I slowly started seeing friends again. (Months after everyone else, yes. I didn’t want to be the guy who left the 18e wave of COVID.) Everything seems pretty much back to normal, except that the pandemic has changed the way we used to greet each other.
I thought that after years of distancing, people would be so lacking in human contact that greetings between friends might become more ostentatious, to compensate. A big frenchhands on buttocks, rubbing on each other, something like that.
Being an introvert, that scared me a bit.
But no, ultimately.
The handshake, the hug and the pecks on the cheeks, temporarily replaced by a little anything, like the absurd high five in a vacuum two meters away, have not become habits again.
Before the pandemic, we followed the rhythm imposed by the more extroverted of the two people: “Two beaks on the cheeks? OK ! Ah, a little hug with that, ben coudonc, let’s go! or “Just a handshake even though we’ve known each other for 10 years?” It’s okay with me. It lasted two seconds, it was over and we quickly moved on.
Now, when I meet a friend, the first moments feel like a duel in the middle of the main street in an old western.
We observe each other, we gauge each other, who will make the first move and, above all, what will it be? We try to assess the tolerance of the other, so we observe each other for a moment, tight smile, arms hanging down, without doing anything. And we think: “Do we usually give each other a kiss? Seems messy? Are we going back to that or is this person going to take a step back to prevent us from spreading germs to each other? Am I going to offend him if I hug him? Do I really want a hug? Is that a bit exaggerated? Seems a little too emotional for my taste. Oh misery. This moment is endless. Is this person going to make a move, get it over with, or should I take the lead, at the risk of committing a faux pas? Will she find it a bit cold if I just give her a handshake, like I’m meeting my banker or we’re in a job interview? She’ll think I’m not happy to see her! I may be better off doing nothing, I don’t feel like being the source of discomfort. If I’m too sticky, I’ll look like a guy who hasn’t figured out how viruses spread yet. I’ll wait for her to do something. BUT SHE DOES NOTHING! Can’t we smile indefinitely in the entrance of the apartment without saying anything? »
The moment when we get together and break the ice has sometimes become as laborious as solving a Rubik’s cube without hands. Because we haven’t replaced what we were doing before with something else. It seems to me that it is time for us to find a clear gesture, which would be unanimous.
THE fist bump, this little punch to punch, has an unsatisfying je ne sais quoi. To me, it’s too much like a quick drug deal in a back alley to become the norm. The nudge, invented during the pandemic, requires unsightly contortions, and I don’t know why, people often stick their tongues out while doing it. It’s not fancy fancy, and it probably spreads germs.
While waiting for something to be found, I circumvent the embarrassing moment by making a diversion. “I’ll take your coat, oh, a bottle of wine, wow, you shouldn’t have!” » I contemplate the label, I say anything about this wine that I don’t know… « Ah well, ah well, a Merlot, you! Worse a 2019, apart from that! I say in a bewildered tone, as if I have the slightest idea if it’s a good year or a shit year, merlotment speaking.
There is something exciting in this void, all the same: we can reinvent greetings. But we’re going to have to find, and quickly, because we’re going to be tired of moments of discomfort.
What will it be? I thought of a surprise dance: we start wriggling in front of the other, on a choreography of our choice: someone leaves the Achy Breaky Dance, the other goes further with the latest choreography found on TikTok. One launches with the gesture of There fury, the other counterattacks with stunning flamenco dancing accompanied by castanets and dramatic heel-snapping. A LambadaA Gangnam Stylepif poof, the greetings are made.
Let’s try it this week and see how it goes?