It is a story of hormonal treatments and in vitro fertilization. A real “saga” where the calendar has often taken precedence over spontaneity. But where a couple knew, despite all the adversity, to preserve their intimacy. Maintenance.
Caroline came especially from her region to meet us, and especially to tell how she learned to “make love for nothing”, as she says. “If that helps!” », Smiles the discreet brunette with glasses with disarming generosity, in a crowded cafe in the Plateau, one rainy autumn morning.
“I had too ordinary experiences before meeting my partner,” she says straight away, getting to the heart of the matter. After a first time of “mortal boredom” at around 17, then a handful of “disappointing” adventures, she comes to the conclusion that she is finally “quite alone”. Even if, well, “it would be nice to meet someone to do activities every now and then,” she thought to herself.
After several years of celibacy, she confides in these words to a friend and, believe it or not, her future husband confides exactly the same, more or less in the same words, to the same friend!
What had to happen happened: the matchmaker did the right thing and the two “hardened bachelors” ended up meeting, somewhere in their mid-twenties. And then ? “Fireworks,” Caroline said again with a smile. “He was extremely embarrassed. And I found him super cute. She would have taken him home on the first night, but unfortunately Monsieur is too embarrassed. A few meetings later, she has the confirmation: the gentleman is certainly embarrassed in life, but not in bed! “He’s a guy who really likes to please, she smiles more beautifully, he has a very generous side. It was awesome. ”
The lovebirds are “inseparable”, spend their first months in bed (“we spent our weekends doing that …”) and less than a year later, they move in together.
A “heavy” project
From the following year, they put the machine in motion. And this is not a surprise: “I knew it would be difficult …” Her scant and especially irregular menstruation put him on the ear. And at the end of six months, after the simple method of the calendar, the couple embarks on heavy artillery, namely: tests, hormones and other stimuli. “And when the hormones come on board, I’m not the same person anymore!” Caroline remembers. “I am emotional, I doubt everything, […] I have a stomach ache all the time… ”
Worse: “And there, we begin the series of” it is necessary “”: it is necessary to make love tonight, such and such a day, such another. “I’m not interested, but we have to…”, she illustrates.
The adventure lasts, hold on tight, 10 years. Ten years and thousands of dollars (“we had the means”, she takes the trouble to specify), with hormonal stimulation, inseminations, then in vitro fertilization. Ten years of “it takes”, what.
Of course, the couple took “a few breaks” (“we didn’t do that every month!”).
But we weren’t taking a mental break, and I kept telling myself: it can happen… So, I was calculating. I calculated for 10 years …
Caroline
And yes, you will understand, it ends up being “invasive”. And in doing so, “not always” pleasant. “But the good thing, Caroline nuance, is that my partner always wanted it to be pleasant. Even under the worst of circumstances, she recalls. She still hears herself say to him, a bit “steep”: “I’m electric, you have to do it, but if you could not touch me …” Yes, she confirms, “it ends up being heavy” . Heavy and tense. “Fortunately he has selective memory, because I was not pleasant …”, she slips, visibly grateful.
A meeting “for nothing”
Not always pleasant, but often “all the same”: “We arranged moments outside of it all, when I was not ovulating, when it was not functional, and we did it anyway. . They made love “for nothing”, as she likes to say jokingly. And ? “We made appointments. And he was still as generous as at the beginning… ”
However, despite all her good intentions, even if she took care to choose pretty underwear, or if she made scenarios to “prepare mentally”, a thought still inhabited her. “Always,” she confirms. I could have started a pregnancy testing company… ”
Still, after 10 years, therefore, exhausted (mentally and physically), Caroline decided that was enough. In agreement with her spouse, obviously, who was also “tanned”.
“I was in pain all over, I was angry, after one last nightmarish IVF, I decided it was the last. ”
At that precise moment, and for the one and only time in the interview, Caroline’s eyes filled with tears. Her voice trembles, but she continues: “It has been a difficult day. Oh yeah, it was tough. But it lasted 48 hours. We were very sad, then we said to ourselves: here we have lost enough time and quality of life, for no gain, we are tired, so everything else must be fine. And we’re going to have a good life. ”
And that’s exactly what they did. With psychological support (“to sort it out”), Caroline has succeeded in dissociating sexuality and reproduction. Then to find the desire and the pleasure of making love “for nothing”, and especially without ulterior motive. Never. “I never thought about it again and I never bought a pregnancy test again,” she confirms, not a little proud.
How then ? By remembering his first antics. “When it wasn’t about reproduction that I was thinking …” And by taking back control of her sexuality in doing so. Figuratively. But also the calendar. “I regained control of the moments: Wednesday night, do you like it? »Balance sheet? “I discovered that we always had a lot of fun and that I could let myself go. Since then, we have been on our way to go… ”
There is no secret. The psychological support, the complicity and finally the projects (“we traveled a lot, renovated a lot, we went out a lot, we took advantage of life whenever we could!”) Obviously helped a lot. Speaking of projects, and after having given up on the idea for several years, a twist: Caroline and her lover are now foster families. “It’s not a plan B,” she said. This is another project. […] But happiness is total… ”And guess what? It looks…
* Fictitious first name, to protect his anonymity.
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