In the age of “no more saying anything,” I am not responsible for what people say to me, but I am responsible for my reception and response to what they say. This, yes. It’s sometimes hard to hear, sometimes flattering (like a balm on the heart), and other times it’s downright false. It is up to me, and no one else, to believe or not what I am told.
My therapist once said to me, during a session where I was very affected by people’s perceptions and comments about me: “If someone calls you a pink elephant, will you believe it? » And I responded spontaneously: “Well no. I’m not a pink elephant. » I like pink elephants, but I’m not that. If you tell me that I am this or that (positive or negative), I can accept it or reject it. I am responsible for what I believe. It seems so simple, said like that, doesn’t it?
For a long time, too long, I believed a big lie: “I’m not lovable, maybe I’m even disposable. » The famous wound of abandonment which we are a cursed beautiful and endearing gang of my generation to bear… Does that ring a bell? You know, the hurt that keeps us from loving ourselves for who we really are, that prompts us to “do, do, do” to feel like we are worthy of being loved? This wound which has taken away from us what is most precious to us: self-esteem. I say “we” to remind us that we are not alone. It’s important not to forget it.
Can this wound be healed? Does the moment we become aware of it, does it disappear? No. It doesn’t dissolve in bleach either. It’s a very, very stubborn wound, like a damn oil stain that will never go away, in fact.
You have to throw the piece of laundry to get rid of it. The problem is, we can’t throw ourselves out. Notice, many people throw themselves and abandon themselves every day of their lives, forgetting their dreams, putting everyone else’s needs before their own, giving, when the cup is far from full, and then feeling frustrated and unhappy.
It is necessary… from the verb “must”. Even if it rhymes with responsibility, I consciously try to remove it from my vocabulary for the simple reason that nothing is necessary. And my intention in talking about responsibility is not to tell the world what to do, but rather to say how much it can change our perspective. I choose, I decide, I wish, I want to… it’s less authoritarian. By the way, I don’t know about you, but don’t try to force me to think one way or agree to anything without my consent! But… no crazier than any other, if I see that your recipe seems to work, I may ask you for the ingredients.
During my personal journey, I learned two things essential to my development that I sincerely desire to share. Firstly, then, no one puts thoughts into my head; I am the only one who has this power. Obviously, we can be influenced by the world around us, by toxic behavior from those around us, our family, or even ourselves, I am not saying the opposite. But in the very concrete, short of sectarian and shady brainwashing, no one can put our thoughts in the louse box.
Secondly, no matter our origin, our history, our journey, we all have a role to play, a “not impossible” mission on Earth. It may be very well hidden, perhaps under several stains of oil, very stubborn dirt. Now, when we find it, even if life does not become perfect, it is suddenly perhaps a little easier to cherish. We finally find meaning in the suffering we experience, which can be transformed into a reason to live or into a legacy for our children. I am not talking about material goods here, rather energy, wisdom, experience and knowledge.
It’s one day at a time that we can “try” to do a little better than the day before. That we can see when we act or react from where it hurts, where it is stained, damaged, scratched. While we become responsible citizens by learning to wash our clothes on our own or trying a new recipe, the most important thing is to realize that we have the means to do so by observing our thoughts and the emotions they give us. bring to life.
Our responsibility, even if this word can make you sweat, is to agree to watch ourselves go.
A broken washer can be repaired. A failed recipe, it starts again. A broken heart is less easy to understand. But by loving this heart, becoming aware of what hurts, and making efforts to heal it, we become like a magnet that attracts the good, the sweet, the divine even. By loving life and what happens to us, even certain trials that can give us the impression of being broken forever – which can make us lose confidence in humanity – life ends up giving it back to us. Always.
The washing machine, spin, it mixes everything up. From our limiting beliefs to our devaluing perceptions, including regrets from the past. We just have to accept that it is up to us to start the cycle. That it’s up to us to believe what we want to believe.
Believe. It’s choosing to see a better world.
It’s not that complicated.
Who is Éliane Gagnon?
- Born in Montreal in 1985, Éliane Gagnon is an actress and author.
- We saw her on television in Ramdamstarting in 2004, then in shows like RAMs Or Feminine/feminine.
- In the cinema, she played roles notably in Louis Cyr : the strongest man in the world.
- In 2017, she founded Soberlab, a digital platform that promotes sobriety. Two years later, she published her first autofiction story, Escape notebooksin which she discusses her recovery from addiction disorder and her journey to sobriety.
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