Have a positive relationship
It is one of the greatest factors of happiness. Studies, including the major Harvard survey, conclude that people in relationships are generally happier than single people.
A positive relationship protects the brain and allows memory to decline less quickly, the Harvard study researchers found. Imagine: marital happiness at age 50 is a better indicator of a person’s health decades later than their cholesterol level at the same age1.
On the other hand, it is better to be alone than in bad company, because people in a relationship with an unhealthy, toxic or loveless relationship will be more unhappy than single people.
It takes a healthy couple relationship where you invest and take care of your partner and your couple.
Robert Vallerand, professor of psychology at UQAM and expert in positive psychology
Please note: a positive relationship does not mean agreeing on everything. Harvard researchers found that couples who “insisted” on everyday details could be very happy. The important thing is to feel your partner’s love and support in difficult times.2.
Have a good circle of friends
“Loneliness kills,” summarizes psychiatrist and Harvard Medical School professor Robert Waldinger, one of the co-authors of the Harvard study, in his TED talk2.
“Quality relationships allow us to live happier and healthier lives,” also writes Professor Waldinger, alongside his colleague Marc Schulz, in the book What really makes you happy?1.
“The happiest retirees are those who replace their work colleagues with friends for activities,” says Dr.r Waldinger in his TED talk.
Conversely, people who have few friends or negative friendships see their happiness and health affected.
Haven’t heard from a friend in a long time? Text him to ask how he’s doing and to make an appointment.
And why not give your loved ones some quality time as a gift?
PHOTO JOSIE DESMARAIS, LA PRESSE ARCHIVES
“Quality relationships allow us to live happier and healthier lives,” also writes Professor Robert Waldinger, alongside his colleague Marc Schulz, in the book What really makes you happy?.
Encouraging our teens to create social connections
Of course, teenagers’ academic performance is important. But their social ties too, if not more. According to a study carried out in New Zealand, “social connections during adolescence predict well-being [d’une personne] in adulthood much better than school results”, write Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz in their book3.
PHOTO FRANÇOIS ROY, LA PRESSE ARCHIVES
“Social connections in adolescence predict well-being [d’une personne] in adulthood much better than school results,” write Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz.
Play sports
No need to run the Boston Marathon. It could be walking, running, cross-country skiing, cycling, a team sport, anything. Doing sport is good for physical and psychological health – among other things because we secrete endorphins, which cause this feeling of satisfaction after sport.
PHOTO HUGO-SÉBASTIEN AUBERT, LA PRESSE ARCHIVES
“Doing sport is good for physical and psychological health – among other things because we secrete endorphins, which cause this feeling of satisfaction after sport,” says our columnist.
Develop harmonious passions
Cycling, cinema, volunteering: maintaining passions provides satisfaction, as long as these passions do not turn into obsession. “Harmonious passion will lead us to surpass ourselves, to feel good in our lives,” says Robert Vallerand, professor of psychology at UQAM. Besides, volunteering voluntarily generally makes you happier4.
Strengthen our “social form”
As with your physical health, you can do exercises to “strengthen your social fitness”, write Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz. You have to invest in your social relationships and take the time to develop them. In general, there are two types of social relationships: stimulating relationships and exhausting relationships. Nurturing relationships are exhilarating and make you feel better than loneliness. Draining relationships bring anxiety and make you more worried. You won’t be able to experience only stimulating relationships, but knowing that a particular relationship is exhausting allows you to better set your limits.1.
Being “WISER”
I have a prediction for you: even if you follow all the other advice to the letter, you will one day have to deal with emotionally difficult situations. To brave the storms of life, professors Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz suggest using the “WISER” technique with its five steps: observe, interpret, choose, engage in conversation, reflect- meditate. In short, it means thinking and taking a step back (it could be just a few seconds) before acting, and learning lessons afterwards when these situations recur. The WISER method will be particularly useful for managing your exhausting relationships1.
Do the three happiness exercise
At the end of your day, think of three happy moments you experienced today. You can even write them down in a notebook. The goal of this positive psychology exercise: think about the positive things in your day, instead of ruminating on difficult moments as we often tend to do. “It allows you to shift your attention from your worries to moments of happiness,” says the Dr Hugues Cormier, doctor specializing in preventive psychiatry and the promotion of well-being, and professor at the faculty of medicine at the University of Montreal.
PHOTO MARTIN TREMBLAY, LA PRESSE ARCHIVES
“At the end of your day, think of three happy moments you experienced today. You can even write them in a notebook,” suggests our columnist.
Take five minutes to relax
Another positive psychology exercise: take five minutes a day to relax, doing breathing and relaxation exercises. We can go for a walk after dinner. Sit on a bench and do breathing exercises. Read a few pages of a book on mindfulness. My reading suggestion: Relaxby the monk Thích Nhất Hạnh5.
Make love once a week
Sex makes you happy. Among other things, because the body secretes oxytocin (the love hormone) during orgasm. According to studies, beyond once a week, sex does not really influence the happiness of a person in a relationship (aged 35 to 65). In a Carnegie Mellon University study, researchers found that asking couples to double the frequency of their sex… slightly reduced their happiness (because it wasn’t from their desires, but from a request from the researchers ). Within a couple, the key would not be so much the frequency of sexual relations as creating an environment that fuels desire. And for single people, there would be no correlation between the frequency of sexual relations and happiness. Obviously, if you want to waltz under the duvet more than once a week, great good for you6, 7…
PHOTO EDOUARD PLANTE-FRÉCHETTE, LA PRESSE ARCHIVES
“Sex makes you happy. Among other things, because the body secretes oxytocin (the love hormone) during orgasm,” says our columnist.
And psychological health?
Anyone can experience depression, even if they follow all the advice to improve their happiness levels. All these good habits “can reduce the risks of various psychological health disorders such as depression [burn-out], but it never completely eliminates these risks. Everyone can experience psychological health problems, just like a person who plays sports can have heart problems,” says Dr.r Hugues Cormier, from the Faculty of Medicine of the University of Montreal. Around one in five people will experience depression during their lifetime.
What is a happy life?
Les Éditions de l’Homme
496 pages
1.Dr Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz, What is a happy life?, Les Éditions de l’Homme, 2023, 483 pages. In the context of this article, we refer, among other things, to the contents of the book on pages 23, 39-43, 50-51, 68-71, 78, 81, 157-158, 181, 231-244, 271, 356- 364.
3. Craig A. Olsson et al., “A 32-Year Longitudinal Study of Child and Adolescent Pathways to Well-Being in Adulthood,” Journal of Happiness Studies14(3), 2013
4. Faiza Tabassum, John Mohan and Peter Smith, “Association of volunteering with mental well-being: a lifecourse analysis of a national population-based longitudinal study in the UK”, BMJ Open, 2016
5. Thích Nhất Hạnh, Living mindfully – RelaxBelfond, 2017
6. George Loewenstein and others, “Does Increased Sexual Frequency Enhance Happiness? “, Journal of Economic Behavior & Organization2015