In Barbara and Jonathan’s class, a dozen parents discuss the techniques they can use to encourage their children in their academic success. They talk about their personal experiences, share the tips they have developed, their involvement and the challenges they experience.
Then, in a role play, they read to “their child”, played by other parents, experimenting with different methods to make the exercise more interesting and strengthen bonds. The parents, who played the role of the child, then tell the group how they felt valued, proud, loved, during this exercise. “Imagine the impact on a child. And that child, well, it’s yours,” summarizes co-host Jonathan Dunn, arousing a lot of emotion in the room. “You’re going to make me cry,” says a mother. “I’m going to try to do it more often, I realize that these are beautiful moments,” assures another.
These parents, who are taking the These Incredible Years course offered by the CIUSSS Centre-Sud-de-l’Île-de-Montréal, all have one thing in common: the Director of Youth Protection (DYP) is involved in their lives . Some have custody of their children, or some of them. Others only have visiting rights, which take place here, in this same large, calming and bright room with walls decorated with stars and hot air balloons.
Some were referred by their caseworker or on a recommendation from a judge to improve their parenting skills. But they are all here on a voluntary basis. Even if accepting, as a parent, that we have things to improve, is not always easy.
“A mother’s ego”
“At first I was a bit like… You know, ego. A mother’s ego. I said to myself: “I don’t need these workshops, frankly! How will this help me?” “, says Mégane, a 35-year-old mother who has just completed the entire program and who testifies under an assumed name due to the Youth Protection Act, which prohibits the identification of children or parents. followed by the DPJ.
“But as the workshops progressed, I realized that it was good for me,” continues Mégane. Exchanges with other mothers often lead us to new educational perspectives, new ways of intervening which are more positive than what I was taught in my youth. Then, when I put this into practice with my children, I saw that yes, it had a positive impact. »
Zoé, 42, flatly refused to participate in the workshops the first time we suggested it to her. “I didn’t feel it,” she summarizes, also returning to the question of ego and various logistical constraints. But above all, she confides, she needed time to digest the fact that the DPJ was now part of her life. “When the DPJ comes home for the first time, you feel like you’ve been punched in the face,” she says. “Your world is collapsing,” adds Mégane.
“At the beginning, I saw them as a big black beast,” continues Zoé. Until I saw that the decisions that were made were as much for the good of the children as for my own good. Today, I am stronger, and I have my daughter back home. »
“We had confidence in ourselves, it strengthened our self-esteem,” adds Sarah, a newcomer who was a victim of domestic violence at the hands of her ex-spouse who sponsored her to the country a few years ago.
For her, the workshops were also a way to be in contact with other parents. “I wanted to break the isolation because I was not integrated into society. Before, I was traveling, going out, working, but when I arrived [au Canada]it’s as if I had become another person,” she says with emotion before exchanging her contact details with other parents to keep in touch after classes.
“I’m sad it’s ending, we’re learning so much! she continues. Not necessarily by the facilitators, but discussions with parents. Each time, parents give us ideas on how to behave in different situations. »
Stepping out of your expert role
This is exactly the goal of Barbara, a specialized educator at the DPJ who has been running These Incredible Years (CAI) for around ten years. “As a worker, we tend to tell them what to do, but the CAI approach is exactly the opposite,” she explains. It’s a collaborative approach. It is assumed that parents are the experts on their children. We must try as much as possible to step out of our role as experts and give them a voice again. They have them, the answers, they are good! »
With this positive approach, she gives them confidence in their own abilities and she sees the changes over the weeks. “It’s my candy of the week,” she said with a big smile. I feel them engaged, interested. I hear them talk about their child with love, with interest. They want the best for their child. And then, we had to fun ! »
The These Incredible Years program, which comes from Seattle in the United States, has been offered by the CIUSSS Centre-Sud-de-l’Île-de-Montréal for more than 20 years. In total, between 1500 and 2000 parents benefited. “Many parents have gained confidence in their parenting abilities, they feel more confident in supervising their children. Several parents also saw their relationship improve more positively with their children. And moreover, several parents also report that the child’s behavior has improved following time in the These Incredible Years workshop,” explains Marie Daley, head of department at the rehabilitation team in the community of CIUSSS South-Central Montreal Island.
His college, Philippe Lavoie, coordinator for programming These incredible years, comes out with statistics that speak for themselves. “The majority of parents who complete the program over fifteen weeks see their youth protection file closed within the following year. »