There are chronicles inspired by meetings, events, people who accomplish particular things. And then there are chronicles that come out of our guts, our hearts, our feelings. Here is one in this category.
In a few months, I will be a grandmother for the second time! Already, being a granny for the first time is our life that changes, that redefines itself. I thought that motherhood was the pinnacle of the consecration of our reason for living, but being a grandmother also has a lot of meaning. Obviously, becoming a grandmother underlines two observations: having been a mother and having aged. It’s normal and it’s the chain of life, but it also means taking a different look at our journey.
Being a grandmother means accepting that life continues through this son or daughter that we gave birth to, that we raised, who worried us, made us laugh and cry, to whom we gave the best of ourselves, who now flies with his own wings and becomes a parent himself.
Being a grandmother can be learned. And we have to constantly adjust. The instruction book is as vague as when you become a mother.
It is a role that must be exercised “neither too close nor too far”. We are not the parents and, in the best case scenario, there are two parents to take care of the child. We have no authority, and that’s fine!
The grandmother is not the mother. She occupies the place that parents want to assign her. She must agree to make herself vulnerable to the meaning that her status has for her, both in her relationship to her child who has become a parent and to the emotions and feelings awakened by the arrival of this baby. All this conscious and unconscious dynamic is at work and inhabits us, for the better and sometimes the more difficult.
If our children have parents who have separated, it is often several grandparents, biological and by marriage, who are amazed and want to be useful. Not easy for a young couple who themselves juggle all the vagaries of parenthood and availability for their entire extended family.
This new status involves several changes. It’s the bassinet that will be used to keep the child who reappears in a room, it’s the games, stuffed animals, diapers and clothes that find a place in the house… and it’s our old forgotten reflexes that come back into play.
And now, after a grandson, here is a granddaughter! For me, who had two boys, the birth of this baby obviously takes on a special meaning. I have never experienced the complexity and pleasures of the mother-daughter relationship with a child. It will be a discovery to watch myself go with a little girl who will certainly arouse new emotions and who will invite me to explore hitherto unexplored areas of my personality.
PHOTO HUGO-SÉBASTIEN AUBERT, LA PRESSE ARCHIVES
Becoming a granny also means a return to motherhood reflexes.
In this role of grandmother, we immediately say to ourselves: how old will my grandchildren be when I am really old? We don’t think about this when we give birth to children ourselves. Life still seems long to us and our responsibilities as mothers are all-consuming, in addition to other challenges at work and in our social life. And I ask myself, having more time for reflection: will I still be there in their adult life, how long will I enjoy it?
Becoming a grandmother also means realizing that through the life we have, new lives are now taking shape which will be part of the future of humanity.
Times are difficult, there are wars, massacres, famines, a housing crisis, climate and overdoses, mental health problems, and despite all this, our children have faith in the future, in the The importance of reproducing so that everything does not end there, that life is worth living despite everything. Our children will fight as we did to give the best of themselves to their children. It’s beautiful, it’s strong, and it really gives hope that this planet can be saved, which has been so mistreated for decades.
As grandma, our role is to adjust, to be there just in case, discreetly, when necessary, or simply to share happy moments.
So I thank destiny, heaven or whatever you want for this chance that I have to live this granny experience, remembering that each day is a gift and a privilege, thoughts which inhabit us less when we live in the whirlwind of being parents of young children.
It is surely the fact of being older, of working shorter hours, of having calmed my professional ambitions and of looking as calmly as possible towards the future that allows me to stop for a few moments to write about this role and on this identity that many have the happiness of living, but that unfortunately others will not live, or will live with difficulty, or at a distance. It’s a new gift of self, like that of being parents, but with a bonus of wisdom and serenity that I wish for all grandmothers.
NB: There are also grandpas, as well as grandmas and grandpas of heart or alliance. I wouldn’t dare speak for them.
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