Sylvain had a “rock’n’roll” youth, downright “intense” at times. However, for 20 years now, after many “mistresses”, he is stuck. Happy, on top of that. Story of his convoluted path to his “dream life”.
Frankly: “it’s perfect”, confirms our interlocutor all smiles, seated in front of a beer, somewhere in the North. Mid-fifties, with his big soft eyes, Sylvain is visibly happy to tell his story. It must be said that he never did the exercise “from start to finish”. Perhaps he never felt the need until midday in June. Still, there, “it’s a release”, he says. “And if it can help anyone…”
He actually has a lot to tell. “At 5 years old, I was assaulted by someone around me,” he begins. But surprise: no, he is not exactly traumatized. ” Not much. It rather awakened my sexuality. The guy in question, about ten years older, brings the case in the form of a “game.” Suddenly, Sylvain then wants to “replay” with his friends, on the right, on the left, and “repeat”. “As soon as I had the chance, I played touch-pee. With guys, girls. It always continued. »
At 13, he had his very first sexual relationship with a girl from the neighborhood, a “quick”, “very unsatisfactory” and unfortunately “very little protected” experience, underlines the man, gnawed by months of time by fear ( ultimately unfounded) of having impregnated her.
At 16, he had his first “real” blonde, “a beautiful girl with whom I explored a lot”. He still remembers it. “We weren’t working that summer and we were just fucking! Except that the girl ends up leaving him, and this time, yes, Sylvain is upset. “I live a great feeling of abandonment, it lasts a year. »
I’ve always been afraid of being left, it will be significant in my future relationships…
Sylvain
It’s because Sylvain lost a parent at a very young age, he confides here, at this precise moment of the interview, hence his famous fear of “abandonment”: “I was not capable of to accept was very difficult. »
At CEGEP, he made a second girlfriend, and again, it was “crazy”. “At a higher stage,” he explains. She is very fond of it, she wants to try things, we go to dancers, to dancers, we listen to porn movies. They even live together for a while.
The problem? “I was very, very, very jealous, he knows. Sickly, I would say. It wasn’t cool. So much so that one evening, in a bar, the young woman ends up leaving with another, under Sylvain’s nose. “To heal me,” he believes, with hindsight, although not exactly on the spot. In fact, quite the opposite occurs. Sylvain then decides that his relationship is over. “I don’t want to be in a relationship anymore. »
He is 20 years old. And this phase will last 10 years.
Sylvain then works in a popular bar of the time, which he especially does not want to be named, for fear of being recognized. For good reason: “Here, it’s adventure after adventure. I lived from fuck to fuck. I had several mistresses. “One-night stands, “unattached,” he says, even if the girls in question are not necessarily aware that there are several of them at the same time. In his defense, it’s “always consenting.” If he has never counted his conquests, they certainly exceed a hundred.
Sylvain takes a moment here to draw a parallel with the #metoo movement. “Come on, it’s not that hard to meet a willing girl!” Me, I’m not an ugly guy, but I’m not a firecracker either! » End of parenthesis.
“And then I entered the job market,” he continues. And there, it was the 5 to 7… ” His little game continues. “I already had three different girls in 24 hours! he said, bursting out laughing. Yes, it was “intense”, he concedes. Although he does not regret anything.
It was always protected, and always consenting. It was intense, but that was it.
Sylvain
He also had a few adventures with men at the time, a “bicuriosity” that Sylvain attributes to his past and his precocity. “I wanted to be sure I wasn’t gay,” he says. It wasn’t unpleasant, but I didn’t get off on it. »
Around the turn of the thirties, he began to date a girl or two more “seriously”. “I was a little jaded by the futility, the fact of not building a relationship,” he drops. And then he also starts dreaming of children. Above all, by dint of multiplying the meetings, he is no longer afraid of abandonment. “As if I had cured myself of my fear of being left behind,” he says. I’m detached from it all. “Consequence:” I returned to the mold of the typical couple “, he advances, proud to still be there, it should be specified.
He therefore saw a few “relationships”, “but nothing memorable, at the sexual level”, until he met his current spouse. It was 20 years ago, to be exact.
His face lights up here. “Wo, said Sylvain smiling. Love at first sight ! You know right away it’s her. It clicked. I can’t tell you why. There is an electric current passing. It was intense. Better: “Sexually perfect. Both, we are donors, ”he slips, knowingly. “Not receivers,” and obviously that suits him just fine.
At the beginning, they make love all night long, “like in the days of my adventures, it was incredible”. Obviously, over the years, family life has calmed down. “But our chemistry is still there. »
End of the story ? Not quite. Certainly, in 20 years of living together, our Sylvain has had some hints here and there of jealousy. “The fear of losing her,” he sums up. But you don’t want to smother someone. […] I knew it was from my past. So I had to adapt. […] Make changes. “We won’t really know how, but to see him happy today, and since all this time, we understand that he managed himself and that it seems to have worked rather well.
“I have my dream life. With a spouse. A family, he says. It’s been a long journey to get where I wanted, but I think I’m finally there. »
* Fictitious first name, to protect his anonymity