Olivia* has health concerns. She is due for surgery soon. Knowing that the convalescence will be long, she agreed to let her partner go “satisfy his needs” elsewhere, as she says. Here’s why.
“Who am I to prevent the person I love from having fun and take advantage of their sexuality, because I’m not doing well? », asks our smiling interlocutor, in her early forties, straight away, as part of a virtual interview, immobilized because of said health problems.
She wrote to us earlier in the winter, following the story of a certain François*, to the seriously ill woman, who for his part testified to a great and painful “sexual solitude”.
Read François’ testimony*
“I must say that I do not agree at all with the fact of giving up sexuality when you are a caregiver,” she wrote to us. In my humble opinion, when you truly love, it is possible to allow your lover to look elsewhere. It’s a great show of love, and having an active sex life and being a caregiver are not incompatible. »
In the interview, Olivia does it again. “I found it sad for this person who is also going through difficult things. […] It came for me. » If she is in the opposite position, she also sees things in a completely different way, as we will have understood. “My partner has such an important sexuality, I can’t stop him from living his life! […] For me, a human being does not belong to us. »
Note that she was not always of this opinion either. Olivia says she actually comes from a “very prudish” family, and also spent a good part of her life in a very “traditional” model.
Fifteen years, very precisely: this is the length of her married life with the father of her child, whom she met towards the end of her twenties, after a handful of lovers and a few lovers. “With him, we had the same values,” she says, “and I realized all my dreams of a traditional family. » Except that in bed, with him, it’s also rather “beige”, she adds. This explains that ? “Always very traditional. Nothing too thrilling. But it was reassuring. »
All this suits him for a while. Until the pandemic, in fact, when this life began to weigh heavily on him. “I felt locked in,” she continues. Exit the woman, Olivia is now just a mother. “And I was in my early forties, I know it’s really cliché, but I had a big depression. » Without transition, she adds, with a burst of laughter: “And that’s when I discovered something: masturbation! »
It’s a revelation.
Masturbation and porn films changed my life! It opened me up to a world of possibilities! Sexuality doesn’t have to be beige, we can just have fun!
Olivia, early forties
Her relationship is on the rocks, Olivia takes her courage in both hands: “I left. ” It was two years ago.
In the months that followed, she met her current partner. “Yes, it’s still recent,” she agrees. At first, she just wants to “have fun.” “Love fell on us without us necessarily wanting it! she smiled. It clicked so quickly! »
It must be said that in bed, the man is the antithesis of his ex: “He explored very young, the world of dancers, escorts, swingers clubs, everything possible, he did it! » Intimidating, you say? Affirmative, Olivia confirms. Except that he is also very “listening” to her desires. “He has no limits,” she beams. And they also make love several times a day.
Together, they have had fun buying a variety of toys (“I never dared!”), they are thinking about going to a swingers club, and Olivia would like to eventually have an experience with a woman. “And he encourages me to live my trip, alone or with him. »
Still, it was during this honeymoon, a few months ago, that the first symptoms of his health problems appeared. Nothing incurable, it should be noted, but serious enough for Olivia to require surgery. And who says operation means hospitalization, and a long convalescence to come. Hence the conversation: “What are we going to do?” […] When I’m going to have my operation, I can’t imagine telling him: tie yourself in a knot and wait for me! He’s going to go crazy! »
Hence Olivia’s idea of letting her Romeo go elsewhere, subject to a few simple rules (you protect yourself, never with the same person twice, etc.). “For us,” she adds, “there are two things: sexuality and love. Just because he’s going to penetrate another girl doesn’t mean he won’t come back. He will always love me just as much! »
For her, the matter here is clear.
It’s just a physical need for him that is essential! It’s like breathing. He can’t live without it. So I say to myself: why not consider that?
Olivia, early forties
She specifies that he would certainly do the same thing for her, in the event of a reverse situation. ” It’s give-and-take. […] And then we trust each other so much. There is so much love. It’s clear that we want to stay together! We want to grow old together! For that, we both have to stay happy. If it takes this kind of accommodation, why not? »
Questioning the famous François cited above, Olivia adds: “The taboos, the prohibitions, it is we who put them on ourselves. […] We only have one life to live…”, she concludes.
*Fictitious first names, to protect their anonymity