The small room at the back of the bar is lively; I feel like I’m entering a party Office. The event started 15 minutes ago (I couldn’t find parking), but people are already talking loudly. They laugh, they gesticulate, they get involved in the conversation… However, these 24 individuals know neither Eve nor Adam.
This is the fourth “slow dating” evening organized by Afterglo, a Montreal company that offers intimate products. On the other hand, it is the first for heterosexual people aged 40 to 55, the previous ones being aimed at LGBTQ+ communities and young adults.
The people present were chosen at random from all those registered and they were notified as soon as they arrived: here, we forget the ” pitch sales” and high expectations. We’re not here to find a soul mate, but to meet cool humans.
PHOTO CATHERINE LEFEBVRE, SPECIAL COLLABORATION
Kim Levan and Khoa Lê organize “slow dating” evenings.
Moreover, Khoa Lê, co-founder of Afterglo, insists on one thing: “Slow Dating is not an event for singles. It is a place of human connection above all! We do not want to exclude people in search of significant pleasure or polyamorous people and, above all, we do not want to impose this pressure of amorous quest. »
So how do we connect humans without pressure?
There are six four-seat tables in the room. Every 15 minutes, the participants move according to a pre-established route. Throughout the evening, each person will have the chance to meet the others, but without the pressure of a one-on-one. And you don’t even need to find subjects to break the ice, since on each table sit “conversation cards”.
The game was marketed by Afterglo and features questions like “What’s the best party you’ve ever had?” », « The last time you cried? », « What qualities attract you to someone you don’t know? “.
Charming.
The music stops. Khoa tells the participants that the time has come to change tables. Two women I know then notice my presence. ” Oh come on ! The world is small ! »
I take this opportunity to probe Sophie and Catherine: are they having fun? Absolutely ! Catherine even admits being surprised to have so much fun. But hey, some cards may surprise more than others, adds Sophie (who has just explained her relationship to trips three to complete strangers).
The game resumes.
The energy seems better at certain tables, but everywhere the eyes are on the person speaking. I am touched to see that people are entitled to genuine attention. It must be good to be seen and heard like this.
A participant named Yasmina tells me that she is not really here to meet someone, but rather to learn to live alone. “It’s the first time in my life that I’ve entered a bar alone,” proudly declares the newly single.
I find this beautiful.
When the next round begins, Sophie invites me to her table to experience the inside. According to her, it is essential to understand what it is really about. “It’s from dating of humans,” she whispers.
In fifteen minutes, we have time to draw two cards.
“When have we been nicest to you?” »
“Do you prefer to be seduced or to seduce? »
I learn surprisingly a lot about my interlocutors. They are funny and endearing. I understand what Sophie meant. Here, you can make friends, professional contacts or kicksbasically…
At the end of the evening, participants will be able to write a note to the people of their choice. “I would like to see you again” or “you made me think”, cites Khoa as an example. To prevent people leaving empty-handed and sad, messages will be photographed and emailed by the Afterglo team. The rest will belong to the participants.
A new evening for people aged 40 to 55 will take place on January 25, again at the L’ Idéal bar. It is that the demand is great, in this age group. In fact, it is especially so among women… Khoa Lê estimates that the ratio is ten female registrations for one male registration!
“I think women are more comfortable in these types of encounters where there is a real exposure,” the co-founder of Afterglo reflects aloud. Not to mention that men quite easily imagine themselves with a younger woman. Nothing wrong with that, but would a guy in his early 40s spontaneously fall into the “40 to 55” category? The question is valid.
Curious to know where the men are hiding, I called Carl Rodrigue, a graduate in sexology who now teaches at St. Jerome’s University. He replied that very few studies allow us to establish whether or not this is the kind of activity that attracts a male clientele…
On the other hand, it is true that men have often learned less to manage feelings related to vulnerability. Results ? Some are less inclined to expose themselves to a potentially uncomfortable situation.
We also know that heterosexual men launch more poles than women on dating apps. They therefore receive a lot of messages and, sometimes feeling inundated, respond to few of them. Guys can associate this silence with a form of rejection.
There are some who lose confidence in their ability to attract others, following what they perceive as repeated failures online. Those ones might want to avoid getting rejected in person.
Carl Rodrigue, graduate in sexology and teacher at St. Jerome’s University
One thing is certain: studies do not indicate that men are less interested in dating than women. It is therefore a question of finding them, believes Carl Rodrigue.
Khoa Lê is also convinced of this: “I have the impression that men could be interested in this type of meeting, but that we just don’t join them. »
If you are ever one of those, know that someone, somewhere is looking for you…