No, it is not normal to have pain: pain before, pain during, pain after penetration. However, Michèle has known (almost) only that for a long time: pain. Interview with a recovering young woman.
Michèle gave us an appointment halfway between Quebec and Montreal, to tell about her “ordeal”. And to hear him recount his suffering, his tears and his vicious cycle of pain, let’s say that the word seems sadly well chosen.
From her very first relationship, in fact, she suffered. “I knew it might hurt,” she begins, sipping hot chocolate. I knew that wouldn’t necessarily be fun for me. But at this point? “I cried about it. ”
It must be said that her very first (she was 17, he 19) was particularly well-hung, if you want to know everything. “He was wearing extra-large condoms. So for a first experience … ”she said with a grimace. At the same time, Michèle was still not comfortable enough to put on a tampon. It gives you an idea of the lag, let’s say.
With each attempt, the pains persist. “Besides, it wasn’t long since I lost my taste,” she said. I ended up associating sex and pain … ”
An association that ended up getting the better of its couple. Especially since the gentleman disrespected him greatly, she adds. “I tried to satisfy him differently. And he bragged about it to his roommates. Like what I was doing good blowjobs … “She never digested it, and so the relationship ended, after about ten months.
A few weeks later, at the age of 18, Michèle registers on Tinder and meets her second lover there. “Total relief,” she says, “he was much smaller than the first one. Maybe it will work better! ”
In the early days, this is indeed the case. “It was going really well. I still had a little pain afterwards, but not during. And did she find pleasure in it? ” Yes ! ”
Cuddly, it was the other, the problem. We don’t think about it anymore!
Michele
Problem fixed ? “Until the pains come back …” A little bit at the beginning, during, after intercourse. “And the vicious circle begins again …” The evil, then the fear of being in pain, and so on.
She ends up seeing a doctor in a CLSC, who advises her to find ways to relax. Example ? “Have a little glass of wine,” she illustrates, rolling her eyes. And does it work? Michele bursts out laughing. “A big no! ”
Worse: she loses all desire for intimacy and puts a cross on her sexuality. “Towards the end, nothing was happening. I slept dressed from head to toe, she illustrates. I must have something wrong! It’s not normal, at 19, not to have a libido! ”
End of relationship.
Then, twist: against all expectations, Michèle falls under the spell of a work colleague. “A connection that came without my seeing it coming,” she exclaims, a smile cracking from ear to ear. And there, it will be three and a half years! ”
In bed ? Their first experience is his best ever. “Spontaneous, not at all planned. We kissed, then one thing led to another. I am so comfortable with him! […] I had never had fun like this. Oh my God ! This is what it is supposed to be! ”
And his pains? “Zero, all, absolutely nothing! ”
The first few months are downright “incredible”. “We made love four times in 36 hours, that was enough! she illustrates. OK, after four times I was a little irritated, but otherwise I had no pain, it was going great. […] We were doing together. Like two pieces of a puzzle. ”
Except that “unfortunately” the “honeymoon” did not last. For reasons which are so far difficult to explain. Was it just “the early adrenaline rush”? Still, quietly and slyly, the pains returned. “It was really gradual. »From one sexual relationship a day, Michele only endured one relationship every two, then three days, until she was no longer able at all. “I was tearing! Yes ! I have a scar! It is visible! ”
I was completely disheartened. That’s it: I’m the problem!
Michele
It was a year ago. She talks about it to a second doctor, who this time prescribes a cream to tackle her sensitivity. “Total failure. ”
With her lover, sex is now “non-existent”. Fortunately, moreover, “the couple is doing well! We are still solid ”. Still. She dares to ask him: “Do you want to look elsewhere? I wanted so much to preserve my relationship. It’s so precious, what we have. If you want to look elsewhere to relieve yourself, I would live with it, ”she told him. But the latter refused.
And then, in the midst of the pandemic, Michèle heard an advertisement on the radio, praising the merits of the laser to treat vaginal pain (vestibulitis, dryness and other atrophies). “It piques my curiosity, you have no idea how much. ”
And then ? She does some research, and goes for it. “I took a chance. […] When I got there, I had nothing to lose. Other than a few thousand dollars for the famous treatment, maybe.
Results ? Besides a few laser sessions, therefore (“to allow my mucous membranes to regenerate”, she explains, we will not know more), Michèle also does several sessions in perineal physiotherapy. “I was given stretching exercises at the entrance of the vagina, to do with a dilator every day. ”
And Michele, motivated, it will be understood, decides to do them squarely with her boyfriend. ” Together ! It’s not very sensual, but it allowed us to regain that lost intimacy. ”
And guess what? Quietly, but surely, “it works! ”
“We find a certain bond that we no longer had. We no longer lie back to back … ”
Better: they even managed to have full sex. “Obviously, not the prettiest. But we still succeeded without me crying! And without hurting me afterwards! ”
Michèle finally feels “delivered”. “It’s reassuring,” she said. Comforting! Cuddle, I’m not alone in this! ”
She knows she is surrounded by a team of professionals. She has resources. And as a bonus a lover who supports her. “I know he’s next to me. It is the most beautiful gift. ”
* Fictitious first name, to protect anonymity
Focus on the laser
Mélanie Morin is a professor at the Faculty of Medicine and Health Sciences at the University of Sherbrooke. A specialist in sexual issues, she has just carried out a pilot study with 40 women on the effectiveness of lasers on pain on penetration. Until now, if it “appears” to be having an effect, further studies will be needed to scientifically confirm it. It is precisely awaiting subsidies in this direction. In addition, a study by Laval University, published last month in the Journal of the American Medical Association and carried out on postmenopausal women, concluded that the laser had no more effect here than a placebo. “If women are tempted to try the laser, they must know that it involves a lot of money, that it is only done in a private clinic, and that currently, there is no study. which demonstrates its effectiveness, she said. I would go to other scientifically proven treatments, such as physiotherapy. ”