From the age of 12, I sensed that my older sisters, more experienced, could pave the way, serve as a beacon on the long stormy river of existence. And still today, I look for their diffused light, knowing that the interior life compensates for a lot of losses and mourning, that the “parties” no longer interest me, that the fires of Saint John are not always fires of joy, that the dramas fade with the wrinkles, that no one will save me. Thank you Loulou “love crunches” for this one.
My mentors are always important and I sometimes find them in books, documentaries or podcasts. That of the actress Julia Louis-Dreyfus – Elaine in the iconic series Seinfeld — instantly hooked me.
It’s called Wiser Than Me — “Wiser than me” — and these encounters between Julia (62) and women such as actress Jane Fonda (85), writer Isabel Allende (80) or food columnist Ruth Reichl (75) fill me of joy. Julia enters into conversation with her guests and the word ” fucking regularly surfaces between laughter, tears and confidences.
Rarely have I felt so moved by a podcast, feeling like I was listening to a feminist version of The other noon at the next table. I laugh in the middle of the street, my headphones in my ears. Julia also speaks to us or calls her mother to tell her about her discussions. It’s complicit, without make-up, frank, free and warm. Sisterhood is a balm for all of us and the lessons are to be taken, left or adapted, like the recipes. And I persist: people become more interesting after 80 years. Sometimes later… once the ego is gone.
In the end, these women do not shower us with their spiritual vanity (there are gurus on Instagram for that), they tell their story and share with us what life has taught them, in all simplicity, entrust us with their freedom numerous without making them universal truths. “A program where I receive lessons from wiser women than me”, sums up Julia. And we enjoy it with her.
Nobody tells the oceans or the trees or the mountains that they are too old. They are said to have power, how grounded they are, how awesome they are. Imagine if we thought the same of ourselves when we got older.
The third act
Admiring Jane Fonda does not require any particular effort and finding her in this podcast allows us to probe the crucible that comes with the third act of her life, the one that begins at 60 years old. “We know the importance of the last act in theatre. It is the last act, from 60 to 90, which gives meaning to the first two. It’s the legacy you leave behind, ”says the one who today regrets having succumbed to the fashion for cosmetic surgery.
At 59, the actress and activist took stock of her life, revisiting her career as a biographer. “I spent a year doing this research. Psychologists recommend it to depressed people. I discovered that I had been brave. “Actress Katharine Hepburn, who died at 96, told him during the filming ofOn Golden Pond “Face your fears, never go soft. »
Fonda affirms that she finds at 85 the young girl she was, the one she wanted to be and not the one that others wanted her to be. Death does not frighten him; she anticipates it like a new adventure, without rushing anything. Married three times, she has ended romantic relationships and finds that everything we are depends on how we were “parented” or not… Which gives Julia the opportunity to talk about the therapy she started a business at age 60 with her mother.
It hurts to be alive and obsolete
“Life shapes us,” says Chilean writer Isabel Allende in another episode. “I’m not the same at 80 as I was at 35. You change several times in your life. The great liberation of Allende, who started writing novels at 40 – 28 books since – is to no longer need to please, except those she loves. She went through all the tests, marriage, motherhood, work. Today, even remarried three years ago, “the only test I have left is that of old age, of dependency”. This woman who lost her 29-year-old daughter in 1992 finds that most things “cannot be explained or controlled”. She does not believe in God, but in immanent justice, yes. “I’m careful not to hurt people,” wisely adds the author of The house of spirits. Allende is also interested in signs, synchronicities, “the mysterious dimension of the universe”, and admits to making love by swallowing blueberries with chocolate…with marijuana.
love, give, love
Old age is preparing, warn Jane Fonda and Isabel Allende. “A beautiful old age will not happen by chance,” stresses Allende. Why would the “bastards” have a beautiful old age? Why would you be loved if you didn’t love? Why would anyone take care of you if you’ve never taken care of anyone? If you’ve never given, never been generous, it won’t happen. »
– Generosity, giving, these are the avenues, huh? replies Julia.
– Yes. And it makes you so happy. It comes back to you multiplied by 1000, adds Isabel.
Generous as one might wish, my friend Mimi (84) is always there to lend a hand. Perverted and offbeat great-grandmother in “Les Labrèshian” (I am coming to you, Noovo), in the company of her Labrèche clan, she endorses Allende’s words: “I have never felt so free. And despite all the sores of age, I find that we gain more from aging than we lose. I’m still learning. ” Married at 19, mother at 20, Michelle realizes that she wanted to please: “At 60, I understood that you had to be ready to lose everything. »
Take risks, again and again, and resolve to impermanence. It’s the price to pay to stay alive even if we sometimes take our whims for flashes.
For my part, I note that we inspire the generations that follow more by example than by words.
I read somewhere that there is nothing more revolutionary than a woman who does not try to explain herself. And that stands the test of time (and even Andrew Tate).