Posted at 6:00 p.m.
Louise has no libido. Zero. A career woman and a feminist first and foremost, she fought all her life for a certain equality, to the detriment of her intimacy, which was otherwise unappealing. Downright disappointing. Story of an assumed “desert”.
“I have the libido like a flat line of death”, immediately confides the colorful septuagenarian, formerly a TV producer, in an interview full of humor and detachment, despite the tenor of the subject. Let’s say that we did not expect so much lightness. It is that behind this “shell” of a strong woman also hides someone who has torn it off, we will eventually understand.
Moreover, a few days before the meeting, Louise wanted to cancel our meeting. “Sorry to have made you waste your time, but I really have nothing to say, my love and sexual life comes down to a great desert, she wrote to us. A blank page in a newspaper like The Press, it’s not very serious. “We insisted, and we did really well.
First, because Louise, a sort of 70-year-old dynamo, speaks loud and tells us a colorful story. It must be said that she was raised (severely) “with the nuns” in the 1950s (“it was still the Duplessis era”) and very early perceived sexuality as something “not beautiful”. “I started masturbating very early, but it was sin! You had to confess! […] But tell that to the priest on Sunday? Imagine the shame. So between lying (“and going to hell!”) or stopping his solitary practices, let’s say that the choice was not very difficult to make. “That wasn’t funny! But I stopped! And she almost never did it again.
As a teenager, she continued between sips of coffee, ” [sa] mother was pin up, [elle] dumpling”. So Louise didn’t “pognait”, as she says. “And I decided that I was not desirable. And as I have a cursed character, it did not help! […] I evacuated love and sexuality. It wasn’t for me. »
In her early twenties, “more out of curiosity than anything else”, Louise had a first sexual relationship all the same. Results ? “I found the guy flat. And I had to be too, ”she adds, as laconic as she is lucid.
As much as I am exuberantly dressed, as much in bed, I close myself up.
Louisa
The story does not last, and in her mid-twenties, Louise meets a second man, with whom she spends five years this time, and even has a child. And then ? “Same case, still flat. When I tell you it’s a disaster, it’s not a joke! It sucks to die! Think: “zero imagination”, “missionary position”, “very little foreplay”. “I’ve always had men who didn’t make love, but who fucked. »
Really no fun? dare we. Nothing at all. As proof: “I was always happy if I came across a premature ejaculator, so I didn’t have to pretend for too long,” she adds, recalling the handful of men she has known. However, “unfortunately”, the guy in question was not. Neither premature ejaculator nor generous in bed. “I don’t remember having had a lover with whom it was more pleasant. More enjoyable. Really not, no. »
Parenthesis: “Today I realize it”, Louise analyzes with hindsight, putting all the men in her life in the same basket. “I picked guys who let themselves be dragged. Guys who expected me to be their mother. “However, Louise, for her part, a feminist from the start, has always refused to mother, or to allow herself to be maintained, or even to play “bobonne”, as she puts it. “I have always paid 50/50 […]. So when I entered into a relationship, I entered into war, it’s not complicated! »
Still, at the turn of the thirties, Louise separates, and spends a few years chaining relationships suddenly “three days, three weeks, three months”. She is now a single mother: “Nothing works, she says, and my career takes up a lot of my time. »
But I was very satisfied! I had so many fun with my child, so many fun with my jobthat having a partner has become secondary.
Louisa
Nevertheless. “Often, I had hollows…” After yet another type “as flat as the others” (and she too “mute”, “I’m waiting for it to end…”), she spends nearly 20 years of “desert”. Yes, 20 years. Did he miss it? Not really. “Sex? No,” she replies. But a “kind of complicity and tenderness”, yes, on the other hand. “I have always decided everything on my own. I raised a child, bought a duplex, I rode. But I never had anyone to lay my head down. That’s what I missed. »
Moreover, she thus “rolled” her career thoroughly until she was 50, before hitting a wall: serious depression. A sick leave and a resignation later, Louise gave up everything to go and live in the countryside, to recover her health. “I don’t want that life anymore,” she said to herself. But what does she want?
Ten years later, she thinks she has found it. A man who finally brings together all the faults of all the men Louise has known. “I had to want to be in a relationship to find myself with this guy…” A guy with whom the intimacy lasted a short week flat (still “without foreplay, without sweetness, without affection”), but with who she still stayed for three years.
“But I understood my pattern ! They are dependent men who are looking for a strong woman! […] I just understood: I didn’t love myself, that’s why I chose men who weren’t suitable! »
This is also what she has been working on for the past few years, following a “completely different” approach, where Louise now takes care of herself (and her grandchildren, but that’s a whole different story. ). “Happiness, if you want it, you worry about it,” she decrees. And no, you guessed it, he definitely doesn’t miss sex. “Rather tenderness,” she repeats. You know, women give sex to get affection, guys give affection to get sex. We are not on the same planet! Finally, my generation! And then, in all honesty, she concludes, true to herself: “My libido is so low, seeing an old man stark naked is going to kill him!” »
* Fictitious first name, to protect his anonymity