Run like a business
Some companies use a four-point structured system with tools that aim to improve results and profitability. This system can be transposed to the management of a couple’s projects, says organizational psychologist Josée Blondin, who has just published her new book, Love and wallet. When couples and money go hand in hand. “Strategic thinking can be useful for you to better structure yourself and aim to enrich yourselves together,” she explains. Here is the main outline of the four-point system. First, the couple establishes their plan with a goal, such as having children or retiring within two years. Then he lists the ways to get there. Is an extra room needed for the child? What is the desired style of retirement? Do we need an advisor to make a financial projection? Secondly, the couple implements the means chosen. Third step, it evaluates the effectiveness of these means. Fourth step, it makes improvements or revises the objective. The young couple may decide to buy a smaller house in a less expensive neighborhood, but close to the grandparents. The other couple might choose to retire six months apart in order to adjust to this life transition.
A couple’s CA on the agenda
Company boards of directors are obligatory, they are put on the agenda with specific subjects, and we have no choice but to take the time to discuss them, relates the organizational psychologist. “We don’t take the time to do the communication aspect, because life is hectic,” she observes. Josée Blondin suggests choosing a specific moment, a date, where we meet with an agenda without being too formal, she specifies, and where we take stock of the state of our finances and we discuss individual projects and couple projects. “We can even make a “vision board” on which our projects are displayed and observe where we are in achieving our objectives. » Each member of the couple looks back on what they accomplished – like I organized the vacation, I made such investments… Everyone also names one or two irritants, if there were any. Take the opportunity to change your negative perceptions of others and celebrate your small successes.
The right words to use
“People all behave differently depending on what motivates them and how their brain sorts the information they receive,” observes the organizational psychologist, who explains the concept of metaprograms, the basis of our motivations. Would you rather achieve a goal or walk away from a problem? If someone tells you: “Register, otherwise you will lose your place” or “Register, because you will be first”, which sentence motivates you the most? And which one motivates your spouse? When buying a house, those motivated by purpose will say: we will realize our dream, we will be homeowners, we will have a new neighborhood. Conversely, those motivated by loss will prefer to say: we are going to leave the neighborhood, we are going to change our lifestyle, we will no longer be tenants. Once you’ve determined what type your spouse is, choose the right words and you’ll probably get what you want. “We are not talking about manipulation,” assures Josée Blondin. We adapt to the same language as the other. If I just use the right words, I’ll take him in the right direction. »
It’s your life (and not that of others)
The organizational psychologist says that a couple of clients were planning to spend their retirement winters in Florida, because everyone around them was doing so. In fact, each believed that the other aspired to this type of retirement. During therapy, both confessed that it wasn’t their dream at all. Josée Blondin advised them to experience it at least once to confirm their beliefs. This is how the couple spent only one winter and moved on to another plan. The same situation can occur for the couple who believes that having children requires having a house in the suburbs with a dog. “Avoid getting caught up in the “must haves”, because all the other couples seem to buy a house before this age, buy a big car to take the dog, go around the world with the children, go on a boat six months, advises the specialist. Take a step back and ask yourself: are these our dreams, our desires? What are our goals to be happy together and create our own story? »
The importance of pocket money
In a couple, it takes common dreams and projects, but it also takes space to flourish personally, says Pierre-Raphaël Comeau, senior advisor, financial planning, Laurentian Bank Securities, financial services firm. When taking the total family income, a portion must be reserved for each person’s personal expenses. “Money in general is directly connected to emotions. It is the manifestation of your values. What you spend is the manifestation of what is important to you. Normally, the person with whom we share our life should have common fundamental values. However, everyone has their own idea of which expenses are important. We must be able to keep an amount of money for what motivates us, to please our inner child, otherwise we cannot hold on. » How much is this amount for yourself? According to the expert, dividing expenses 50-50 does not take into account the disparities in net and gross income. The least penalizing approach is to take common expenses and divide them in proportion to net income. For blended families, as a general rule, each person pays the expenses of their own children. Everyone must name their expectations.
Team up for real and use a referee
In Quebec, 43% of couples are in a common-law union, which means that they do not have a financial alliance. “It doesn’t seem to have any consequences, unless we jump back in time,” observes Pierre-Éric Lebel, financial planner at the National Bank. In addition to separation, retirement is also an issue, especially when we pay expenses “50-50” without taking into account each person’s savings capacity and pension funds. “Couples in their fifties come to consult me and when one of the spouses has put a large part of their income into common expenses and has no retirement savings, we must tell them that without a marriage contract, without a cohabitation contract, only one of the two can retire. » To discuss such a difficult subject, Pierre-Éric Lebel recommends going to see the financial advisor of your institution who will provide advice. “When we move in together, we should already determine how much each person is saving for retirement. If one of them has a defined benefit pension fund and the other has nothing and puts no money into their RRSPs, quickly one will have a greater value than the other. » How to get a spouse to consult as a couple? Pierre-Éric Lebel suggests using a common project such as a down payment, a trip, a child or retirement.
Challenges to stay the course
Making a budget is often seen as restrictive and boring. However, if we plan a pleasant couple or family project, such as a trip, outings to restaurants or renovating the kitchen, we can change our perception of financial planning, assures Charles Rioux Rousseau, financial planner, development and quality advisor. practice at the Institute of Financial Planning. First of all, we choose a common goal and keep it in mind every day. What is more important to us? Who brings us more happiness compared to what it costs? If we forget the Excel file, fundamentally, budgeting and planning means making choices, explains Charles Rioux Rousseau. “We can’t have a boat, a chalet, a schedule full of activities for the children, because there are time constraints,” he cites as an example. You have to make choices about time and money. » Does the family want to spend their vacation at Disney? Does the family prefer to eat out two Saturdays a month? Each member will make daily spending choices with this project in mind. We limit some of them to motivate ourselves with the goal. “To go further, we set ourselves challenges,” he suggests. Who can make the best meal for $10? Who can manage to organize a free family outing? Who will manage to bring themselves lunches all week? »