There, it is said. Penetration doesn’t really connect her any more than that, she doesn’t take so much pleasure in it and above all never enjoys that way. Needless to insist, what. The liberating confidence of a woman who begins to listen to herself.
It will have taken him years to understand himself and, above all, to assume himself. Laurence, a discreet brunette in her fifties, arranged to meet us on a polar Friday afternoon in a café on rue Saint-Hubert. Sitting a little apart, she immediately plunges into the heart of the matter: “There was a moment in my life when I started to say things. And this column is part of my process, she says in a soft voice and a calm tone. I told a man that I’m not interested in penetration. »
No, she had never dared before. “Nobody ever says that kind of thing,” she says. We read it, yes, but it’s completely different to say it. […] However, it woke up a lot of things in me, I feel much more… free! she smiles shyly.
Free, she has always been, and all her life. Laurence thus discovered sexuality early on, around 14 years old. “I’ve always been precocious,” she confirms. It was the discovery that interested me, the forbidden…”
This story, with a noticeably older man, lasts three years.
Parenthesis: “I come from a family where we read what we wanted, I think I read the Hite report when I was 10 or 12 years old. We listened to what we wanted, my father has already rented porn movies with us, ”she recalls, recalling her adolescence with her friends. “We were curious, my parents were very permissive, maybe too much, at the same time…”, she shrugs. All this to say that Laurence has always considered herself “informed”, aware, open, you know. Like what “there was no bug!” “.
I have often been the most experienced person in my relationships, the most resourceful…
Lawrence, 52 years old
She had fun during high school and CEGEP, had several friends, before living her first “real serious relationship” at 25 years old. The case lasts five years. “He was a very sociable guy, larger than life, very, very handsome, a little narcissistic, she recalls, and I was a little dependent. Our relationship was very gender-based. And again, it was often Laurence the instigator, at the forefront of exploration. “And me, I took care of my own pleasure…”, she slips.
After this relationship, from which she took a long time to recover, Laurence spent 10 years single. “And I’ve had a lot of business,” she continues. Never anything hardcore, but exploration. »
Through various sexual games, the fulfillment of various fantasies of these gentlemen, yes, Laurence is having fun. But never exactly to penetration. ” I had to fun, yes, she confirms. I wish penetration was one of the things I liked, but it wasn’t. Overall, she said, “It was OK, they could see I wasn’t enjoying it, but they weren’t making a big deal out of it.” I don’t know if they wouldn’t care…” Still, “it didn’t call them into question”.
Until it bothers, precisely. “As I got older, yes, I saw that it bothered some people. “One in particular, his ex-boyfriend, not to name him, at the turn of the forties. “He made me comments like: you have to know your body, she recalls. He said that I didn’t need him, that he was functional…”
In his defense, Laurence, for his part, has never spoken too much either. “I have never owned [le sujet]to say: me, it’s like that. [….] I never asserted myself. Absolutely not…”, she concedes.
A breast cancer later, and all the treatments that go with it, she finds herself with a flat libido. “And everything went wrong…”
The relationship does not survive it. And it is after this break that everything will change.
In what ? “I left him and I realized that for me, the sexual aspect was important, and that I had to be happy in that. »
End of quarantine, everything tumbles. She finds a friend from Cégep and their [seule et unique] night together changes his life. “He said to me: ‘I have to tell you, I don’t have a hard-on anymore,’ she says. And me: “I disagree!” “, she bursts out laughing.
It’s a revelation: “It was wonderful, great cool, tender and awesome. »
His big problem, my big problem, was completely incidental!
Lawrence, 52 years old
And yes, if you want to know everything, they both came (yes, we asked).
Verdict? “It’s over, it’s said! There was no sequel, she says, but it marked me because I said it! Because he also said something strange and embarrassing to me. And after that, it was no longer on the table. We didn’t have to negotiate that anymore! »
Since then, all his sexuality has benefited from it. “My sexuality has become, yes, positive. It’s much healthier. I no longer feel that I have something to settle or understand. […] There really was a before and an after for me! »
The story does not end there. It is that a few months later, she met her current spouse. And for the very first time in her life, Laurence dared: “I made a woman of myself and I told her that penetration didn’t interest me that much. […] And it turns out that he doesn’t enjoy it either! “, she smiles frankly.
“We discovered a compatibility! Better: “It opened up communication, offered well-being and security! »
No more “games”, and especially “fatigue”, this unpleasant feeling of “feeling obliged to eventually enjoy”. “I found it tiring to take care of everything, myself and the partner’s ego! »
From now on, Laurence knows it: “You have to say these things, at least to yourself and to your partner, to see how liberating it is! »
* Fictitious first name, to protect his anonymity