Whether they are in a relationship or separated, fathers who perceive good support from the other parent feel less intense parental stress, report less difficulty in managing the challenges related to the parental role and impose less pressure on themselves in their role of parent, indicates a Quebec study whose results were revealed Thursday.
These conclusions arise from the analysis of data from the Quebec Parenthood Survey, carried out in 2022 by the Institute of Statistics of Quebec with more than 19,000 parents, including more than 9,000 fathers.
“We often focus on particular events, on moments of brilliance [de la part de pères]things that emerge and then are worrying,” explained Professor Tamarha Pierce, from the School of Psychology at Laval University, who analyzed the survey at the request of the Regroupement pour la valorization de fatherhood.
“But with an investigation like this, we can get the general picture. And these outbursts do not necessarily represent the reality of the entire population. »
Not surprisingly, 69% of fathers in a relationship say they always or often receive good advice from the other parent, a proportion which drops to 27% among separated fathers; 84% of fathers in a relationship say they agree with the mother of their children on how to intervene with the children, compared to 50% of separated fathers; and 66% of fathers in a relationship say that the other parent encourages and reassures them, compared to 26% of separated fathers.
However, equal proportions of fathers, i.e. 53% of fathers in a relationship and 55% of separated fathers, rarely or never felt criticized by their co-parent.
On certain aspects, such as transportation, help with homework, participation in information meetings, making appointments or daily routine, we even note a higher proportion of separated fathers who say they share these responsibilities in an equal manner. egalitarian.
“What the survey tells us is that things are going very well for the majority of fathers, whether they are in a relationship or separated,” summarized Ms. Pierce.
And if we often have the media image of the breakup as a disaster and a catastrophe, she continues, and even if it certainly is for certain families and that certain breakups are really problematic, “the survey tells us that “We must weigh things up and reassure ourselves that some people manage to cope well with their separation.”
However, there is a caveat to the results of the survey, since we do not know exactly how long after their separation the fathers answered the questions. The experience of a father separated for only two months may therefore be different from that of a father who has been separated for ten years.
The survey also shows that the ex-partner will not necessarily be the separated father’s main source of encouragement, advice and information. Only about a quarter of separated fathers say they can count on such support from their former partner.
What this tells us, Ms. Pierce clarified, “is that separated fathers still need to be supported in their role as parents somewhere, and it may not be in this relationship that ‘They’re finding it right now.’
“There is still a majority of fathers who feel that they are not criticized by the other parent, and that is encouraging,” said Ms. Pierce. It is a message of hope that shows us that there is a way to get there. »
All the more so, she recalls, that it is “crucial for children to have parents who collaborate, who support each other, and then who get along”, for example in the way of intervening with children. .
“It’s the basis for having children who are happier, knowing that they can count on their parents,” Ms. Pierce concluded.