It is said that January is the month of divorce and February the month of lovers, which is celebrated on the 14th, Valentine’s Day, in a large majority of countries. This date becomes a privileged opportunity to show his love to the chosen one of his heart.
Different ways exist to celebrate his love: a candlelit dinner washed down with champagne and romantic music, a personalized gift, red roses, symbol of passion, without forgetting the night that follows to consecrate everything.
Valentine’s Day around the world
But, did you know that Valentine’s Day is also presented as the celebration of friendship in many Latin American countries, and that it does not always take place on February 14? In Bolivia, the holiday takes place on September 21, and in Colombia, on the third Monday of September. In Iran, Valentine’s Day is rather the occasion of a festival of love towards mothers and wives in addition to a celebration of the earth. In Israel, this holiday is held in July or August, according to the Hebrew calendar. In China, it takes place on the seventh day of the seventh month of the Chinese calendar. In Wales, it is rather Saint Dwynwen, patron saint of lovers, that is celebrated on January 25 instead of Valentine’s Day.
Conversely, in Pakistan and some Muslim countries where the majority of marriages are arranged, the celebration of Valentine’s Day is prohibited.
The definition
Many criticize this holiday, which they consider to be too commercial: in the United States, more than 20 billion dollars are spent on this occasion, according to the Trade Federation.
Latin love, word love has several meanings in French, unlike English, where you can use love Or like. It can mean affection, friendship, filial or parental love, carnal love… It often refers to passion. Previously, the expression make love referred to “wooing a woman”; today, the expression refers to the sexual act.
Love and passion are however different: one is a feeling, the other an emotion. Friendship is based on affinities, where love seeks complementarities. Friendship excludes sexuality, love seeks it.
My definition
I really like Scott Peck’s definition which presents love as a deliberate choice following a reflection made from the knowledge of the other and the experiences lived with this other. This is why I often say that true love is the goal of the couple and not its basis.
The basis could be physical and sexual drive or attraction. This physical intimacy must be transformed into cognitive and emotional intimacy made up of respect, trust and admiration.
Finally, what is the use of the couple if not to reciprocally commit to the realization of personal, marital and family projects? The three components of love are therefore, for me, attraction, intimacy and commitment.
To paraphrase Scott Peck, the most beautiful word of love you can say to your partner is: “Darling, when I’m with you, I’m happy and when I’m without you, I’m happy. My happiness does not depend on you, but it is with you that I want to share it to make it grow. » I agree with the actor Benoit Magimel, who wrote: « Happiness is found alone and shared between two ».
And to conclude, I hope that the loves started in February will not end in January.
Yvon Dallaire, Marriage consultant, author, speaker and trainer