Has the pandemic changed the way we love?

Has the pandemic brought couples closer together? Rushed for new relationships? Changed our way of loving? Yes, yes and no. The effects of the pandemic on our romantic relationships have been the subject of several hypotheses in recent months. With hindsight, which ones turned out to be true?

Lea Carrier
Press

Profiting from the pandemic

At the start of the pandemic, “getting together” (as a couple, as a family) was probably placed at the top of the list of most used expressions, just under “reinventing oneself”. By dint of use, the expression seemed to have lost its meaning … However, many couples have indeed, in private, taken advantage of the pandemic. “We have seen a lot of couples, usually couples who have been together for a long time, take the opportunity to reconnect. During the first few months, many even told us that they felt guilty for being well at home, when so many people were in pain, ”observes Richard Slatcher, professor of psychology at the University of Georgia in the United States.

In spring 2020, with a team of researchers, he launched the project Love in the Time of COVID, an international study on our social ties in this troubled era. The study, which followed 600 people around the world, is still ongoing (“We thought we were done collecting data, but with the Delta variant, we don’t know when we’re going to stop”). She showed that at the first confinement, around 50% of people in a happy relationship felt more connected to their partner. This was the case for Alexia Leclair and her husband, Mathieu Francœur. Parents of three children, including a baby born during the pandemic, the couple say they would turn back the clock anytime. “The pandemic has strengthened our ties. We slowed down, we found ourselves alone and that allowed us to realize that we are good between us, ”confides the young mother.

Hard blow for unstable couples

Conversely, the pandemic has weakened relations which were already in trouble. Intolerance towards others has increased, conflicts have increased in intensity. “In the old days, there was a break from the violence when the couple left for work. There, there was no longer an outlet. We have seen it in cases of domestic violence and the wave of feminicides, ”says Sèdami Gwladys Tossa, marriage and family therapist. And it was also more difficult to come out of an unhealthy relationship, adds Richard Slatcher. “A lot of research done before the pandemic has shown that you stay with a partner longer when there aren’t many other options. During the pandemic, we didn’t have the usual options for dating, going to a bar, to a party… There was also financial insecurity, which made it more difficult to leave. ”

the speed dating social networks

At the start of the pandemic, Malika Alaoui was spending her time on Twitter. Out of boredom, out of loneliness. Between two tweets, she met a charming user. “We started to talk to each other a bit, then we finally became a couple. It was quite weird because we were both confined, so we had never seen each other in real life, ”says Malika Alaoui. It is a romance typical of the pandemic, notes Sèdami Gwladys Tossa. The first contacts are virtual and the relationship quickly unfolds. “Online, you can ask more daring questions and reveal yourself more easily. We are less embarrassed behind the screen. You feel a sense of connection. It speeds up the relationship, ”she says. That, and the sanitary restrictions. Because several couples have moved in together very (read too) early in their relationship, in order to limit contact.

The summer following their (virtual) meeting, Malika Alaoui and her lover embraced for the first time. Let’s say she quickly became disillusioned… “The more I saw him, the more he revealed his true personality and I felt that was not going to work. Outside of the pandemic context, it was a pretty toxic relationship, but I needed someone, a form of attention, ”says the communication student, who broke up before the start of the school year. Obviously, not all pandemic couples are emotional crutches, shade M^me Tossa. “Humans need other humans around them. It’s okay to be wrong, to have taken the shortest route. But once things calm down, you have to ask yourself the question: am I in the right place, with the right person? ”

And at the end of the day?

Even though the study Love in the Time of COVID continues, Richard Slatcher already notes that, overall, our way of loving has not been marked in a lasting way by the pandemic. “Humans are extremely resilient and their nature is very difficult to change,” he observes. There is no reason for me to believe in a profound change that is going to stay. ”

Consult the study Love in the Time of COVID