We only talk about her. For the first time in 92 years, she will perform in the skies of Montreal. How does she feel on the eve of the big day? Or should I rather say: how does she feel on the eve of the big night in broad daylight? The total eclipse agreed to meet me as a world exclusive.
Not having to look at her, because that would be dangerous for my eyes, I do the interview, back to back, in the style of Louise Deschâtelets, from the time of the show The confidant. Those who saw the total eclipse 92 years ago will understand the comparison.
STÉPHANE LAPORTE (SL): Hello! Or should I say good night?
THE TOTAL ECLIPSE: Hello night, it will do.
SL: So, good morning! First, how are you?
THE TOTAL ECLIPSE: Not bad on the big nerve! Tomorrow is the biggest show on the ground. It’s Cirque du Soleil with Cirque de la Lune at the same time! I mustn’t miss my shot!
SL: What makes you so nervous?
THE TOTAL ECLIPSE: Well, firstly, the weather. When I saw the snowstorm last Wednesday, I said to myself: What’s the deal? What the hell is happening, 25 centimeters of snow on April 4!? What is the snowstorm trying to do? Wants to steal the show by blocking the sky!? But that doesn’t surprise me, all natural phenomena are jealous of me.
SL: Why?
THE TOTAL ECLIPSE: It’s easy to understand. A snowstorm, we talk about it, what, for two days? A flood, we talk about it for a week. An earthquake, we talk about it for a month. We talk about a rainbow for an hour. People have been talking about me for decades. Let someone announce me, let me be expected. In Montreal, the only thing we’ve been waiting for as long as I have is the Stanley Cup! It’s better not to get a little damn ice or a downpour. I want clear skies. It’s not too much to ask. Once every almost a hundred years.
SL: How should you dress to see a total eclipse?
THE TOTAL ECLIPSE: Well, if we’re lucky, tomorrow in Montreal, we predict sunshine and 15°C, so dress for spring. It’s certain that the more it gets darker, the more it cools down, you’ll need a cotton hoodie or a little wool nearby. And when it gets dark as night, well, you can put on your pajamas.
SL: What will your show consist of?
THE TOTAL ECLIPSE: It’s going to be very visual. Like Robert Lepage. It’s going to start at 2:14 p.m. Exactly. I won’t wait for the latecomers. If you’re stuck in traffic, open your sunroof. The Moon will gradually cover the Sun. It is very important to put on your protective glasses during this entire part of the show, because I am not responsible for all the damage to the eyes caused by the Sun staring too long. Anyway, you can sue me, I’ll come back in 181 years.
SL: Then what happens?
THE TOTAL ECLIPSE: At 2:43 p.m., the Moon will have covered the Sun by 70%, and this is where Ginette Reno’s song will come true: we will have crescent Suns! It won’t be for lunch, but for a little afternoon snack.
SL: Speaking of songs, what do you offer as a soundtrack to your visual?
THE TOTAL ECLIPSE: Well, I actually made a playlist, on Apple Music and Spotify. It starts with The sun meets the moon by Charles Trenet. Followed byEclipse by Pink Floyd, Ain’t No Sunshine by Bill Withers, Where is the sun ? by Paul McCartney, I Don’t Care if the Sun Don’t Shine by Elvis Presley, Waiting for the sun by Vincent Vallières, Invisible Sun from The Police, Exactly under the sun by Serge Gainsbourg, Here Comes the Sun the Beatles and The sun is dead by Nicoletta.
SL: Great choice! The highlight of the show, what time will it be?
THE TOTAL ECLIPSE: At 3:27 p.m., when it will be completely dark. At this time you can remove your protective glasses. You will notice that you can see nothing, it is dark.
SL: Will strange phenomena happen during complete darkness?
THE TOTAL ECLIPSE: The animals will behave at night. Humans, too, for that matter. Like if you have insomnia, at night, well, you’ll be awake. If you’re the type to sleep through the night, you might fall asleep a little, but not for long. You have between one and three and a half minutes to doze off. If you need to read a little, before sleeping, no need to bring a big book. You won’t have time to War and peacea book that is not very thick is better.
SL: Are you a comedian?
THE TOTAL ECLIPSE: Just because there’s an eclipse doesn’t mean it’s not lit.
SL: What are you going to do tomorrow, at the end of the afternoon, when it’s all over?
TOTAL ECLIPSE: I’m going to slip away.
SL: In closing, Total Eclipse, what is the date of your extra in Montreal?
THE TOTAL ECLIPSE: July 17, 2205. I hope that the Olympic Stadium will have an opening roof in 2205, so people can watch it from there. Especially since it will correspond to the precise date of 229e anniversary of the opening of the 1976 Olympic Games.
SL: It’s a date!