The moment when our child, now a young adult, leaves the nest is full of parental contradictions: joy and pain at seeing him take flight, serenity and anxiety in the face of this new chapter. How can we support it in an enlightened way… without suffocating it?
“I raised them to be independent. It’s the cycle of life! »
Valérie Morrissette, a forty-year-old from Saint-Hubert, saw her 24-year-old daughter leave the family home recently – and it is now the turn of her 20-year-old son.
PHOTO CHARLES WILLIAM PELLETIER, SPECIAL COLLABORATION
Valérie Morisette prepares to see her 20-year-old son leave home.
A single mother and “mother hen”, according to her own words, she looks both proud and sad at these departures. “I have a strong sense of family,” she confides. I get a lump in my throat when I think about it, but I’m happy to have shown them how to manage, including manual skills. »
Able to do all the small jobs in her house herself, Mme Morrissette passed on her knowledge to her children. “With the right tools in hand, they can do anything,” she says. This saves them costs, in addition to ensuring quality. »
Stress management
For some parents, the child who starts walking or starts school is going through THE stressful developmental phase; for others, it’s adolescence, with the irrepressible desire to gain independence and discover the world.
And for still others, it’s moving out of the nest. Mathias*, 28, remembers his mother’s overwhelming anxiety when it came time to move. It was five years ago. “His stress stressed me out,” he says. Today, we laugh about it, but at the time, I found it intense. It was I who had to reassure her. »
According to psychologist Geneviève Beaulieu-Pelletier, parents must accompany and support their child without bullying them. The objective is to listen and show availability, while respecting the young person’s space. “Generally, if our child has made this decision, it means that he is ready to assume it,” she emphasizes.
PHOTO MARCO CAMPANOZZI, LA PRESSE ARCHIVES
Psychologist Geneviève Beaulieu-Pelletier
Don’t forget: our child is losing his bearings. He is called to build a new routine. In this sense, offering to visit the neighborhood on foot with him, in order to find the grocery store, the pharmacy, the park, etc., can be a useful and reassuring step.
Geneviève Beaulieu-Pelletier, psychologist
“We can also guide him in his preparation for this new life,” indicates the professor in the psychology department of the University of Quebec in Montreal (UQAM). For example, helping them with their finances, meal planning and managing their schedule. He will perhaps experience moments of solitude for the first time in his life…”
Countdown
Knowing how to manage a budget is essential, confirms Elizabeth Alescio, professional organizer. Does he know his current expenses? Does he know how to write a check? All the administrative procedures linked to moving, such as taking out home insurance and transferring your address, are new reflexes to acquire.
PHOTO PROVIDED BY ELIZABETH ALESCIO
Elizabeth Alescio is a professional organizer
“The app MovingWaldo is super practical, says the woman who is at the head of Mlle Range-Tout, a company specializing in storage and space optimization. It allows you to make all address changes in one click. »
She recommends starting a list as a countdown. Starting from the big day of the move, we go back in time (up to three months before the deadline) to plan and anticipate all the tasks to be done.
When making the boxes, she recommends using a color code (green in the bathroom, yellow in the kitchen, etc.), in addition to detailing the contents of each box.
Furniture and first grocery store
And for the purchase of furniture and what we call the “starter kit”?
Mathias took advantage of his family circle to appeal to everyone: “My aunt gave me dishes, a friend of my father gave me shelves and hooks that he no longer used and my mother gave me bought a shower curtain and rug. »
Valérie Morrissette likes to scan resale sites, like Kijiji and Marketplace. Obviously, following the sales at pharmacies and grocery stores, especially for the first grocery store, is a good tip for saving money. “We also find a lot of basic things at Dollarama,” she says, “mustard, ketchup, salt and pepper, spices, washcloths, utensils…”
For organizer Elizabeth Alescio, IKEA and Walmart are good places to start when furnishing an apartment. “Structube can also offer things that are not too expensive,” she says, adding that we must not forget to calculate the delivery and assembly time.
The most common mistake? Want to optimize your storage spaces without taking any measures first. “It’s better to use the space a little.” »
*Mathias preferred to testify on condition of anonymity, fearing of offending those close to him.