Posted at 12:00 p.m.
When everything changed, in March 2020, the president and founder of Speed Dating Montreal, Philippe Parent, was forced to completely rethink the concept of his company which, one suspects, was becoming clearly incompatible with the instructions inviting physical distancing.
“Overnight, reconciliations became illegal. No choice: we adapted! “, Reports this specialist in interpersonal chemistry, who specifies that many single people of his acquaintance have had the feeling of” paying the big price “. “Many felt helpless, alone and confined… They then turned to dating apps. »
Maya (fictitious first name), a Montreal professional in her late forties, is part of this cohort. For a year, she has been exploring what Facebook Dating can offer her, even if her relationship with this type of interaction leaves her at best perplexed, at worst disappointed.
“I don’t know if it’s due to the pandemic or to my age, but half the time when I play a match, the men don’t respond. Anyway, it’s so rare that I have the taste to drag myself on this kind of platform and write letters…”, says the one who admits that her efforts on the dating site have never gone more far than a meeting by teleconference. The pandemic, a harsh winter and the long hours of teleworking… All this leads Maya to cultivate a comfortable and assumed solitude.
It seemed easy to me, in the past, to meet. Whereas these days, even though there are a multitude of technological options, it seems more complicated to me. Maybe it’s just not my priority anymore.
Maya, Montreal professional in her late 40s
Laurence Desjardins, sexologist, has observed this same fatigue of online dating among her clients. She reports that the excitement that accompanied the emergence of dating apps seven or eight years ago has faded in favor of a certain weariness with the screen.
“People realize the emotional charge, the game involved in such interactions. Behind the screen there is a person, a heart, feelings, and it becomes more and more real. When you play with someone’s feelings and in return that person plays with your feelings, there is a heaviness that sets in. »
PHOTO FRANÇOIS ROY, THE PRESS
Laurence Desjardins, sexologist
Moreover, it is difficult to accumulate rejections, it hits the ego, self-esteem. We are quickly replaced on such apps.
Laurence Desjardins, sexologist
When apps fall flat
the speed datingtwo years ago, also passed on Zoom. A migration that has generated its share of challenges, but also a handful of advantages, concedes Philippe Parent. “Clients aged 40 and over are very comfortable with meetings in Zoom : this can be done without too much effort or the need to leave the house. And above all, without danger of contamination. »
On the other hand, says the president of Speed Dating Montreal, the youngest (25-35 year olds) prefer meetings in person.
PHOTO PHILIPPE BOIVIN, SPECIAL COLLABORATION
Philippe Parent, President of Speed Dating Montreal
When the pandemic is behind us, I’ll probably go hybrid, with an online version and the return of in-person dating.
Philippe Parent, President of Speed Dating Montreal
If we can believe in a new craze for meetings that take place at friends’ dinners, picnics in the park, blind dates organised, we must not dream of a sudden return to flirting in the flesh, as in the good old days of Cruising Bar with Michel Côté, warns Philippe Parent. But here and there, however, we see some timid invitations to reconnect with other single people through concepts such as meetup.
Two years of the pandemic later, sexologist Laurence Desjardins notices a strong desire among her clients to resume a normal life. “Singles are tired of being alone and for two years, this loneliness has been felt in an obvious way”, expresses the one who notes that these times of isolation have also generated a certain social discomfort.
We have lost a certain humanity in this era where we no longer know how to pick up the phone to talk to each other.
Laurence Desjardins, sexologist
Encourage spontaneity
According to Joan Payment, president and founder of Intermezzo, a dating agency for professionals, the pandemic has not put sentimental aspirations to sleep. Quite the contrary. “We have never been so busy. Taken from home, working from home, people want to meet more than ever. We felt it. And it continues, ”says this professional matchmaker, who observes a great lack of interest in dating apps among her customers.
“From our experience, we know that there is a big difference between online meetings and face-to-face meetings. The chances of meeting online are very low. With the apps, people text each other, tell each other about their lives, without ever having seen each other. This does not promote the development of a relationship. »
Do people turn to agencies like Intermezzo after being burned by dating apps and sites? “That’s almost just what we get. »
PHOTO FRANÇOIS ROY, LA PRESSE ARCHIVES
Joan Payment, president and founder of Intermezzo
We have a lot of disillusioned people, a lot of women who have come across married men, who have lied about their age, their height, their weight. More and more young people, too, want seriousness: they are tired of Tinder and Bumble.
Joan Payment, president and founder of the Intermezzo agency
In a context where the vast majority is socially rusty, Laurence Desjardins advocates spontaneity, lightness and authenticity. “I often tell my clients that it’s all very well, apps, but that you also have to talk to each other in real life, approach people, not be afraid of seeming too interested. Do you find someone pretty? Go say hello to him! We must leave behind this game, this distance. Don’t be afraid to look too human. Because we are humans! »