The concept of ‘god children’ emerges as a new parenting style where children are seen as superior to their parents, leading to a dynamic shift in authority. Belgian psychologist Diane Drory highlights the dangers of overly permissive parenting, which can result in children struggling with boundaries and authority. This can foster narcissism and unrealistic expectations in adulthood. Balancing love with discipline is crucial for healthy development, emphasizing that imperfection in parenting is a natural part of nurturing growth.
The Rise of ‘God Children’: Understanding the New Parenting Paradigm
In the evolving landscape of parenting styles, we have transitioned from the ‘king children’, who hold a slightly rebellious position beneath their parents, to the ‘tyrant children’, who engage in constant negotiation from the tender age of two. Now, we are witnessing the emergence of ‘god children’. This concept, introduced by Belgian psychologist and psychoanalyst Diane Drory, describes a scenario where children are perceived as superior to their parents, effectively placing the latter in a submissive role.
The Pitfalls of Overly Permissive Parenting
In a recent interview with La Libre Belgique, Drory sheds light on the drawbacks of parenting that is solely based on benevolence, where parents believe they can never say ‘no’ to their children. She emphasizes that this approach often leads parents to feel they must convince their children that their requests align with the child’s desires. While this strategy may work in certain situations, the majority of children thrive when given clear limits and structured discipline. Drory asserts that it is entirely normal for children to push against boundaries, but when benevolent parenting is not executed properly, it can cause more harm than good. Children need limits to feel secure, and without them, parents may feel overwhelmed, leading to a shift from the ‘king child’ dynamic to the ‘god child’ phenomenon.
The consequences of this new parenting style can be troubling. Drory notes that while some ‘god children’ manage to adapt to discipline and rules within the school environment, others become unmanageable both at home and in educational settings. Teachers often find themselves struggling with students who resist authority and refuse to comply, leaving them feeling frustrated and helpless. The potential danger for these children is significant; they may evolve into ultra-narcissistic individuals or display violent tendencies, as they come to view the world solely through the lens of their familial experiences.
Drory warns that a child’s perception of reality can become warped, leading them to believe that the world revolves around their family’s dynamics. Consequently, it is essential for children to encounter boundaries and learn to cope with frustration—a fundamental aspect of life. As Drory explains, many young adults entering the workforce may grapple with punctuality and adherence to schedules, often exhibiting unrealistic expectations regarding work conditions. This misalignment with reality highlights the need for parents to strike a balance, recognizing that love must be complemented by educational boundaries. Too much leniency, disguised as kindness, can be detrimental to a child’s development and may even result in parental burnout.
Patrick Ben Soussan, the author of ‘How to Survive Your Children – What Positive Parenting Has Not Told You’, reinforces the importance of embracing imperfection in parenting. He asserts that it is completely natural for parents to feel exasperated by their children’s behavior. Parenting should not be about achieving perfection; rather, it is about striving to be human and fallible, providing a nurturing yet realistic environment for children to grow and learn.