Fallen leaves are picked up with a shovel, memories and regrets (maybe), too. They might nostalgia that November upon us, but they’re far too busy in the moment to look behind. The past gives you stiff necks.
Last week, I retired for 24 hours with the members of the ViVE coop, five more or less young aged 65 to 79, more or less active retirees, very committed to their community and happy with their lot. , above all.
I meditated with them at 8 am, followed them through the fallen leaves of the path that leads to Kelly Lake, on the slopes of Mount Sutton. Odile, 79 years old, the size of a grasshopper, was frolicking in front of me, her step as quick as it was confident. Every day, they will climb the mountain along the stream in which Odile bathes even when it is cold.
Sometimes Yves goes to the village with his electric bike to do some shopping. He picks up the list from the fridge. He always buys bananas and cinnamon rolls. And he hides the Miss Vickies in the workshop, his cave with a wood stove, at the back of the field.
Their story could be that of many people who want to age in their place as tenants, without paying exorbitant rent in an RPA and being able to count on home care, on the help of caring roommates and a domestic structure designed around. autonomy. But above all, living together in a joyful place where death is one of the possibilities, without fear or denial. A place where ailments and losses are welcomed as so many opportunities to dig inside. Where old age does not rhyme with drought and distress.
Martine, Yves, Chandra, Odile and Renée did not wait for the crisis in CHSLDs, RPAs transformed into prisons during the pandemic, the promises of the Seniors’ House at disproportionate costs to dream their ideal last step. They were 16 people at the beginning, were activated during six years to imagine the framework and the “mission”.
Then, they got down to convincing the municipality and the insurance companies, which could not fit them anywhere: neither municipality, nor single-family residence, nor commercial enterprise. The Town of Sutton assigned them the term “household”. A household for five.
The club of 5
Their co-op is an antidote to loneliness, although individual privacy remains supreme. The coop also allows them to pay $ 900 per month, all inclusive (except food, but they cultivate a vegetable garden and cook), in a magnificent setting and with an enviable quality of life. They share the bright space of a 15-room house that paid for $ 600,000 two years ago, just before the prices soared. The non-subsidized co-op remains the owner.
Everyone enjoys the privacy of their large bedroom with bathroom, while having access to lounges (bis), kitchens (plural), meditation room, gardens and vegetable patch, workshop, etc.
In the ideal society that I have just mentioned, one can dream that old age would hardly exist
In short, their all-inclusive could inspire others, because a quarter of the Quebec population will be over 65 in 2030 and everything is in favor of home support.
A CROP survey told us in the spring that 78% of people 60 and over want to age at home and have access to home care.
“The five of us have 250 years of experience running a house,” Renée calculates. Nothing is planned, no schedule or chores. And everything is done. It’s fluid. “
Every Thursday morning, a meeting allows everyone to speak. We settle more concrete questions, but also the inevitable tensions. They refer to the book of nonviolent communication by psychologist Marshall B. Rosenberg to soften the angles. “It comes down to ‘What does that matter to me?’, Instead of ‘What did you do to me?’, Emphasizes Yves. We are leaving the model “I’m bad, I’m telling you, you react defensively”. “
Take care of each other
“In a group, there is a collective intelligence that awakens. If someone is wrong, you take care of them, because everyone is wrong, ”notes Chandra. Yves and Martine lived as a couple for 20 years and separated before the start of the coop; Odile has spent most of her life alone; Renée has five children from three different fathers; Chandra has lived in several communities; and all cultivate a spiritual approach.
Each one arrived with his baggage of life and left it at the door to embrace another mode of interaction, that of intentional communities. They will also be caregivers of each other over time, as much as possible.
While Martine prepares her Qi Gong lessons, Renée practices her piano lessons, Odile takes quantum watercolor lessons by Zoom, Chandra learns the guitar for fun. “The great luxury of old age,” notes Yves, “is to let go of obligations. Moreover, each modifies their schedules, meals and others, as they see fit.
We prefer to build ghettos for the elderly instead of investing in home care for those who want to stay at home
There is mutual aid and relational intelligence between these walls. To succeed in this perilous model, the ViVE coop relied on the expertise of other co-ops and the bible of Diana Leafe Christian, Live differently, on ecovillages, communities and cohabitations. We learn that 90% of these intentional communities do not work or never see the light of day. And although the administrative structure is fundamental, the relationships within this chosen community remain central.
“It’s easier to resolve conflicts in a group than one on one,” Martine thinks. The original intention is that no one wants to hurt themselves. We are here to live together and love each other. “
“It stimulates us, adds Yves. The interest of the coop is to be jostled, happy or disturbing. “
Moreover, ViVE is looking for another roommate, “a man, to strive for parity”.
Housekeeping at 6!
“Someone who doesn’t like to be alone is going to be miserable here,” thinks Chandra, who appreciates her elective loneliness in parentheses.
After a day in their company, I am convinced that in co-op, as in love, it’s all about chemistry.
(And each his Miss Vickie’s!)