He has an “uncommon” background. Not “typical”. Certainly different. Interview with a young deaf man with a story full of twists and turns, unrelated to his disability. Although maybe it is.
Simon*, 30, arranged to meet us at a downtown Starbucks. Sitting a little apart – hearing problems require – the young man delivers himself in good humor and disarming transparency. It must be said that he has never read a story like his. Hence the care (and the pleasure!) he takes in telling his story. “I am hard of hearing, and I had a lot of fears, at the social level, at the beginning”, he begins in impeccable French. However, and with his almost invisible devices, nothing lets, a priori, guess his handicap.
But for a long time, the whole primary, in fact, he was completely enclosed. Aggressive. “I forged a wall for myself, because of all the students who made fun of my handicap. It hurt me a lot socially. »
Fortunately, with secondary school, the dynamic changes. He changes schools, makes friends, even a first love, with whom he spends two wonderful years. Her first time? Around 16 years old. “It’s seventh heaven,” he said, smiling. It was a great relationship, we had great chemistry! »
Around 18, his family moved and so died the relationship. “It took me several weeks to recover. Quickly, however, Simon registers on social networks (where communication is more favorable to him), and meets his next girlfriend, with whom he remains five years. “That’s the traditional part of my career,” he says, smiling. “I’m pretty dominant, very dominant, come to think of it, and she’s shy. […] In bed, there are no other words except: classic, banal,” he decides, before changing his mind.
From the visit to Europe
It is that in the last year of their relationship an acquaintance lands by chance, coming from Europe to discover the country. He lived at the time in a small one-bedroom apartment, with his so-called “traditional” girlfriend. Simon laughs again as he recalls the scene. They don’t really know where to sleep their guest, so for lack of a guest room, they “stupidly” buy a small military bed that they place right next to their big bed.
Can you guess what’s next? Believe it or not, but after two nights, they all found themselves together under the covers, in a threesome adventure that lasted several months!
“We never said we were in a gang, it was never official, always hidden,” says Simon. Nevertheless, the case changed him drastically. Emancipated, let’s say. In terms of practices, but also communication. “She had more knowledge,” he says. She showed us stuff that liberated us. ” Example ? “Cunnilingus! I thought I had control, but no. […] Where I have to put my tongue, my fingers, the frequency, she gave us tools! »
And in doing so, his girlfriend, then a rather “shy” girl, suddenly “slacked off”. “And it was seventh heaven! »
Of note, the friend in question, bisexual, has always refused to be penetrated. It was the “rule”: “She was a virgin and wanted it to stay that way. »
“It was wow,” he continues. There was no more dominant, dominated, it was mutual, each in turn, it was crazy. […] What an experience. […] It taught me a lot about women’s sexuality. »
Mid-twenties, and for all sorts of reasons, Simon separates. He finds himself single, but his adventures are far from over. “Where do I start? One evening, and somewhat by chance, he went out to a bar in the Village with some friends. “At this point, I’m heterosexual, thing,” he laughs. Wow, that brings back memories. It’s not only that he’s straight, but he’s also ‘naive’. His friends are gay, but he doesn’t know it. And no, it never really interested him. “I don’t know anyone gay, it’s totally new to me. “But obviously, he is not too closed, since he ends up in a friend’s bed.
Note: the guy in question is also hard of hearing.
Both have a disability. And yes, it is about trust. He too has a background, an experience in terms of intimidation, we have a shared trust, which has allowed us to accept the advances of the other!
Simon, 30 years old
Monsieur “gets in the way”, one “move at a time”, and it’s finally very “fluid”. “It’s not so bad,” he said, laughing even more. It hurts behind, but it’s not that bad! »
If the case confronts him? Not at all. “It gave me freedom. An openness to another world, to the LGBTQ community, of which I was completely ignorant. »
A short introspection later and Simon assumes himself completely: “I am bisexual from that moment. And not gay? ” Oh no ! I love women ! »
It was three years ago. However, he is not at the end of his explorations. After the men, the bi, Simon then discovers “the world of trans men”. “I’m in discovery mode. This time, yes, it’s a little more confrontational. He explains: “The trans man has the body of a woman, but the hair of a man! It’s not a blockage, but it’s new. The only thing that I don’t like, and that I realize: I really don’t like… people who smoke! »
He hasn’t finished surprising us. It is that following this adventure, and by “expanding his research”, Simon ends up meeting a girl from Quebec. Coup de theater (and in summary): they have not let go since. In bed ? “She has control, without controlling too much. We have a synergy of controls. “And believe it or not, but yes, he is “fulfilled”, in a “closed” couple here, by far the most traditional he has known. “It’s funny, isn’t it?” I’m going back to a safe source. […] It goes well with her, she’s a rare pearl. And I’m ready for that, not going to see men or women. He doesn’t hide it, yes, sometimes a desire takes hold of him. “But today, with the internet, I fulfill…”
And then he’s not crazy: “We’re still at the beginning, everything in its time…”
The moral of it all? Simon doesn’t look long: “Tear down your walls. Me, if I had kept them, I would never have been towards women or towards men. Nor to myself…”
*Fictional first name, to protect his anonymity