Louis*, his wife, his girlfriend and his chum live in a “quad”. They do not live under the same roof, but date each other for all kinds of activities, including sexuality. And they love each other respectively, at the same time. You follow ? Interview with a happy polyamorous person.
Before meeting us, the man, in his flattering mid-forties, who has been in this special relationship for almost a year, first consulted the other members of said “quad” to obtain their agreement.
Then, after our interview, we understand that he told them about our meeting. As proof, he contacted us again two days later: “Hello, Silvia, is it possible to change your pseudonym, because both my girlfriend and my wife don’t like the idea of making love to a Claude! If possible, they chose: […] Louis. » We understand that they are tightly knit, even in anonymity!
Louis, therefore, has been with his wife, to whom he “swore loyalty”, for 30 years. “We are childhood friends! » They started dating as teenagers, but it was not with her that he had his first experiences. “I had my first real blonde just before. » His first time? “Like all the first times,” he laughed. Weird. You lack experience! »
It’s funny, you think you’re awkward as a teenager, but the first time with another woman as an adult, it’s like you’re reliving that first time…
Louis, mid-40s
His relationship, he states straight away, has always been “very much in love”. With his wife, the mother of his children, “the first 365 days”, they “didn’t miss a day!” “, he laughs. And the next ones? “We explored lots of things,” he continues. Lingerie, sexual objects, then unusual places. We have always been relatively active. »
In their mid-twenties, the children arrive. “At some point you fall into a routine, but we always rekindled the flame. ” How ? A weekend here, a chalet there (thanks, in-laws!), they create moments to get together. “And it’s when you get out of your everyday life that you have the best sexual experiences. Versus a Wednesday evening at 10 a.m.! »
Speaking of children: “They know we have an active sexuality, they surely hear us! The bedrooms are all upstairs, but we don’t do that on purpose! »
The fact remains that 10 years ago, and after a good 20 years of relationship (exclusive and faithful, it should be remembered), they naturally started talking about swinging. “We are capable of discussing anything: hehe, it would be cool if…” The idea: not to “change” their sexuality (which has “always been very beautiful”), but quite simply to “spice it up”. The discussion remains in the air, until, quite recently, they end up registering on a site “for that”.
We’re looking for people like us, who aren’t here to save their relationship. We want a solid couple.
Louis, mid-40s
Solid, because, let’s be frank: “It’s still confronting!” »
They end up in bed with a first couple, then a second, about whom we won’t know much. For good reason: they both want to see the first again, it’s mutual, and they haven’t let each other go since!
Their very first time, Louis still remembers: “It feels weird! You feel like a teenager. Am I doing it right? It’s silly, but I learned that not all women are made the same! »
They had rented two hotel rooms for the occasion, he continues. “Then we gathered in a room of four…” We can guess that he would like to tell more here, but the café in which we are seated is crowded, and the neighboring tables have ears.
And then ? “We had a great vibe,” he continues modestly. This probably explains it: “The four of us wanted to see each other again. » Except that this kind of relationship does not come with instructions. “We didn’t really know how to do it, there is no procedure to follow. But we all want to do things right, without hurting anyone! » So straight away, they decided to have a discussion group of four. And to this day, as a matter of respect and transparency, they communicate through this channel. “If you want to cruise the other one, you do it there!” »
One thing led to another and they ended up seeing each other for other activities, an evening there, a show here; “and we don’t just see each other in hotel rooms anymore.” Better still, they mutually and organically fell in love: “The four of us got caught in the detour! »
This observation was not obvious to Louis. “I think I was the last to accept it,” he said. Oh yeah, can I love another woman? » That his wife loved another, strangely, didn’t bother him so much. “I was happy for her! I like to please my wife. If she is good, I am good, I have no feeling of jealousy. ” But him ? “I really have the right to love two women? […] I had to get rid of this taboo. »
Almost a year later, Louis speaks with ease about his wife here, his girlfriend there. “Ninety percent of the time, we see the four of us together [pour des activités]. […] And sexually, we’re always going to mix, at some point. »
No, it didn’t change anything in his intimacy with his wife, he assures.
Involving another person does not entail a subtraction or division of love! It’s an addition or a multiplication!
Louis, mid-40s
If you want to know everything, yes, they sometimes tell each other the details of their antics. “If they’ve done some cool business, let’s put in something I’ve never done, it spices up my imagination: OK, I can’t wait to see that! »
The “secret” of their success, according to him? Among other things: “Me and the other guy get along really well. We are on the same wavelength. » A telling example: recently, Louis’ wife had a difficult time (unrelated to their quad). Before coming to see her, the lover asked Louis for permission. “Out of respect for me,” he says. I don’t take his role in his family, he doesn’t take mine. Except we help each other! »
Yes, the children suspect it. “They are big teenagers!” » But Louis still questions himself before speaking to them openly about it. “For me, it’s possible, because I’ve been with my wife for 30 years,” he said. I don’t want it to feel like a “free for all!” »
Otherwise, yes, most of their friends know. And Louis generally explains this to them: “Yes, I’m experiencing something different, but I remain the same person,” he summarizes. Even if I experience something… exceptional! », he concludes, beaming.
* Fictitious first name, to protect anonymity