Happiness Lessons | The Press

How to lead a happier life? How do you focus on what really matters? And what exactly matters? The magazine The Atlantic has just asked the question, within the framework of a conference – excuse me, a “festival of happiness” – of two days in California, bringing together the most varied experts, scientists and artists. The Press was there, virtually. Here is what we learned, in seven lessons.

Silvia Galipeau
The Press

1. The secret of happiness

It’s to sociologist and author Arthur C. Brooks, happiness columnist at Tea Atlantic, undisputed star of this unique and engaging “festival”, which we owe the most daring (and ambitious!) subject, namely: the secret of happiness. Summarizing all the lessons of these two days of conferences, and also concluding the “festival”, the columnist, also a professor at the Harvard School of Management (“I teach happiness at Harvard, no but what a life! “), made this banal but no less fundamental statement:

Love? That’s all ? All the research says it, even if we tend to forget it: what makes you happy are the links, ladies and gentlemen. Well-supported people live longer and healthier. Questioned by Arthur C. Brooks, the Surgeon General (Chief Medical Officer) of the United States, Vivek Murthy, pointed it out: the biggest public health problem in the United States these days, this n It’s not the pandemic, not even violence or guns, but loneliness. “And since 2020, added Arthur C. Brooks, there has been an increase in loneliness, like never before. […] We have democratized our bad hygiene of happiness! Solution: love (even – supreme subversion and interesting suggestion in these times of polarization – your enemies!). Surround yourself with real friends and finally dare to “risk” falling in love. “That’s what I tell my Harvard students,” he insists. You have to stop thinking about going into business, and start a relationship! »

2, The happiness of helping others

“If you engage in relationships, you will increase your happiness curve, much more than if you invest in hardware [stuff] “, also hammered Dacher Keltner and Emiliana Simon-Thomas, two researchers from the Greater Good Science Center, a research center on well-being affiliated with the University of California at Berkeley. Conversely, social isolation and lack of connection significantly affect our well-being, negatively influencing our health, even more so than obesity and the consumption of alcohol or drugs. And it’s proven. However, who says links also says care, reported our two researchers. In doing so, an emotion, compassion, and this desire to help others, can also uplift our lives. Did you know ? This compassion would also have something innate, demonstrate their work, based in particular on oxytocin (hormone of bond and love, which in a way encourages us to take care of others). Morale: “Kindness is really something important! It’s not only good for your life expectancy, but for your families, your partners, your children, your friends, our experts have argued. No, helping others costs us nothing, on the contrary, it brings us quite a lot! »

3. Happy and old

The curve of happiness, as we know, has a trough somewhere in the fifties (associated with “family complications”, in particular the arrival of children in the blessed adolescence!). But how to ensure that this curve restarts for good? Without going down somewhere after 60, 70 years? In a nutshell: how to age happily? Sociologist and happiness expert Arthur C. Brooks, drawing inspiration from his book From Strength to Strength, launched last February, believes that we should no longer bet on our so-called fluid intelligence (because it is biological, it decreases over time), but rather on our “crystallized” intelligence, in short, our wisdom. After intelligence Musk, place the intelligence of the Dalai Lama, what. And he knows what he is talking about, having personally met him. “It is no longer a question of solving problems, summarizes the professor, but of being able to ask the question: is this problem worth solving? And what do you do with such intelligence? If you follow, you will no doubt have understood: we cultivate it, we share it, we teach it! In short, we give it to the next. “This teaching may be less sexy, less glorious, but it makes you happier! »

4. Music and Happiness

Happiness is other people (!), therefore, but not only. It’s also the music. In a more offbeat lecture, a doctor (Charles J. Limb, head of the department of otology and skull surgery at the University of California, San Francisco) and a music therapist (Christina Myers, of the Hospital for Penn State Health children) have indeed recalled that if we say that music is the universal language, it is among other things because it excels at transmitting emotions. Sometimes in a contradictory way: we love certain sad melodies, while certain happy rhythms make us bristle. Some music motivates us, others make us more nostalgic. Still others give us “overflowing joy.” Why ? Is it the rhythm, the melody, the phrasing, the lyrics? It is still necessary to know it, if we want not only to deepen our relationship with music, but as a bonus to use this musical connection wisely. Here’s a great life lesson: “Be mindful of your connection to music, and use it to cultivate your happiness. Listening to it is good, singing it is better. And composing it is probably better…

5. The importance of therapy

We say it more and more. But the taboo remains. Wrongly. And for our greatest misfortune. Let us repeat it again: when it comes to mental health, “people suffer unnecessarily for months, years! “, also lamented Lori Gottlieb, psychotherapist, author and columnist well known to readers of Tea Atlantic (with his mail from the heart and above all from the soul: Dear Therapist), in a conference that raised, one suspects, its share of questions (intimate and universal, she is used to it, and it shows). However, there is no need to stretch out the suffering: “If you hesitate to consult, it is probably because your internal therapist is telling you to go to therapy! “, she launched. It is said.

6. The happiness of knowing each other

This is the basis. Certainly, our happiness lies in these intimate and deep ties woven with others. But to do this, you still need to know yourself. Self. “It’s when you know yourself that you are best able to connect with others”, also pleaded Gretchen Rubin (The Happiness Project), who quit a career as a clerk to follow her heart (writing), obviously to her delight. Who am I ? Someone in the evening or in the morning? Career or not? Independent or rather gregarious? “We are all different, and we all see the world differently. However, we tend to feel hurt when people do not see and do not like us…” But how do you really know yourself? To get to the bottom of things (question values ​​and personalities), Gretchen Rubin offers you four questions here: what are you lying about (no, I don’t drink, yes, I exercise?), who envy you (a colleague, a friend?), what are you most grateful for (your job, your children?) and what did you do for fun when you were 10? To meditate.

7. Other exercises to go further

To go further, and in the most concrete, several exercises to cultivate this happiness were proposed by sociologist and columnist Arthur C. Brooks, throughout the conference: how to manage negative emotions, how to distinguish between intrinsic and extrinsic ambitions , how to make your job a mission. Good news, these exercises, and many more, are all taken from his aptly named podcast, How to Build a Happy Life (how to build a happy life, in English only). So it’s up to you!