” Comma ?
– Woof.
– We’ll be able to go out after 10 p.m. if you ever need to relieve yourself. ”
Comma, my dog, a blond Labrador, stood up, then he shook himself out of his torpor.
“I told you, Human. I told you they would adapt.
– Yes. You told me. ”
Comma yawned.
“Wait, I’ll read it to you …”
I put my vodka-antidepressant smoothie on the coffee table in the living room, I found my cell phone and I typed a few words into Google while getting comfortable on the sofa. Comma came to lie on my knee.
“Hey, it’s ministerial order number 2022-001, signed by the Minister of Health, Mr. Dubé. There is a lot of bureaucratic-legal klingon which recalls the previous decrees, before arriving at the modification which will interest you, Comma. Are you ready ?
– I’m ready, replied my Labrador.
– Don’t try, Virgule!
– Don’t try what?
– I noticed that you took the voice of Jean Charest by saying “I’m ready”. ”
Comma let out a chuckle as he drooled over my pajamas. I thought: squeal that it stinks, but damn that I love it.
“… So:‟ THAT the eleventh paragraph of the operative part of decree number 885-2021 of June 23, 2021, modified by decree numbers 2021‐049 ”, and there, there is a list of 28 decrees, Comma, which brings us to the addition of a sub-paragraph at the end of paragraph 3.1 of the decree of December 31, which reads …
– That, the decree of December 31, is the one that did not allow you to take me out between 10 p.m. and 5 a.m.?
– Yes.
– OK, replied my dog, continue …
– ‟… For the needs of his dog, within a maximum radius of one kilometer around his residence or whatever takes its place” … ”
Comma raised his head, he looked at me, taken aback, he looked the same as the time I arrived with a Bart Simpson mask, after a Halloween party, it had quite confused him. While he searched for his words, I turned on the television, found the fireplace station. It started to crackle in the living room.
Then my labrador said:
“It seems to me that this is really going very deep into the details, for a ministerial decree. Couldn’t they just give the cops the discretion to determine if someone is really out for their dog’s legitimate needs?
– You’re right, my Ron! ”
Comma laughed, as he always laughs when I pretend to think I am a Canadian fan who calls Ron Fournier. An angel has passed, we have stared into the void, both a little stunned by the strange times that beset us at the beginning of the year of grace 2022, as we approach the third year of the pandemic.
“We miss him, eh?”
– Put it on, my dog. Looks to me like we might need Ron on air these days. I miss the lightness of our old debates. There hasn’t even been any controversy over the Bye, this year, imagine… ”
We watched the fire crackle in the Sony for a few moments.
“It’s still weird …
– What, Comma?
– This dog debate.
– Why ?
– Well, listen, far from me the idea that we dogs are not important. But the curfew imposes unsuspected dangers on a lot of people, worse it seems to me that there was no debate that much … ”
I thought: this dog is smart. Too bad it stinks so much.
“True, Comma.
– There are plenty of unexpected impacts. On abused women. The homeless, who were suddenly able to find a restaurant where to go and sip a coffee all night… Worse make a need. Drug addicts who are going to consume alone, and who will overdose, because they are alone. There hasn’t been so much debate on it, seems to me.
– You’re right, Comma.
– You, did you talk about it?
– Chu not really better than the others, Virgule. ”
The fire crackled in the television. I flattered the dog’s head, at the birth of the ears, where it is very soft. To lighten the mood, I launched, in a tone perhaps a little too playful:
“Well, at the same time, you’ve gotten old enough that you don’t really want to go out after 10 p.m. anymore!”
– ‘Want’ to go out, Human, you’re strong!
– Ah, ah, you noticed!
– Yes. Worse it’s true: I sleep at 9 pm… Chu old man, Human.
– Good, except when you feel like eating a flowing half-camembert, with a shot when your back is turned! ”
We laughed again, at the memory of this camembert devoured without the knowledge of the guests, on the birthday of a great-aunt. It had taken several trips outside for Virgule to be able to evacuate this cheese, for several days, sometimes in the middle of the night. Comma was young and dashing.
Silence and crackling, again.
“You look melancholy, Human.
– I am, Comma.
– I feel that it weighs on you, all that.
– A little. No, more than a little. Chicanery. The rising cases. Exhausted caregivers.
– These are strange times, must be said, reacted Virgule, a philosopher in his spare time.
We looked at each other. There, it was my turn to be taken aback.
” Comma…
– Yes, Human?
– You didn’t die in 2008, you?
-… ”
My phone then cracked open with a shrill cry: an Amber-type alert from Public Safety, but to tell me… curfew was approaching.
I rubbed my eyes. Comma was nowhere in sight. I told myself that it was high time I cut back on the vodka-antidepressant smoothies. Maybe dilute it with cranberry juice? It’s good for the prostate, according to a guy who wears a lab coat and whose YouTube videos are very popular. At my age, you have to start thinking about these things …
As I put on my nightcap, I told myself that it is high time for this pandemic to end. We’re all going to be crazy soon.