Posted at 7:00 p.m.
Pablo has a spouse. “But it could have been a spouse. “And he assumes rather well. Although that has not always been the case. Far from there.
The father of the family wrote to us a few months ago, following the testimony of a young bisexual man who found his reality “tough”, like a “sham”, he said. “It caught my attention,” says Pablo, in his soft voice with his charming accent, over a good coffee, installed in his warm suburbs.
It must be said that our man grew up in South America, in a “very traditional” family, where “religion had a lot of influence”. He discovers sexuality quite “naturally” around 8 or 9 years old, with “girls and guys”, he specifies (just as naturally), while playing. “There was no malice involved,” he recalls. We discovered that guys and girls were different. But his parents don’t see it the same way. And we make it clear to him: “we don’t do that”.
Later, in adolescence, the “games” continue, probably less innocently. “We give each other a beak, we touch each other, with girls and guys,” he always specifies. And ? “It’s not unpleasant. But this notion of “forbidden” still hovers. Paul knows it. And it also ends up being known.
“I come from a small town, a small world, and it caused a big scandal: I became the school gay. »
In adolescence, all boys want to flirt with girls. But me, nobody wanted to go out with me anymore: I was the homo…
pablo
“I was very hurt. I didn’t know what I was. The only thing I saw was that being gay was not good. So I prayed to all the churches not to be…”
We can imagine the confusion: “But I like it as much for girls as for boys! Lacking nuance, Pablo kept a low profile throughout high school. “And I hid, buried that story. »
When he arrives at university, our man moves to another city, and finally dreams of being in a relationship, like everyone else. He tries his hand at girls, but it doesn’t “pogne”. “You’re too nice,” they tell him. Reaction ? “Shit, if it doesn’t work with the girls, I’m going to go with the boys…” And that’s when it all comes crashing down.
Pablo is 20 years old, he starts going out to gay bars, and finally meets his first lover. “I didn’t expect that,” he said smiling. This energy, this strength, I really liked it. […] Finally, am I gay? »
The story lasts two years, in secret, until the day Pablo finally decides to open up to his family. His brothers and sisters take it “very” well. His parents ? Less. “It was a disaster. I am no longer their child…” To this point? ” That much. […] I love them a lot. But of all the discrimination I have experienced, they have been the most severe…”
Pablo experiences all of this with difficulty (“I felt dirty”), then pulls himself together (“it’s my life!”). He then confides in his girl friends who welcome him with “what a waste! » and others « how can you do this to us? “, he remembers, laughing.
The story doesn’t end there. After this first lover, and an assurance that we guess is new to him, Pablo begins to flirt (also) with the girls. He still remembers “very well” one kiss in particular, a drunken evening. “I like it a lot, he feels. And she felt it too. And we decided to go out together … ” A change of course that did not please everyone, especially his group of gay friends at the time, as if he had “betrayed” their trust.
But what can I do? Me, I am faithful to what I feel! Why not ?
pablo
With this new girlfriend, Pablo suddenly discovers a “more traditional” sexuality. Although his identity still remains undefined: “I found myself between the two: neither straight nor gay…”
Their love affair lasts a big year. Pablo then goes through the rest of his twenties with more audacity. He “switches” between men and women, lives a few adventures (but not too many – “I was afraid of illnesses”!), including one, notable, with a work colleague. “It was very animal, very passionate. Very carnal. With her, I discovered that it’s not just a question of sex. But chemistry…”
With his parents, at the same time, the subject remains “taboo”. “When I’m with a girl, they think I’m ‘cured’,” he says. They don’t understand…” But he doesn’t hold it against them. “They lived in another reality. […] We are really in another society. »
Still, it was at this time that Pablo also decided to emigrate. It was 20 years ago. He does not hide it, the “culture shock” is enormous. “Here, it’s completely open! […] It’s a strange feeling. It took me a long time to get used to! »
In Quebec, meetings are going well. Thanks, internet. But quickly, Pablo becomes disillusioned. He realizes that he is successful because he is different, “exotic”, like “a consumer good”. Both in men and women, for that matter.
And then one day, through a group of new friends, he comes across his wife. The mother of his children. “She knew I was dating men and women, but she didn’t mind! And since then, we’ve been together! »
It will soon be 15 years that they are together and exclusive, on top of that. Pablo explains without being asked: “we have an exclusive relationship, but because of my bisexuality, we decided to explore”, he slips. Especially with various toys. Especially diverse. And a hint of porn, occasionally. “Madame is alpha, which pleases me! I am going very well ; I am more romantic and passive! And she takes action! »
” I’m satisfied ! he says, smiling, after an hour of ups and downs. We respect each other, we meet our needs, that suits me very, very well. […] I dreamed of being like everyone else. Finally, I am not like everyone else. And I’m wonderfully happy! »
Because it’s finally crystal clear: he loves men, he loves women. “And I love my spouse! »
* Fictitious first name, to protect his anonymity