Chewing gum for the mind, these are my columns that are more fun than relevant. A column just to smile. It’s a title that comes to me from this American proverb which describes television as chewing gum for the mind.
We do not celebrate the feast of Jesus like the others. He is the only character in the history of humanity whose birthday we celebrate by reconstructing everything around his birth. In the nativity scene thus set up for remembrance, the parents, the stable, the animals who lived there and the visitors sent by the Lord are all represented.
Obviously, I’m talking here about the Three Wise Men, which seems to be one of the first attempts at a multicultural project. Indeed, a certain belief has it that Melchior is white, Baltazar dark like Boucar and Gaspard of oriental origin.
That said, I once heard an Acadian storyteller say that there was another king called Ultramar. This fourth musketeer was not guided by the star in the sky. More capitalist than the others, Ultramar was looking for oil.
Since the last Liberal government of Quebec, I have also added a fifth king to the distribution. This fifth king from Quebec is a doctor named Melcouillard. Arriving well before the other four, he carried with him a pair of scissors to cut the umbilical cord.
A compulsive cutter, he quickly did so much damage to the Bethlehem health system that Marie was reduced to giving birth in a stable.
Just to raise a smile, let me digress a little further on the subject. In question, I wonder if today we could redo this multicultural mission without bickering. Imagine if we had to entrust this responsibility to young people who are more aware of discrimination and fueled by wokism. The bickering would quickly arise. Let’s try to revisit this story to better adapt it to today’s societal values.
Let’s imagine such a mission when, somewhere in the dunes, Balthazar begins the conversation:
“Melchior, why are you the one carrying the gold?
— It is the Lord who has decided this, my friend. He said: “Melchior will bring gold, Balthazar, myrrh, and Gaspard, incense. That’s it, that’s all.”
— OK… No need to ride your big camels…”
Balthazar takes Gaspard aside and, in a confidential tone, says:
“We won’t make many friends in Bethlehem, my boy.
— What do you mean, Balthazar?
— Bringing something to perfume a dead person to the family of a newborn… a bad gift!
— If it is the Lord who has decided this, as Melchior says, there must be a meaning that escapes us. Myrrh is simply a way of reminding us that the unborn child cannot escape death.
— I rather think that Melchior tricked us. Open your eyes, Gaspard. We have been caught up in a two-tiered gospel system. Melchior quietly negotiated a prime right with the boss before getting his hands on the gold. We were drawn into a sort of public-private partnership. We assume the risks and Melchior will reap the benefits.
— Yeah…
— Basically, Gaspard, we are looking for the star, but it is Melchior, the official star of this mission.
— It’s true that it’s not fair that Melchior brings a great gift from the bank or the jewelry store, and we two kids can be found in a grano store on the corner. When I think that we travel for weeks by camel in the desert to bring this, I am almost ashamed, Balthazar.
— Stop complaining because I chose a nice gift, you jealous people.
— Did you hear that, Gaspard? The worst part is that Melchior isn’t even aware of his privileges.
— I think that gold should for once be entrusted to racialized communities, right, Balthazar?
— Excuse me, Gaspard, but we say black and racialized communities.
— Oh good, because in addition, there is a hierarchy?
— Don’t get involved in this, Melchior, we’re talking among ourselves in our safe space.
— Honestly, what will it be like next, are you going to cancel me?
— That’s not crazy, my Melchior, a little diversity wouldn’t hurt, eh, Balthazar?
— You’re not wrong, my Gaspard!
— Honestly, guys, we are still three kings from different backgrounds. What more do you want?
— Exactly, we are three kings. That’s too masculine and patriarchal. Why not add a queen to the story?
—Not the Queen of Sheba, still?
— No, Melchior! More diverse and inclusive than that. Why not a drag queen mage? It could help this Bethlehem community get used to the difference. Everyone would be a winner!
— Except for me, I’m on unemployment because there’s no longer any place in this world for a 50-year-old heterosexual white man.
— Do you have a candidate in mind for this fourth king, Balthazar?
— I first thought of Ritabagar, but I really know one top, Barbadar! She’s a great storyteller, which is perfect for a story like ours. She could review the whole legend in a more inclusive way and tell the children about the angels who came down from heaven.
— From the sky?
— Angels don’t have sex, let’s see, Melchior, everyone knows that. Why do you think they are called Michel, Gabriel and Raphaël? Because they are gender neutral nouns.
— Okay, another matter. And what would these angels sing around the manger?
— Hosannaobviously.
— No, but what is your project? The Great Replacement? If you want more from me, I’ll leave with my gold. You will be cleared.
— Go there if you want, my Melchior. If this is the price to pay for a world where everyone has their place, may your wish be granted. But you could choose to stay. If the three musketeers were four, the wise men could be four too. Ultimately, all we ask is that you make a little more room for others who are different. Equity, diversity and inclusion. At worst, if we are too cramped in the nursery, we will take the beef out. As for gold, we also think that it would be simpler to present it as a group gift, a symbol of our unity which will be our strength. »
To everyone who reads, avoids, likes, criticizes and even hates my texts, I wish a Merry Christmas!