John is a serial cheater. He has always known: a conventional couple is not for him. He tried it for years and finally, he came to terms with it. From now on, a less “conventional” life is his turn.
At least that’s how the forty-year-old businessman from Quebec sums it up, who arranged to meet us for a hot afternoon on a pretty shaded terrace in the national capital, at the beginning of the month. With short brown hair, sunglasses, shorts and a t-shirt, Jean looks more like an athlete than a manager, but that doesn’t matter. He speaks without filter, with a certain lucidity and not without self-deprecation, you will see. “In Quebec, especially, we are so conventional, and so conventional,” he declares straight away, between two sips of iced coffee. “As soon as I talk about what I’m experiencing, it’s unheard of! “, says our man, newly in an “open” relationship who has the gift of arousing “let’s see!” » and others “it can’t be!” “. “But… it’s not that bad! “, he bursts out laughing.
It was from his very first serious relationship (after a series of short-lived affairs), at the end of his twenties, that his famous escapades began. However, this story, which stretches over nearly 10 years with the mother of his child, begins with a lion. “We had super intense relationships in the first years. » Three times a day, morning, noon or evening, with an intensity hitherto unequaled for Jean. “I was completely satisfied. ” And then ? And then, the lady had a child, and our man began to look elsewhere. A former encounter here, a fiery night there. What if he felt guilty? “But yes,” he answers without hesitation. She is so fine. It’s gold in a bar! I justified myself by my needs…”
Towards the end of their life together, he even maintained a parallel relationship lasting several months, with a live-in employee. “Yes, I felt guilty,” he repeats, “but it was stronger than me! »
Jean then goes on a trip and meets yet another woman there. Are you still following? This time, he takes the leap and decides to leave the mother of his child. “With her too, it was super intense! »
He quickly passes over his separation and continues with this new story, which also stretches over several years. “But yes, I see elsewhere. She can’t handle my drive. You can’t ask that of someone: three times a day! »
That said, this time, he doesn’t hide it from her, confides, “and it turns into a mess…”. They even followed couples therapy, to no avail. In doing so, Jean nevertheless realizes that he has developed a “pattern”, he confides here. “I support the girl and expect her not to work, to be by my side. That doesn’t sound bad, he realizes, giggling, but I’m a good guy! »
In all, he cheated on her a good fifteen times. “But I wasn’t well, I felt trapped and sexually unsatisfied. » At the time he asked himself the question:
Am I an old pig, or is this just not a good one? fit ?
Jeans
Then, at the turn of his forties, he faced the facts: his new relationship was not working any better, he separated once again, and it was “total deliverance”. “I can’t tell you how many girls I slept with afterwards,” he says, beaming. Girls and men, for that matter. “Sensually, a man means nothing to me, but sexually, in action, that interests me,” explains the great lover of sexual “games”.
“I always knew the couple wasn’t for me,” he continues. At the same time, I need to be with someone, I have to be with someone and… I love my partners! »
Still, more than six months ago, he ended up meeting his current girlfriend. “And it’s going great, I’m in love!” ” You do not believe in it ? However, and for the very first time in his life, he was 100% transparent, Madame accepted him as he is, and he has lived in an “open” relationship ever since. Jean will look elsewhere on his side, and Madame on hers. “There was never any hiding, I told him who I am, my whole story, my past, when I cheated, and what I want to do. […] It’s a fit Perfect ! I travel with her, I love her! »
And in bed? “It’s super satisfying,” he replies, “but she’s not wild. She doesn’t go where I go. » Certainly, they have been in libertine clubs together, even “exchanged” with other couples, but his new lover is decidedly less playful than him. No matter, since she leaves him free as long as he wants. “And then, she also has another guy, she is also exploring. »
What if it bothers him? Against all odds: yes. ” It’s certain ! I care about her! […] I’m good with her! She is adorable. Kind ! And she takes care of me! » So he reasons: “That can’t take anything away from me. But it sure does something to me! »
As for him, he has probably never been so active in his entire life. “I get tested often! »
Ultimately, he thinks his story will end in polyamory. “We will eventually meet someone else with whom there will be a flame,” he presumes. A scenario that he would never have even considered in the past, but which would undoubtedly have saved his (first) couple, he believes. “But the pattern of today’s society is to say: if you have a flame, it’s just one at a time! […] If I could have loved more than one at the same time, I would never have left the mother of my child. Never ! »
This is precisely why he wanted to testify. To offer an alternative scenario to potentially questioning couples. “It could be,” he insists. I have never been happy like this. »
“We have to stop worrying about what people will think,” he believes. People judge, think that it doesn’t make sense, that it won’t work. I find it boring. I have the impression that they say that to reassure themselves, to comfort themselves. » And he, is he also trying to “comfort” himself a little by confiding, do we dare? “Partly, perhaps,” Jean concedes, laughing.
* Fictitious first name, to protect anonymity