Eating disorders | What parents can do

When your child suffers from an eating disorder, it’s like a weed invades the space and takes over the family. But the child is still there, behind, and he needs his parents to recover. How should they react? With the emotions of a Saint Bernard and the behavior of a dolphin.

These analogies may seem childish, but they effectively describe the impact of the eating disorder and the posture to adopt, as a parent, to support your child, regardless of the child’s age. In their book The body taken hostage, psychotherapist Marie-Michèle Ricard and psychologist Annie Aimé offer concrete solutions to parents, often helpless when faced with the influence of the disorder (anorexia, bulimia, hyperphagia, etc.).

Marie-Michèle Ricard and Annie Aimé co-founded the private clinic Imavi in ​​Outaouais in 2013, specializing in body image, weight and eating disorders problems. Over the years, they have supported many parents, who often arrive worried, frightened, with the impression that they are missing something. Many also deal with a feeling of guilt.

“This old idea that the family is the sole cause of trouble is one of the most damaging myths,” laments Marie-Michèle Ricard. Instead, parents, the authors say, are part of the solution.

The Saint Bernard Dolphin

In their book, Marie-Michèle Ricard and Annie Aimé use animal metaphors proposed by British researchers in 2017 to describe the different responses of parents to their child’s eating disorder.

On the emotional level, there is the “jellyfish” parent, who reacts strongly, who feels guilty, helpless, exhausted. There is the “ostrich” parent, who runs away from the situation and hopes that the trouble will go away on its own. And the “Saint Bernard” parent, who supervises his child with calm, warmth, love, respect and constancy.

On the behavioral side, we find the “kangaroo” parent, who tends to overprotect his child and who accommodates the disorder; the rational “rhinoceros” parent, who asserts his ideas to quickly resolve the problem; the “terrier dog” parent, who circles around his child to tell him what to do and not to do; and the “dolphin” parent, who swims with his child to guide him, without harassing him, aware of the control that the disorder exerts on him.

When you are exhausted and terribly worried, isn’t it difficult to adopt the oh-so-mature posture of the Saint Bernard dolphin? The idea is not to be perfect, insists the duo, but to observe ourselves, to recognize when we have slipped away, and to tend, gently, towards these models.

Strategy and support

In addition to giving concrete strategies for managing meal times (and many other situations), the authors devote an entire chapter to emotional support. How to pay attention to what the child feels, above all validate it, respond to the needs associated with emotions… They even offer specific sentences. “I understand that you are afraid of eating pasta, because it’s been a long time since you ate it. »

“There are disorders, notably hyperphagia, for which emotions constitute a very important cause,” underlines Annie Aimé. This is not the only explanation, but it is a way of managing your emotions, of regulating yourself. »

Binge eating disorder consists of recurrent eating compulsions, accompanied by a loss of control, without compensatory behavior. It can be difficult for a parent to distinguish between the overconsumption of a growing teenager and the eating compulsions, associated with a form of disconnection and emotional numbing. If virtually all of one’s emotions on virtually all occasions are channeled through food, write the authors, it is necessary to initiate a dialogue.

And we’re not talking here about commenting on your child’s weight, but rather about questioning their behavior. “For me, repeated overeating behavior is harmful,” says Annie Aimé.

“The central point is to be present for your child,” believes Annie Aimé. Sometimes we’re going to make mistakes, and that’s okay. But if we’re there, we love him and he feels it, we’ve already won so many points. »

The body taken hostage

Marie-Michèle Ricard and Annie Aimé

Éditions Trécarré

232 pages