTE
Sophie Apollon-Auguste
I had announced my leave, but there was still information, decisions to be made where it was necessary to have my authorization, so I was never really able to disconnect or disconnect the plogue 100%. If I had known, I would have prepared differently. Like I thought I was really gonna be off, I had delegated a lot of things, but I still had to check certain information, to follow up. At the same time, I’m a new entrepreneur, so I’m not experienced either. Even in the way of calculating the leave – from which date do we stop, on which date do we return? –, I find that parental leave is not really suited to women entrepreneurs.
Sophie Apollon-Auguste, mother of a 5-month-old daughter
According to a survey by the CDEC de Québec published in 2021, the entrepreneurs met in discussion groups evoke an emotional charge, “an emotional sacrifice” and a feeling of guilt when it comes time to approach work-family balance. Among the comments received, a mother said in particular: “When you take care of the child, you don’t take care of the business and when you take care of it, you don’t see your child growing up. »
PHOTO MARTIN CHAMBERLAND, THE PRESS
Mylène Bezeau-Gervais, Martin Brais and their daughter Emma, 13 months
Review the order of priorities
It’s obvious: becoming a parent changes your life. Couple, family, friends, work, “everything changes”, summarizes Mylène Bezeau-Gervais. “But it can change positively, that’s what I would like to say to future parents,” adds the mother of Emma, 13 months. The arrival of the little girl notably led her spouse, Martin Brais, and her to review the place they gave to work in their daily lives. “We want to take more care of the little one,” explains the father. Outings with friends are also no longer the same. “Sunday, we saw my best friend and her boyfriend at the municipal swimming pool with our babies. Usually, we didn’t do that”, gives as an example Mylène Bezeau-Gervais, laughing.
“Parenthood is a change of identity, confirms psychologist Lory Zephyr. We have different perspectives and thoughts. […] It is in the service of the parent-child relationship to have this psychic reorganization. In vogue for several years, the term “matrescence”, which can be summarized as “the birth of a mother”, also draws a parallel between motherhood and another period rich in upheavals: adolescence. But unlike the years spent in high school, society realizes less the full extent of the changes wrought by motherhood and fatherhood, according to the psychologist who specializes in maternal mental health. Do new parents generally live well with this redefinition of their priorities? “The majority of couples end up finding their bearings”, answers Lory Zephyr, adding that certain factors, such as an entourage ready to help, a good socio-economic situation or the possibility of taking parental leave, facilitate this transition.
ANYABERKUT PHOTO, THINKSTOCK ARCHIVES
According to the Canadian Pediatric Society, a baby should see a doctor at 2 months, 4 months, 6 months, 9 months, 12 months, 18 months, and 2 years, then once a year until age 5.
The difficulty of finding a doctor for your newborn
“The first big shock I had, says Michelle Camara, mother of a 13-month-old boy, is not finding a doctor to do my son’s first pediatric follow-ups before leaving on the move. It was once in France that I was able to see a pediatrician several times in the end. We also went to West Africa, where he was very ill. And then even there, it was easier for me to see a pediatrician than in Quebec. I was a bit helpless. I needed to have my child followed up, to know if everything was fine. It’s true that these are things we read, but living it is something else. For me, it was really a shock. »
According to the Canadian Pediatric Society, a baby should see a doctor at 2 months, 4 months, 6 months, 9 months, 12 months, 18 months, and 2 years, then once a year until age 5.