Posted yesterday at 9:00 a.m.
I don’t naturally trust people. In my suspicious mind, apartment landlords on Airbnb have hidden cameras in the bedroom and bathroom. The workers never finish the work on the promised date. Motorists never stop their vehicle at stop signs.
In sixth grade, I was very proud when the teacher told me that I had won the school spelling bee, only to discover that I had been the only participant, a detail that he preferred to keep quiet. . Maybe that’s when I started to distrust everything and everyone?
I also find that some people are very trusting of others, and this character trait surprises me. One day, a person explains to his child, choosing the right words to expose him to the danger, but without traumatizing him, that he should never, never, ever get into a stranger’s car. The next day, this same person calls an Uber and gets into a car with a suspicious guy with the only distinctive sign of a crumpled paper marked “Uber” stuck on a window.
I am naturally wary of everything. So, I totally understand if people question my word, especially when I’m telling a crazy story in a store to get an exchange or a refund.
The other day our SodaStream machine tried to kill me and my girlfriend. The object, designed to make sparkling water, decided never to stop venting gas into the water container. Until… what? That the container burst in my face? That the gas bottle explodes and tears us apart? That the house goes into orbit? I don’t know, because I had the good instinct to unscrew the tank to stop the leak.
Three minutes later, recovered from our emotions, we were at Canadian Tire to exchange the cursed device. “For exchanges, you have to keep the box and the invoice”, we are told at each visit. Bad students, we had neither box nor invoice, and a preposterous story as a bonus. But the cashier believed us.
Coming out of the store, with a new machine under her arm, my girlfriend told me she wasn’t expecting it. I was just as surprised as she was that anyone believed our story, true as it was. We expected to have to bring the defective thing back and leave it in the basement forever. But no. We were trusted. It “made our day”. A little more and we’d go back to the store in tears to hug the cashier with flowers, weave her friendship bracelets and pay off her college debts.
To trust the other, I realize with amazement, is a quality at the base of the relations between human beings.
Without trust, relationships don’t hold much. And I know very well that confidence does not come from outside, but from within.
We either give our trust or we don’t. Giving it is not proof of merit; it’s letting go. It requires a part of courage, a part of abandonment, a part of unconsciousness. And a bit of naivety, probably.
So how can I make it easier to give my trust to others?
On the web, I am told to do yoga, obviously, the answer to all ills. They also recommend that I have more self-confidence. (So crossing confidently at an intersection and getting run over? No thanks.)
In this batch of useless advice, I have retained two that seemed relevant to me: do not generalize. Not all motorists fail to make their stops. Not all workers are falling behind. No doubt at least a dozen people who rent their apartments on Airbnb are not sex freaks. We tend to remember one negative experience better than a thousand positive ones. Putting all individuals in the same basket is what gives rise to the prejudices at the origin of sexism and racism, among others. This guy in his giant pick-up truck might run over me if I cross, but maybe not either.
It is also necessary to find the right balance between caution and abandonment. This guy aboard his giant pick-up will most likely make his stop, the statistics say so. So I’m going to cross, but I’ll still be ready to jump, just in case. I believe that confidence does not prevent the instinct of survival.
I know, I know, I still have a long way to go. I’m working on it ! (Trust me.)