immersion in a parental responsibility course

Parental responsibility has been a hot topic of debate in recent months, particularly when Gabriel Attal expressed his wish to develop responsibility courses for failing or violent parents. In reality, they have already existed since 2007. Report from one of them, within the association “La Sauvegarde du Nord”.

In April 2024, the resigning Prime Minister Gabriel Attal expressed his wish for a plan for “putting authority back at the heart of the Republic.” He intended to develop responsibility courses for failing or violent parents. In reality, they have already existed since 2007. Governments regularly talk about increasing their number. Each year, several are organized by the association approved by the Justice “The Safeguarding of the North” in Lille.

At the association’s headquarters, that morning around the table, in the large meeting room, six dads and a mom of different ages take their places in silence. They are from diverse social and geographical origins and do not know each other. They have been accused of negligence, from not sending their children to school to not paying child support to their teenager’s repeated use of drugs. Some have also committed violence against their offspring, but not serious violence. The criminal records of these seven parents are clean, so rather than prosecuting them, the prosecutor demanded that they take this three-day course, which they had to pay 120 euros for.

To begin, Charlotte Desmons, the educator who leads this course, introduces herself by specifying that she is herself the mother of two young children. She then starts the viewing of a short film on parenthood which traces all the upheavals that becoming a parent can cause from the birth of the baby. “If you agree, we’re going to brainstorm together to define what the notion of parenthood evokes for you, what being a parent evokes for you.”continues Charlotte Desmons.

Participants are then invited to speak, even those who try to be as discreet as possible, and the words flow. “Educate, learn, be encouraging, instill politeness, give tenderness, reassure children…”. The educator paints a dark picture of all these ideas. The discussion quickly turns to the question of the limits to set for children and it is at this point that, almost systematically, the participants come to minimize the reasons that brought them there.

They then recall the way they themselves were raised. “We’ve all been slapped and spanked by our parents, but if it’s to put the child back on the right path, it’s not mean. Madam Educator, you said you have two children yourself. Have you never spanked them?” asks a father in his thirties.

The educator explains that it is not always easy to face one’s own emotions but that she has never given in to what can be an impulse of violence that would come with anger. The trainee father continues: “But I talk to the other parents at my children’s school. I promise you that they all tell me that they have already smacked their children.”. Other interns agree.

The educators listen a lot and try to move the lines without judgment and with kindness. The arbitration of this question of spankings and other occasional slaps is resolved a little later by another speaker who came to say, she, the law. Indeed, it is the justice that orders these courses, so, on the first day it is a deputy prosecutor who opens the session then a lawyer specializing in issues related to children takes over.

In this case, Me Eva Lerault from the Lille bar is there in front of the trainees. She has just clearly specified what the law amended in 2019 says and which some people are unaware of. “It’s in the Civil Code, it’s important. I’ll give you the name of the article if you want to go and look it up on the internet one day. Article 371-1 states that parental authority is exercised without physical or psychological violence. The same text further specifies that parents must involve the child in decisions that concern them according to their age and degree of maturity.”

A little reflection on morality, notions of law, the exchange between participants, that’s what this course is based on. There are also moments during the three days that can arouse a lot of emotion. It is not uncommon for a few tears to flow, especially when reading a fictional letter from a teenager to his parents in front of the group. It was invented by the American psychologist Gretchen Schmelzer. Here is an extract: “Dear Parent, this is the letter I wish I could write to you. This conflict we are in now, I need it. I need this fight. I can’t explain it because I don’t have the vocabulary to do so, and anyway what I would say wouldn’t make sense. But I need this fight. Desperately.”. Many participants recognize themselves in it. It so happens that very recently the star comedian Franck Dubosc, very touched by his words, read it in a video that went viral on social networks.

Reading this letter, like other moments of the internship, helps some interns to become aware and take a step back, even if many struggle to admit it. “I must admit that this letter did not leave me indifferent. I think I will answer it and then send both letters to my two daughters, aged 14 and 16, to show them that I have decided to make an effort to understand them and that I too am affected by the deterioration of our relationship. There are no good and bad parents. We are all learning parents and criticism can be positive, that’s true. It doesn’t hurt to take a step back from our educational choices.”confides François, in his forties, during the break.

“Parental responsibility courses do not work miracles but give parents some ideas for the future”explains Charlotte Desmons, the educator who always makes a point of reminding the trainees that our own anger as parents, even when faced with our child’s stupidity, will have consequences that we must take into account on their development, their construction and their life as a future adult.

“There is no ready-made manual for being a better parent.”

Charlotte Desmons, educator at “La Sauvegarde du Nord”

to franceinfo

If I had to sum up, I would say that you have to dare to ask for help when you are in difficulty with one of your children, accept the helping hands from outside, not necessarily see the education system and associations as an intrusion into a family. You also have to allow yourself the right to make mistakes if it is to avoid repeating them and above all always rely on dialogue with your child. Dialogue remains essential whatever the age of the child and it is even more essential with a teenager who often goes through a storm in his emotional state”adds the professional. Every year, around 2,000 parental responsibility training obligations, like this one, are pronounced in France by prosecutors or judges.