On the morning of December 24, while outside the snow was falling in large flakes, covering the streets of the village with a heavy white coat (writing a Christmas story without resorting to clichés is like triggering a unlimited strike without having strike funds, it doesn’t hold up for two seconds, no one would believe it), a dad asks his young children to come join him in the living room.
“Children, I have very bad news for you… Father Legault will not come this year!
– But why?
– Because his elves are on strike!
– What’s the strike, Dad?
– It’s when people stop working in order to get better conditions! This is why Father Legault won’t come tomorrow: the elves have decided to stop making toys!
– But why? ask the children, their eyes watering…
– Because they are tired of running all over the place!”
LOSE THE NORTH (POLE)
“Hey, the other day, Father Legault asked his elves to make a beautiful third link for the people of Quebec. This is what they asked him when he went to see them at the Galeries de la Capitale: “Father Legault, give us a third link, we want a third link, we need a third link!”
So for months, the elves worked from morning to evening and from evening to morning to make the most beautiful and biggest third link in the world… And what did Father Legault tell them? To stop the project!
– For what?
– Because making this toy was too expensive! And wait: a few months later, when the elves had destroyed all the plans for the famous third link in order to work instead on a more modest tramway project, he changed his mind again and asked them to return to the workshop and start the project from scratch!
– Oh dear, Father Legault is involved, isn’t he?
– Very. And wait, that’s not all: the other day he asked his elves to reserve the biggest toy in their bag for Swedish billionaires! “But why would we give our best gift to people who are capable of buying a thousand? the elves asked him. Aren’t we supposed to give gifts to those who need them?”
– And what did Father Legault answer them?
– That they weren’t in charge, and while we were at it, he also wanted them to give a big gift to a billionaire from Los Angeles!
– Oh!!!!”
HE WAS BORN THE DIVINE CHILD
“As you know, Father Legault has a network of informants who tell him who was nice during the year and who was naughty.
– Yes, and it’s supposed to reward the good guys, say the children in chorus.
– Exactly! Except that this year, he gave nice gifts to companies that had not respected the French language law!
– Hon!
– Big gifts to companies that hid millions in tax havens so as not to pay their fair share of taxes!
– Re-hon!
– And nice big gifts to shaky and poorly managed companies that made him lose a lot, a lot of money, like Celsius Network!
– Re-re-hon!
– In short, it was not a very good year for Father Legault!
– But Dad, he still gave checks to Quebecers last year to help them feel less the effects of inflation, right? Those were nice gifts!
– Yes, except that the more the State puts money into circulation, the more it contributes to inflation! So instead of fixing the problem, it made it worse!
– Clearly… he needs a vacation, Father Legault!
– The problem is that its employees are on strike… The reindeer, the elves, even the Star Fairy (who went to fight against climate change in the United Arab Emirates, one of the largest oil producers in the world) hung up his wand!
– And the children? What will happen to children like us?
– Well, the children will have to manage! Christmas is supposed to be a religious holiday anyway, right? Not a commercial party! However, we actually had someone who achieved a miracle in 2023! He resurrected a party that we thought was dead, some even say that it is the new Savior of Quebec!
– The new Savior of Quebec? Wow! I imagine it’s too late for him to come see us tomorrow… Do you think he could come see us at Les Rois?
– Um… That would surprise me!”