Chocolate | Discussion around the reality of adoptees

In the theatre, performance evenings follow one another, but are not necessarily alike. At the end of March, the room Chocolate ended in tears for many onlookers. The latter, adopted persons or adoptive parents, were strongly affected by the words of the show.

After the performance, a good forty people remained in the small hall of La Licorne to attend a discussion organized by the organization L’Hybridé around the various challenges faced by people adopted abroad.

This theme is central to Chocolate, by the young playwright and performer Phara Thibault. Born in Haiti, the latter was adopted by a Quebec family at the age of two and a half and grew up in a small village in Beauce. Quite quickly, the search for her biological mother and the quest for her identity as a young black woman took up a lot of space in her life.

Although she grew up surrounded by love, the awkwardness and unintentional microaggressions of her adoptive parents left their marks on the young woman. A reality in which many of the adopted persons who spoke during the discussion, which lasted beyond 45 minutes, recognized themselves.

Phara Thibault takes the lead: “My mother has always trivialized the racism that I experienced. Since she never taught me what racism is, I accepted it for a long time. »

“I can’t be racist because I love you. “Be grateful, because I adopted you.” “You are lucky to be in Quebec and to have been saved from poverty…” Such phrases were the lot of some people who testified during the discussion. Justine Boulanger, president of L’Hybridé, moderator of the discussion and herself an adopted person, adds: “Society always reminds us that we have been saved. There is still a tenacious idea of ​​the white saviour. ” ” If my country is not able to take care of its children, there is a reason and it should be explained, believes Phara Thibault. The social injustices that explain this poverty should be addressed. »

With Lochin Brouillard, a teacher of Chinese origin who was adopted by a Quebec family at the age of 8 months, the play found a strong resonance, even if she believes that each adopted person has a story of their own. “There are universal questions, in particular about our origins, the reasons for our adoption, our biological mother: does she think of me? Do I look like him? Why did she abandon me? The story is not always as simple as the one we are told. We all wonder what would have happened to us if we had stayed in our country of origin. »

Justine Boulanger also recognized herself in certain passages of the play, in particular the one where Phara Thibault dreams of being a little blond girl with blue eyes. “Me, when I was young, I walked for whole days with a nylon stocking on my head to pretend to have long hair…” The two women are not of the same generation, but their lives are made fiercely echo.

Several people present also said they were experiencing a great conflict of loyalty vis-à-vis their adoptive family. The first question that was put to Phara Thibault also concerned the reaction of the one she calls her “mother-adopt-heart” upon reading her text.

The playwright’s response: “She managed to understand what I internalized all these years. We are closer than ever. »

Many questions have also been raised about the place of adoptees in the community. “I will never belong 100% to Quebec society,” laments a spectator. “I am still considered a stranger,” adds Lochin Brouillard. The misfortune is that the adopted people do not feel more understood by the people of their culture of origin: “I am told that I am not a real black because I do not speak Creole”, launches another female.

It is perhaps only when they find themselves together, like that evening at La Licorne, that a real feeling of solidarity is created.

This community of similars, Phara Thibault had never experienced it before this discussion with the organization L’Hybridé. “The discussion made me feel less alone. We often heard the “savior parents”, but finally we were able to talk. »

Every viewer seems to have benefited from this sometimes difficult discussion. Even the adoptive mothers who were there. One of them wrote to the artist after the performance to tell him of the “punching in the stomach” she received because she detected in her 11-year-old daughters the same needs as those expressed on the scene. She chose to give her daughters the book of the play.

Another mother, however, created a stir in the audience by declaring that she had chosen to adopt a child abroad so that it would be more complicated for him to find his biological family…

The comment made Lochin Brouillard cringe. But the 33-year-old says she understands the reality of adoptive parents. “Sometimes adoptive parents have a background, such as a history of infertility that has caused them unhappiness. It’s not easy for them to be confronted about their decisions, especially since they have huge consequences for us. No one likes being told they’re a bad parent. »

Phara Thibault hopes for his part that international adoption is better regulated. “Not in the choice of parents, but in the follow-up that is done. Parents must be aware of their racial biases to truly care for an uprooted child. Being adopted is violent. An adopted child is a child in love with a land and a language. There is still a lot of education to be done. »

Chocolate

Text by Phara Thibault. Directed by Marie-Ève ​​Milot. With Lise Martin and Phara Thibault.

At The UnicornUntil April 15