Having a child, solo

Geneviève Breton embarked on the project of having a child, alone, at 32 years old. At that moment, she wished she had access to all the information and thoughts she put together in her book Solo, choosing solo parenthood. Her daughter, Raphaëlle, was born on August 17, 2022, “the most beautiful day of all [sa] life,” she writes. Interview.

Why this book on solo parenting?

This is a book I wish I had read when I first started the process. I find it important to normalize all types of families, including single parenthood. [où l’enfant n’a qu’un seul parent déclaré sur son acte de naissance] because there are more and more of them. We need to talk about it, inform people and ensure that it is no longer a taboo. Recently, I was in a radio interview and there were people calling to say that it was a selfish choice, that a child needs two parents, a dad and a mom. This kind of talk is outdated. There are all kinds of families today, homosexual, blended, single-parent, that’s the reality. In my process, I consulted a psychologist who told me that studies show that children from single-parent families do not have developmental problems, that they have been wanted so much that they are doing very well.

What is the hardest thing about single parenting?

The sleep ! I have no respite. There is no one to offer me the weekend to be able to sleep and take care of my baby! It’s difficult. I would say that on a financial level, you have to make a budget, because there is only one salary and not two. There is also all the mental load, even if I have friends who are in relationships who tell me that they have all the mental load! It’s also important to be able to count on support, friends, family, I’m lucky to have help from my parents and my friends.

Is it important to mourn the loss of the nuclear family?

Yes, I sometimes see single mothers who haven’t done it. I see the disappointment or the feeling of failure in being a single mother, and that’s why you have to think carefully before taking the plunge. Solo parenthood is a choice, but you shouldn’t regret for the rest of your life not having had a child because you couldn’t find a partner. It takes courage, but also a deep desire to become a parent. There is nothing perfect in life, I have a daughter who I love more than anything. Life has surprises in store for us. I would have liked to have the perfect life, the spouse, the united family, the house, but I am very happy today with my daughter. I haven’t met the man of my life, maybe that will happen, but the priority is my daughter.

You talk in the book about your search for a donor through a sperm bank.

I wanted to have a donor who looked like me physically, so that my child could have traits similar to mine. The donor can be chosen based on hair color, eye color, weight, height, and level of education. The fact that he does not carry a genetic disease is also important. The donor I chose has a certain resemblance. I have photos of him when he was little, and as an adult, he is American, athletic, a nurse and comes from a healthy family. He is an open identity donor, which was an essential condition for me, because it means that he consents to his identity being revealed and that there will be the possibility of contacting him when my daughter is 18 years (through the fertility clinic).

Your daughter has half-brothers and half-sisters, because you know that the donor allowed other families to have children.

I am part of a group on WhatsApp of families who have the same donor as me. There are some elsewhere in Canada, in Ontario, in Vancouver, in the United States, in Australia, too. There are single mothers and couples, some children are older, others younger. Families have already met, a trip is planned to Australia, I will not participate, because it is too long a trip, but I would like to participate in a few years.

Will you raise the issue with your daughter, will you tell her about her donor?

Yes. I will explain everything to her when she is old enough to understand. I will tell him everything, I will be completely honest and transparent, and I already have children’s books on the subject.

What advice would you give to women?

It’s important to know yourself well. I knew being alone with a child would be difficult, but I wasn’t that afraid. I really had a great desire to do it. You have to be well surrounded, there are also groups of single mothers on Facebook who provide support. We help each other, it feels great not to feel alone and to be able to talk to mothers who are going through the same thing as us. Do we imagine having a life without children or not? This is the big question we need to know how to answer.

Solo, choosing solo parenthood

Geneviève Breton

Éditions Trécarré

199 pages