With MatchLili Boisvert sheds a harsh light on the birth of an abusive relationship and the way in which it insinuates itself into the interstices of daily life, until it takes up all the space.
Posted yesterday at 8:00 a.m.
Emilie, the narrator of Match, is a journalist, an assertive feminist and fearless. She recounts her rise in the media world and her entry into the public sphere, while hosting a radio show and preparing a concept for a TV show with her colleague Audrey, two openly feminist projects.
Positions that are not the best “branding” to please men, agrees the character. “I was well aware that my professional choices would have consequences on my personal life, but I had decided that it would not stop me. »
The topo tells you something? Impossible, reading this novel, not to make the link between Émilie and Lili Boisvert, who made a name for herself by animating SEXplora and The Brutes, with Judith Lussier. In this story, the character tells how she “matches” on a dating site with Ludwig, a man who, under his charming and caring looks, hides abusive, controlling and manipulative behavior.
Autofiction? “It’s deliberate to present this story in the form of a novel. I do not wish to specify the percentage of reality and fiction. I hope the story itself is solid enough that it doesn’t need context. What I can say is that I know this subject, that of a romantic relationship that turns badly”, will be content to affirm the one who has largely withdrawn from the public square and social networks for a few years. years.
A strong woman
Once again, Lili Boisvert shows up where we least expected her, she who had surprised by publishing in 2020 the first volume ofanan, a fantastic trilogy. Those who are waiting for the final volume will have to wait a little longer, because the writing of Match imposed on her.
“I knew that my publisher was waiting for volume 3 ofananbut chronologically speaking, in my head, I had to Match happens at this time, ”she says, assuring that the writing of the final volume is going well.
This story, she explains, has taken root in particular in a reflection that has animated her for several years around the strong woman. “It motivated me a lot to write this story. Like the character of Émilie and myself, it’s something that I have claimed a lot in my life and that I have often been attached to as a profile. But ultimately, I think it’s a double-edged sword that can easily turn against the so-called strong woman. »
Being considered a strong woman puts a target on your back and it can also pick up some people who will want to put you in your place, bring you back to a more classic feminine ideal.
Lili Boisvert, author
But just like for the character of Émilie, who, strong woman as she is, will be caught in the net of an abusive situation from which she will find it difficult to extricate herself, Lili Boisvert was able to observe that the fact of being a strong woman does not protect you from everything. “I myself was blinded by this idea of a strong woman, that I am capable of taking it, that I am in control of the situation. But I realized that’s not true at all; Just because you’re able to label a behavior doesn’t mean it doesn’t affect you. »
There is an ironic dimension to Matchadds the one who now works as deputy director of information for the newspaper Subway. “He is a character who sees himself so strongly, but who will decide at some point in his life to protect himself. And it is at this precise moment that she will meet the man who will finish her off, who will make her docile, submissive and pitiful. »
The genesis of abuse
With MatchLili Boisvert sheds a harsh and uncompromising light on a type of abusive relationship that often goes under the radar because it does not necessarily end in a bloodbath or in a heroic tale where the woman bravely pulls herself out of the clutches of a violent man.
“I wanted to show a genesis of an abusive relationship. Often you see when it’s made very clear that the woman is being abused, but you rarely see the progression. I wanted to dissect what goes on in the brain of someone who falls into an abusive situation. There’s a range of other stories that are fuzzier, grayer… Those stories are legit too. »
The abuse, notes the author, often settles in a pernicious way, in the details and also in the confusion that toxic people install in the other. A context which, she believes, is favored by the current culture of dating.
the dating is very open, very liberated today. This creates, in my opinion, a lot of possible shifts and gives room for abusive and unequal power dynamics to develop.
Lili Boisvert, author
Thus, in an increasingly disastrous match where Émilie and Ludwig pass the buck, the narrator gradually becomes convinced that it is a bit her the problem, that she must “calm down”, lower her expectations. Her lover is fragile, suffers from an abandonment syndrome which pushes him to act like this; he is weak and she is strong. Little by little, she accepts to lose, to submit to his multiple demands, to his rigid conception of sex, endures his contemptuous comments, his insults, his fits, his sudden mood swings.
“Sometimes people use their vulnerability as a weapon,” she notes. We excuse a lot of toxic behavior because of that, but ultimately, it’s power games, ways of establishing one’s authority, of manipulating another person. »
In the end, what Lili Boisvert demonstrates in this short and powerful story is that no one is immune, strong women no more than others. “Before, I thought there were some people that it could never happen to. Now I don’t believe that at all. Studies show it: the only real risk factor for being in an abusive situation is being a woman. »
In bookstores March 16
Match
Lili Boisvert
VLB editor
192 pages