Last week, I took a little break from Zeitgeist, so as not to be completely exhausted at Christmas between two moves and a lot of pruning. I forgot to warn you; I received a host of worried messages from readers, as if Tinker Bell had fallen silent. It warms the heart to know that you are appreciated when you are away. Especially since Tinker Bell produces pixie dust that allows others to fly.
But my union (the FFCQ: Fédération des fées Clochette du Québec) tells me to stay on the ground regularly, because I have no insurance if I burn my wings. I do active prevention (dust strike).
I must not be made strong. But I’m far from the only one. I took the opportunity to watch Bianca Gervais’ series, Broke! — it’s a rare adjective where the feminine prevails —, four episodes on this evil of the century that is gendered fatigue, a symptom of something much greater than November, the time change and the contrite expression by Bernard Drainville in a press briefing. A symptom that antidepressants, white wine in the evening, Botox and supplements cannot overcome.
The women — it was especially them — who brandished the pickets in front of hospitals and schools on Monday not only want more money, they want to breathe. Fed up with keeping the system at the end of its rope and keeping the family at arm’s length while being sexy on Saturday evening, otherwise Gontran will go elsewhere if I’m there. And I’m not there, don’t worry.
To prevent us from having to struggle on a daily basis, from generation to generation, a radical change in society is needed.
It is a major metamorphosis of the social norms imposed on women, especially mothers, that we should consider, as actress Bianca Gervais mentions, knowing well that this fight is beyond her. Barbie broke free from her high heels gangnot alone.
When I got pregnant, almost 21 years ago, my magazine boss Chatelaine, rather right-wing, common sense and no more feminist than the Pope, gave me excellent advice: “You can have everything, but not everything at the same time. » The realism of this statement would soon catch up with me.
Hard postpartum
First, speed. Everything is going faster and faster. We run half marathons literally and figuratively. It should come as no surprise that running has become the emblematic sport of a generation or two (I ruined both feet in one winter with it, still under repair for three years. Notice to those interested, the public system does not offer nothing for this kind of boo-boo). The race is individual, high-performance, exhilarating, even dope, with little equipment for maximum performance. If you run, you are symbolically in the race, no matter the distance.
Next, appearance. For women, you have to work without looking like a mother and be a mother without looking like you’re working. And stay sexyI repeat, an imperative of patriarchy, that is to say, “fantasmable”.
Then, FOMO (fear of missing out) amplified by social networks and YOLO (you only live once) typical of Westerners who are afraid of death. Let’s live to the fullest; the general slogan. We can see where this desperate mentality has led us on an environmental level.
I discovered with early single parenthood that feminism ended where motherhood began. Feminism without children is relatively easier. I became a feminist during my pregnancy, by throwing up my life. I got it all afterwards. It was the other mothers who saved me, a silent and very effective network of devoted and generous women. They took care of it for me. So that I don’t break down in shame, so that I don’t throw myself in front of a subway. No one ever talks about that. The system and the survival of the species are held together thanks to them. I understood about the famous “village” too. And don’t think that my case is exceptional.
20% of women make a post-parturition ; We don’t talk about that often either. It’s crowded at the placenta burial. I don’t dare imagine for the post, but I knew theantepartumthat was enough for mefi.
However, it is normal for women to sometimes criticize, if we know the data regarding the real inequalities in heterosexual couples, not to mention that they face the “resistance of dominants to changes”, another source of interpersonal conflicts.
And then I had to give up. Many things like a career in TV (I had one), “paid” outings, lunches, aperitifs, looks, fashion, golf (#irony), rich friends (it’s less financial pressure), my B’s birthdays at the labyrinth or in a ceramic painting workshop, etc.
I gave up the superfluous (and sometimes the essential) which ensures that we climb the ladder in a system that values money and the appearance of money. I chose the time, so as not to be “tired!” “. I chose not to shake up my kid and I escaped the fashion of the cursed Advent elves. And like many parents, I tearfully came to terms with the undeniable advantages of shared custody. Because there are… even if we become even poorer.
Let go so as not to let go
In Portrait of Quebecers from the Council on the Status of Women (2021), we suggest that 34% of the 35 to 49 year old group perceive life as stressful. And these women of childbearing age name family as their greatest source of exhaustion. According to the INSPQ (National Institute of Public Health of Quebec, 2019, pre-pandemic), 35% of workers suffer from high and very high psychological distress.
If a third of the workforce can no longer do it, the others are not necessarily stronger, some perhaps have the means to pay for help too. That said, the inequality of the load is real, no need to have read Emma’s latest comic, Lines and stonesfor the knowledge.
The cartoonist who coined the expression “mental load” (as a reminder: always having to think about everything) would have really done me good if I had been able to read her at the time. She offers real ideas regarding the domestic aspect, but notes that a radical change in patriarchal society is required. Women value prevention, men value curative.
On a social level, what is expected of women and what they impose on each other, the norms integrated since their first Barbie, it will take time to rethink everything, to degender and disturb.