How to make friends as an adult

This is a question that many ask themselves as adults. The social circle shrinks and can give a feeling of loneliness, which is common. How do you go about making new friendships? Simple tips and practical tips for people who are shy or eager to meet new people.

Setting our intentions

What do we want from a new friendship? A deep, intimate relationship or just a walking partner? Even if we have a good social circle, we can have the impression that one of our friendship needs is not being met, recalls Janick Coutu, psychologist and host of the podcast show Dose of psychology. We must also question ourselves about the time we are prepared to devote to this relationship.

What type of person do we want to get closer to? Usually, we know ourselves well and we can identify our values, our limits and the qualities we are looking for. This often means that “fewer people will meet our criteria”, indicates the D^D Coutu, but the choice will be more informed. On the other hand, you have to remain open to possibilities, says psychologist Sylvie Boucher. We can thus be surprised by unexpected connections.

Dare to tackle superficial subjects

“You really have to agree to do small talk at the start,” concedes the D^D Butcher. Even though we hate talking about rain and shine, it’s still a good way to approach people, she explains. This is the first step towards starting a relationship.

You can also ask questions and be interested in others, suggests the psychologist, and you avoid telling your whole life story. “It gets personal over time,” she says. Another way to connect with someone is to ask for or offer help.

“We should not underestimate relationships with people we know,” says Janick Coutu. All relationships are important in our happiness. » We can thus benefit from discussing lighter topics with work colleagues, for example.

Provoke opportunities

Signing up for a hobby that interests us is wise. We are more likely to meet people with whom we have common interests. Do you get along well with a colleague at work? Why not suggest going out for coffee or dinner alone? We also look at friends of our friends. “Normally, we should have common points and common values ​​with them,” explains Sylvie Boucher. We must also dare to speak openly about our desire to meet new people, even if it is vulnerable, advises Janick Coutu. “People are sometimes ashamed to say it, but if we dared a little more, it would give us opportunities to meet people. »

Tame the risk

“Provoking things brings an element of risk,” emphasizes Janick Coutu. The risk of being told no. » The person may consider that they have no room in their life for another friend, for example.

We need to work on our perception of refusal and take a step back, suggests the psychologist. We must also maintain confidence in our ability to form new relationships. How has it been done in the past? By thinking about it, you can find your own tips and tricks, advises Sylvie Boucher. “Sometimes it just doesn’t work,” she concedes. We don’t give up and we continue to socialize. »

Does anxiety, or even anxiety, arise at the idea of ​​taking this risk? We can go and consult. “We may have been deeply hurt in other friendships,” says Janick Coutu. We can seek help to work on this and not reproduce the same patterns. »

New friendships, necessary?

Is making new friends not a need for us or do we consider the process exhausting? “We often underestimate the positive effect that coming into contact with others can have,” recalls Janick Coutu. Since the pandemic, many people have become lazy about investing in a new relationship, she says.

“We need to have interactions, we need to have social relationships and we need to know that we have support,” explains Sylvie Boucher. So we don’t hesitate to get in touch with people, and, who knows, make a new friend.